Official Retirement Age Upped to 95 in the US

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

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Can the old clock radio make do for another 30 years?

It happened shortly after Prince Philip announced his impending retirement.

Members of the U.S. Congress, eager to extend their own gravy train and justify that extension as totally normal, were eager to vote this into law. "I'm all for it," said Senator B. Oldie, 80. "I'm sick of seeing the young grabbing up everything for themselves. A pox on their house, if they can save enough to buy one."

Nasty Nora, Director of Human Resources for a major NY company, is against the change in retirement age. She feels it means that she won't be getting a promotion anytime soon. "There will be too many old geezers above me, blocking my way," she whined.

Geritol manufacturers, on the other hand, are rejoicing, as they figure they will be selling a lot more of their products, trying to keep up the energy levels of the older population.

A coalition of celebrities who are 90 years old or more (people like Dick Van Dyke, Carl Reiner, Mel Brooks, and Betty White) love the new law, but their critics argue back: "Sure, it's okay for them, all they have to do is play the candy man and collect a check. Meanwhile, the rest of us are slaving away to earn a few bucks just to survive."

The general consensus of average workers seems to be that Prince Philip can do whatever he pleases, but the US didn't have to follow suit. After all, as one worker pointed out, "We declared our independence from Britain in 1776. Why can't those pushy Brits take a hint and sod off for good?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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