Peter Mandelson has returned from the jaws of the Iguana with an astonishing story to tell. Many may say it is an even bigger fantasy story than his book the third man, but others say both are true.
Because M16 never actually officially released the news that Mandelson had disappeared, the news that he has returned has also been played down quite severely. But tonight friends of Mandy have revealed the terrifying truth.
Peter was taking his dog for a walk along the Thames two nights before the Labour Party conference, when he was seized by an Iguanodon. Yes that's right not an Iguana but an Iguanadon. A prehistoric monster from the late cretaceous period.
The Iguanadon was, as past witnesses suggested, being led on a lead, by a recently very public figure. Peter Mandelson was almost certain of the identity of the Iguanadon's owner but says he could never reveal who it was because it might bring the new generation of the labour party into disrepute. Also he is a very close friend of his captor's brother who has a shinier smile, and better taste in shirts.
This story is quite in keeping with recent reports from Paelentological scientists at Oxford University who say they obtained and lost an Iguanadon in the 80s. It was stolen by a geek, who could do a rubix cube in 20 seconds flat, and impersonate Wallis from From Wallis and Gromit.
The Iguanadon had previously been caught on the Thames in the 70s were it had lived and stalked the Thames after coming to London on board a boat from Japan, just after Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
Upon being asked if the Oxford Scientist believed the Iguanadon could be the original Godzilla, the Scientist replied. "Of Course."
Peter Mandelson will never tell his story in Public - because he was saved by an unlikely saviour. That's right, it was superhero Gordon Brown. He raced to the rescue of his former foe, and saved him from the Jaws of the Iguanadon, even though he didn't like Peter very much. And even though he liked the owner of the Iguanadon's new style of politics. But that's just the kind of man Gordon Brown is. He fights injustice wherever it is.
He even talked sternly to Iguanadon's owner by saying. "You can't let him eat people anymore."
But the Iguanadon's owner retorted "He has to eat people because they're the only thing big enough to keep him happy. He can't just eat Goldfish, you know. He's and Iguanadon, not just a silly little Iguana."
"Have you thought of Japanese Tuna Fish." Suggested Gordon. "They're very big and taste fantastic. You can steal them from any Aquarium."
The Iguanadon's owner is rumoured to be considering this new culinary delight for his pet. MI6 are very happy with the outcome. They say a thank you letter to Gordon is in the post.
By Katarina Frogpond.
