Hollywood Announces: "No More Shite Films!"

Written by Marcus Battenburg

Thursday, 30 September 2010

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Actress Jennifer Lopez Celebrating The News

Hollywood big-wigs have today announced they will stop making pointless films and concentrate more on movies with a real moral message.

Speaking at a press conference in Scronge, movie boss Arthur Mullard said "It's time to stop financing crap and give the real directors a shot! Films like "The Hurt Locker" and "No Country For Old Men" were just booooooooriiiiing!! Your average movie fan wants nothing but boobs, butts, guns and blood. So who are we to argue?"

The move has caused controversy amongst Directors. George Lucas said "This is outrageous. I've just spent $3 on creating a brand new CGI shopping basket for "Star Wars VII: The Queue At Tesco" now what am I going to do?" Steven Spielberg director of E.T., Corrie! The Movie and Mr Smtih Goes To Centre Parcs remarked; "I can't understand why they've done this. The Hurt Locker was a classic! With it's themes of self-exploration and juxtaposition during the horror that is..." (At this point our reporter fell asleep).

On the flip side the news has also been met with joy from other movie makers. According to one Hollywood insider: "Uwe Bol, Sylvester Stallone and Paul Verhoeven all climaxed at the same time despite being in 3 different time zones."

The Screen Actors Guild will today appeal against the decision using George Clooney's hair as defence.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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