Written by rfreed

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

image for Ninja Kamikaze Taliban Squirrel Attempts To Take Down University Single-handedly!
Really, really dead jihadist suicidal ninja kamikaze bad ass suirrel after getting fried.

An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow out the campuses main turbine. The sacrificial squirrels charred body was found lying on the substation floor.

"Apparently this is a new phase in the terrorists never ending assaults to bring down America." stated Efrum Gutbuster, Specialist from the Murderous Whackos Division of Homeland Security. "Desperate, they are now recruiting innocent animals to do their dark bidding's. They probably promised this poor little guy 72 female chipmunks in heaven."

Police found a miniature, well chewed copy of the Koran in the squirrels nest. Underlines in it were passages which could be interpreted as an excuse for waging jihad against enemies. "This is gonna raise the alarm level real high now." said investigating police officer John Glitchfinder. "If we have to watch out now for every furry thing that lives we are in for a hell of a ride!"

Although no lives were lost, the suicidal squirrel managed to put out the power in the University for hours, blowing the transformer, knocking out cooling systems for computers and making water unavailable in many places. "It was a well planned attack, just what you can expect from Al Queda. We are just lucky that didn't take any of us with him!" said Glitchfinder.

Due to the fact that this incident occurred on Earth Day, there is some lingering suspicion that the squirrel was actually an eco-terrorist. This could focus the investigation more on local mini-mammals as sources of further disruption in the future. More will be revealed as the investigation continues.

Based on an actual experience.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
40 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more