Whitman Running for President of Ecuador Paris Hilton Gets Reality Show
Quito, Ecuador: This afternoon Meg Whitman dropped out of the race for Governor of California and announced her candidacy for President of Ecuador saying "For the $120 Million of my own money that I've spent on my campaign so far I could buy Equador.
Read full storyLocal Man Became Teacher to Mooch off State
Jerry Reed admitted to his seventh grade class that he really doesn't care about teaching as much as he cares about collecting great pension money from the state. "Kids, you need to get into teaching because of the sweet pension you will get, and...
Read full storyMen are better than women at everything
Feminisim is in crisis after a 10 year research study has concluded men are better than women at everything. Dr. Linda BeeAnn Professor Emeritus of Sweden's Centre for Gender and Equality studies: "We started out trying to prove women were being...
Read full storySuBo fanatics open own store!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were today celebrating the opening of their new SuBo Store. The store, called Tacky Crap Shack, has been funded by the fanatic's wealthy husbands, who don't expect to see a return on their investments,...
Read full storyGeorge W - London Mayoral Election Update 7
As part of his familiarisation process ahead of his London Mayoral campaign George W wanted to discuss his ideas for arming the police with repeating automatic rifles. His secretary arranged a meeting with the Metropolitan Police, at Scotland Yard...
Read full storyNAMBLA Scum Purged From Facebook. "It's Back To Myspace, I Guess" Says The Group.
in 1923, The US Government's Bureau of Prohibition sought to have Bell Telephone suspend the telephone privileges of those who were heard on party lines discussing the repeal of Prohibition. "Thank Goodness that worked," said a Bureau Agent at th...
Read full storyPolice Cars to Get Green Lights
Britain's police cars are to get green lights in addition to their blues ones. The green lights will be used when rushing back from MacDonalds instead of the customary blue light currently used. A Home Office spokesperson said that the rules re...
Read full storyPak Army Chief plotting to overthrow yet another elected govt and install his buddy Musharraf as President
The more things change, the more they stay the same! So much for being a democracy! In Pakistan everything works in reverse - as evidenced by the Army's limited tolerance of all things civilian - particularly so-called elected governments. Looks lik...
Read full storyNew Ford Hybrid Car for Asia
In order to gain a stronger foothold in the Asian car market, in the face of local firms such as Tata, Ford have produced a new green hybrid car designed especially for places like India and Pakistan where fuel stations may be far apart and where loc...
Read full storyComparetheMiliband.web gets Ed elected
Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman yesterday revealed the strategy which Labour used during their leadership race "We knew that Balls, Abbott and Bunham had no chance - and they weren't posh enough either - so we wanted to focus the membership on...
Read full storySanta enters Real Estate Market
With house prices remaining frozen for this financial year; as well as a fixed rate on mortgages, it's no wonder that one of the most iconic figures in the world is moving house. Tired of the boring social life available in the North Pole (and ami...
Read full storyNanny McPhee says her charge Kim Jong-un, newly anointed heir to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il nurses secret ambition to dance the Viennese waltz with Bobby Lee on MAD TV
HUNKERED IN A BUNKER IN NORTH KOREA: The King is dead - maybe! Long live the King! Kim Jong-Un, the newly anointed heir to dictator-Daddy Kim Jong-il has finally been revealed to the public - following a hectic round of forced ass-kissing and bo...
Read full storyAppendix key to afterlife, Appendectomy gangs terrorise New York
Scientist's have finally revealed the mystery of the soul's location. Dr. Barry White MD explains: "The discovery occurred when we were investigating the weight of the human soul. "We had some data that the human soul weighs 21 grams. This was...
Read full storyTony Curtis (RIP) joins Marilyn in heaven dressed as a Viking in drag!
Marliyn Monroe is about to be joined in heaven by Tony Curtis (RIP), he has departed in his Viking boat and this time he doesn't need any "Persuade-ing"! Tony played many awful roles during his career, but on the other hand played some super stuff...
Read full storyOpie & Anthony Will Replace Howard Stern in 2011: The Team Resign With Sirius/XM for 5 Years, $75 million each.
In a developing story, internet sources, which are always correct, have reported that Opie and Anthony have just signed a 5 year deal with Sirius XM. Even more shocking, the team is now slated to replace Howard Stern, when his contract ends in De...
Read full storySchools to Become Universities
Following the success of turning every local technical college into a university Michael Gove, Education Secretary, has announced plans to turn all secondary schools into universities as long as they can come up with a silliest enough name, like Univ...
Read full storyPhil Jagielka To Have Operation On Name
Everton's England international defender Phil Jagielka must be cursing his bad luck this morning, after being told that he needs an emergency operation - on his name! The former Hale Barns United and Sheffield United full-back joined the Toffees i...
Read full storyGo get 'em Tiger
Tiger Woods, the worlds number 1 golfer, has revealed that he "in it to win" the Ryder Cup. The Cup, held in Newport, is the biggest Golfing event to take place this half of the year. Tiger Woods, who has been in the news not for his skill with...
Read full storyChancellor starts economic growth
Amid cheers from the government benches, the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne announced in the commons yesterday that he has put down a deposit on a new Transit van. The move is hoped to be a kick-start to the economy and is seen as a fi...
Read full storyUN prepares to make "Space Quality Inn"
America, Britain, Russia, China and the UAE are just some of the wealthiest nations who are being linked with an ambitious new project to launch a hotel into space. The site of the 3* rated Quality Inn Plaza, located just off London, was picked to...
Read full storySharing Lessons: Holy Site is divided
A religious place of worship is being divided between two religions, it has been decided. The former site of a mosque in India, known as Ayodhya, was the site of turmoil after a group of activists decided to "torch the lot". Following a massive...
Read full storyTony Blair Made Honorary Israeli
Shimon Peres, the President of Israel, whilst calling Britain an anti-Semitic state had made Tony Blair an honorary Israeli for his work killing civilians in Iraq. It is a rare honour and as part of the ceremony he exchanged his foreskin for a sil...
Read full storyChina issues 'Yuan' Blair bill warning
Beijing - (Reuterus): A US bill penalising China for currency manipulations linked to ex-UK Prime Monster's son Yuan Blair has received the bum's rush from Beijing. A somewhat jittery Bank of Who Flung Dung spokesperson said today the bill treats...
Read full storyQueen's ashes to be scattered at sea over Deepwater Horizon site
Gulf of Mexico - (RIP Mess): A sneak preview of HM's Last Will & Testament has revealed her final resting place of choice lies at 28.736628°N 88.365997°W. The Gulf of Mexico location is near the Mississippi River Delta site of BP's Deepwater H...
Read full storyDaily Mail Article Provokes Feminist Backlash
A seemingly innocuous Daily Mail fashion article describing the development of a spray-on fabric tee shirt has been slammed by feminists and subjected to a whole slew of bitchy remarks. Mail journalist, Laura Stott - a busty blonde size 10, posed...
Read full storyCost Reduction Measures Assumed by Texas, Oklahoma and Florida
(WSU) Facing crippling financial demands and declining revenues from the ongoing global economic malaise, three states have employed s novel cost cutting measure. Texas, Oklahoma and Florida officially announced today that starting October 1st, they...
Read full storyThe Reckoning
The encounter had followed a dark period in the man's life, licking his wounds still two years after the six hundred mile move to a different job, a different town, and a completely different culture. He had crossed a birthday milestone a few months before where the only greetings received in the mail were the incessant reminders from the AARP to join their ranks. For a nominal annual fee of cou...
Read full story10 million unemployed people strike over their right to remain unemployed
Today, 10 million unemployed people will go on strike, protesting against government moves to assist them to find work. The strike is being backed by the TGWU (Tossers & General Wasters Union), who have threatened to withdraw their support from t...
Read full storyPrince Charles Attacks Modern Comedy As 'Cruel And Witless'
Prince Charles today launched into a scathing tirade in which he rubbished exponents of modern comedy as 'cruel and witless' - standing up for The Goons as paragons of comedy excellence. Particular venom was reserved for stand-up comedians, who we...
Read full storyPeter Mandelson Returns with a Horror Story to Tell
Peter Mandelson has returned from the jaws of the Iguana with an astonishing story to tell. Many may say it is an even bigger fantasy story than his book the third man, but others say both are true. Because M16 never actually officially release...
Read full storyObama Shocker: I did not have sex with that Ballet Dancer, Rahm Emanuel!"
A newly repentant President Barry Obama, having 'come to Jesus' a few hours ago, was forced to clarify his relationship with soon to be departed House Senior Advisor Rahm Emanuel, a former Ballet Dancer saying, "I did not have sex with that man!"...
Read full storyNorthumberland Police Buy Chieftan Tanks
A recent investigation has shown that the Tazers used to shoot Raol Moat were illegal, were not licenced and breached the Firearms Act. The company which supplied Tazers to the police has lost the contract for selling the illegal weapons to Northu...
Read full storyCatfight Between Kristen Stewart And Emma Watson Over Robert Pattinson Is 'Nothing But A Media Creation.'
Following a number of alarming revelations that a major catfight is brewing between Kristen Stewart and Emma Watson over the affections of Robert Pattinson, Skoob Entertainment News decided it was high time we got to the bottom of things. So to sp...
Read full storyPeru Issues Missing Persons Alert After 3 Female Guards Go Missing & Panties Found in Van der Sloots Private Room!
Joran Van der Sloot continues his mystique over women as Peruvian authorities say he is linked to the mysterious disappearance of three (3) female guards at the prison where he is being held over the murder of a local woman. The case centers aroun...
Read full storyEarth like planet found in bowl of porridge
An astronomer claims to have found the most Earth-like planet yet - and he believes it could support life. The unusual find is doubly unusual due to where it was found. "At first I thought I was going bonkers" says the astro-boffin "I had just tak...
Read full storyHollywood Mourns As Tony Curtis Bows Out - Actor Dies Aged 85
Hollywood was in mourning this morning as news filtered through that legend of the silver screen, Tony Curtis has died at the age of 85. Curtis, revered as a Hollywood icon for his roles in such movies as 'Some Like It Hot' and 'The Boston Strangl...
Read full storyPork pies are 'better than breast milk'
A recent report written by some scientists somewhere up north suggests that babies are better off being fed pork pies and lidl scotch eggs than their mother's breast milk. The study, written on the back of a broken furbie, advises mothers to stop...
Read full storyEd Imliband to help Bro in new career
The new Labour leader, Ed Imliband has said he will help his brother in his new career. David Imliband, after loosing Labour leadership elections, has decided to leave front-line politics, to become a nurse. He said "I don't feel comfortable, w...
Read full storyJS Bach Violin Concertos
In A minor, BWV 1041; in E, BWV 1042; in G minor, after BWV 1056; in A, after BWV 1055. Rachel Podger, violin; Brecon Baroque (Channel Classics). Pierre Noxious writes. Couldn't resist this one. Tell you why. Rachel Podger. Isn't that a brilliant name? When I was a kid, my folks ran a shop in Garforth (near Leeds. Garforth's that place where the local football club has given Gazza...
Read full storySiesta Scuppers Spanish Strikes
Spanish union leaders are furious that their plans for a national strike are being hampered by the traditional afternoon siesta. Thousands of workers walked out in protest at the austerity measures planned by the Madrid government. Britons are cau...
Read full storyGenius of Gil Scott-Heron Usurped by Kanye West in Leaked Track "Lost In The World".
The only way takentless sh-thead Kanye West could make an intelligent, articulate and socially relevant statement via his music is by usurping the genius of others, which he has done in the track "Lost in the World", with samples of Bon Iver's "Woods" and Gil Scott-Heron's spoken-word track "Comment #1," as evidenced by the track being 'leaked' on the internet today. "Even a cursory review of t...
Read full storyCheryl Cole To Take On Ashley At His Own Game
National treasure Cheryl Cole is set to add a new string to her bow: professional footballer. The singer, fashion icon, hair product advertiser and X Factor judge has been singled out by top talent scout Reg Lasagne who reckons she could cut it in...
Read full storyShirley Manson: Celebrity Behaving Nicely - Who Knew?
HOLLYWOOD - Although obviously not a typical one from the "Man Bites Dog" file, the following item is, however, worth noting since it indeed showcases a rare, distinct style of celebrity-oriented behavior, seldom seen (or heard of) in these parts for some time now. Or, at least not since that time in 1951 when producer Walter Wanger took aim and promptly sent one of Jennings Lang's somewhat o...
Read full storyHollywood Announces: "No More Shite Films!"
Hollywood big-wigs have today announced they will stop making pointless films and concentrate more on movies with a real moral message. Speaking at a press conference in Scronge, movie boss Arthur Mullard said "It's time to stop financing crap an...
Read full storyPeter Andre and Victoria, mysterious girl smell.
No, Not Victoria Beckham, but Victoria Station. - Eight people, including two passengers, complained of headaches and nausea when an "unusual smell" was reported at Victoria Tube station in London. Peter Andre who was travelling through the stati...
Read full storyLSE's Share Of Trade Stabilised: Dirty Tricks Denied
The London Stock Exchange has denied that it has used bullying tactics to stabilise its share of blue-chip trading. Figures show that the LSE's share of trading over the past five months has averaged at 57 per cent. But allegations by rivals th...
Read full storyHadron Collider To Be Turned Into Water Slide
The controversial Hadron Collider is to be turned into a water slide it has emerged today. In an unprecedented move the Royal Society For Science Type People In White Coats have decided to close the facility on the Franco-Swiss border due to the...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight Businesses Braced For Tube Strike
A second strike by London Underground workers set to start on Sunday night is expected to bring chaos to thousands of commuters trying to get to work on Monday morning. But Isle of Wight businesses are determined it will be "business as usual."...
Read full storyLoaf of bread found in mouse
Brodford man Kevin Smally was horrified to discover a loaf of bread inside a mouse on Sunday. "I had bought the mouse from Discount Butchers on the High Street, and the wife had cooked it up for Sunday lunch" said Mr Smally. "Imagine our surprise...
Read full storyUK Sex Doggers hanging their "balls" out are to be stopped by real bulls!
A notorious lay-by (which they often do) in Puttenham, UK, where doggers (for our US readers = lay-by in the open for sex-starved illicit doggers!) search for all types of sex is causing much anger amongst local residents. Even school kiddies are...
Read full storyBig Boys Alfreton Upset by Stalybridge Celtic's Youth Team
There was an upset of sorts in the FA Cup this week when the biggest team currently in the competition, Alfreton Town, were knocked out by Conference North side, Stalybridge Celtic. Although bigger than Manchester United, Alfreton's misery was com...
Read full storyHernandez becomes the youngest person to score in the Champions League
When Javier Hernandez came off the bench to smash home Macheda's cross to give Manchester United a 1-0 over Valencia in Spain, he became the youngest ever player to score in the Champion's league. The fourteen year old Mexican striker has been pre...
Read full storyAnger Universalist Church Of America - Preserving Our Freedoms
Welcome And Greeting Welcome to the Anger Universalist Church of America, where our mission is to practice compassion- bashing and to serve our own agenda. Today's Theme The theme of today's service is "Preserving Our Freedoms". Our minister is special guest Father Ken. Assisting him will be Deacon Stephen, a real beacon in the community. Please feel free to meet and greet him. Op...
Read full storyMan Almost Fainted After Seeing Susan Boyle CD Cover
A trip to a local music store almost ended in tragedy for one man in Bangkok yesterday, after he inadvertently let his eyes see the cover of the CD by former Britain's Got Talent singing sensation Susan Boyle. The man, Moys Kenwood, was perusing t...
Read full storyKevin Smith's SModcast to Replace Opie and Anthony on Sirius Starting October 3rd
KEYPORT, NJ --- Hilarious former WNEW (so-called) 'Shock Jocks' Opie & Anthony have talked for days about their XM Satellite Radio contract expiring on October 1st. And, while they said that a contract offer may be approved in days, sources are s...
Read full storyJerry Brown is A Huge Lindsay Lohan Fan
LA- Linda Ronstadt and Jerry Brown in the headlines again? Will California ever have leadership that doesn't have some hollywood or music ccnnection? Apparently not yet, and definitely not now! Jerry Brown, who was a household name in 1970s Califo...
Read full storySheffield Wednesday Tax Dodge Namechange
Sheffield Wednesday Football Club, who have been served with a winding-up order by Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs over tax owed, have come up with an ingenious plan to avoid closure, BBC Radio Sheffield reports. They are to change their name...
Read full storyGovernment Law to Recycle Graves
The shortage of land for cemeteries has become so acute the Government has now passed a law which allows councils to clear out the bones from any grave where the person was buried over 100 years ago and re-use it. Anyone buried in a re-cycled grave w...
Read full storyMI5 Snoops on Public via Mobile Phones
The public remained in shock today when the government admitted that MI5, the police, tax inspectors and social services have been covertly listening to people via their mobile phones. New technology, given the green light by the last Labour gover...
Read full storyViral Video Shows Herd of Cows Derailing Train: "Six down," said the engineer. "Four to pick up the spare."
A video that has gone viral in the last day shows, from an engineer's point of view, a commuter train travelling at 75-85 MPH, colliding full-force with a herd of cows attempting to cross the tracks. At least six of the bovine interlopers were imm...
Read full storyBritish Rail Workers in Work to Rule
British Rail workers have been working to rule in support of their latest 57% pay claim. Workers have been arriving at work on time, not taking 'sickies' and driving trains at the correct speed whilst observing signals. BR managers say that for...
Read full storyNew Graphic Video shows Chickens Fed Through Throat-Slit Machine at Restaurant Chicken Supplier: "It's hard to watch such mechanized and cold death being dished out, but we have to eat, right?"
The leading pro-animal non-profit agency, whose name we dare not speak, has released a shocking new video called, "About 1 Billion Individuals Are Killed Each Year for (name of international fast-food chain)" In the gory video, chickens are fed, h...
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