Europe Adopts Digital Clock

Funny story written by Xavier

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

image for Europe Adopts Digital Clock
So that's just after quarter past two.

After many days of deliberation, European Ministers have decided that the European clock will go digital on 1st January 2011.

Mssr Boulesup, the minister responsible for time, said it will help citizens work out time much more easily.

From next January there will be 100 heures in a day, 100 minutes in an heure and 100 seconds in a minute.

There are estimated to be 857,241,917 clocks in central Europe alone which will need replacing. Mssr Boulesup said this was good news for the clocks industry; "We've got everybody to chuck their old TVs and Radios and buy new ones, so why not clocks?"

The central time zone will be Brussels and everywhere in Europe will be at exactly the same heure of the day; people in different countries will go to bed and get up at different times; for instance, in Brussels 0 heure will correspond to midnight, but in Britain midnight will be at 88 heures.

Britain has exercised its opt-out, Dave Cameron the UK Prime Minister said he was happy with the digital clock but objected to having to spell hour as heure.

Science Minister, Professor Hawking, said the new clock was great news for science because each new second would be less than 1/10 the length of an old second.

Arthur Tocker, a horological expert, said the new digital clock would have caused problems. Big Ben, he said, was timed to chime 12 seconds apart, with the new timing it would chime at one second intervals sounding more like an almighty 'bong' than a 'ding dong'. The BBC 'pips' would sound more like a 'bleep'.

The new digital clock is part of Europe's drive to make everything digital. They are working closely with NASA to work out a way to speed up the Earth's rotation so a year would consist of 100 days, divided into 10 months of ten days. The moon, too, would be sped up so it circled the earth every 10 days.

It is likely that the UK will fall in line in 2012 when motorway speed limits with be 7 miles per heure and an average persons pulse will be just 7 beats per minute.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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