Susan Boyle invited to dinner with PM Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling, Chancellor of the Exchequer
The House of Commons was still abuzz following the heel stomping received from the Prime Minister by the well heeled Hairbrush David Cameron, leader of Her Majesty's official opposition. However, for Hairbrush worse was to follow. The Prime Minis...
Read full storyMcMuttleys To Open New Franchise In LA Korea-town
Dog lovers are celebrating in the Korea-town district of Los Angeles. With the opening of its flagship franchise, the McMuttley Corporation hopes to recreate the same success that Ray Kroc had when he first introduced McDonalds here in the USA. U...
Read full storyAchilles pulls out of the Trojan War after doing a 'David Beckham'
The Greeks suffered a major blow in the Trojan War last night after losing one of their most famous heroes, Achilles, to an injury similar to that suffered by David Beckham in AC Milan's victory over Chievo. The incident happened after the big Gre...
Read full storySiesta Fiesta! Save the Spanish Snooze!
A Spanish lawyer has urged regional authorities to add the siesta to a list of items deemed to have "special cultural value". Miguel Don Quixote's application was the latest in a series of attempts to place long-established Spanish customs under t...
Read full storyMen will be extinct by the year 2050
Scientists are now predicting men will cease to be by the year 2050! Women will rule the planet and therefore all men will simply disappear due to irrelevance say the boffins. "Women have been able to conceive without men for years now, but at presen...
Read full storyWill.i.am Says "Hey Yo, I Be Wantin' Dat Cheryl (Cole) Ta Be's My Beach."
BROOKLYN - The Black Eyed Peas performed at the exclusive Brooklyn club, P Diddy's Bro's & Ho's Lounge. Peas member William James Adams, Jr., aka Will.i.am was asked about his recent remarks regarding the British songstress, X-Factor judge, an...
Read full storyDavid Blaine Number One Suspect As Mother-In-Law Disappears!
Stunt man and Magician David Blaine's mother-in-law has disappeared and police are searching everywhere Blaine has been over the past four days. Actually he was in a block of ice inside the downstairs lobby of ABC's Good Morning America, but he wa...
Read full storyQueen Mother Champion Chase astrology points to Twist Magic in St Paddy's Day shocker
Cheltenham - (Zodiac Mess): A brilliant St Patrick's Day conjunction of the awesome Pisces Sun and Uranus, the great awakener, can see 7/1 chance Twist Magic snatch the spoils in the Queen Mother Champion Chase from 4/7 antepost favorite Master Minde...
Read full storyNew Star Trek plot leaked to internet
It's not so much red alert its spoiler alert as Star Trek bosses are fuming following a plot leak. Their new movie is not due out until 2013 but its story line is out and we can reveal it. The latest film will open with the mad as usual Klingons w...
Read full storyGangland Tour Bus Returns With Passengers Tarred & Feathered
Police in Los Angeles reported that a tour bus that takes passengers to see the gangland sections of Los Angeles that belong to the Crips and Bloods has returned very late and that everyone on it, including the driver, had been tarred and feathered.
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Feels Bad About Scaring Kids
Only in his teens himself, actor Taylor Lautner who plays a werewolf in the Twilight series has noticed that some kids are afraid of him when he's out shopping or on the street. "It gives me the creeps", stated Lautner to this reporter. "I hate sc...
Read full storyFather Ted lookalike contest Dullthing voted worse lookalike
Alastair Dullthing recently voted the Worlds Dullest Man,has now been voted the Worlds worse Father Ted lookalike. In a Father Ted lookalike contest held in Dublin, the judges decided that Dullthing was without a doubt the worst Father Ted lookali...
Read full storyRichest piece of "Diamond Dog's Crap" auctioned
Diamond doggy, Soli from New York swallowed a massive diamond after having several rumblings in his tummy, feeling overwhelmed by hunger, he devoured the giant "sparkler"! His owners agreed immediately to auction the diamond + Soli's stinking heap...
Read full storyChina wins bid for high speed railroad
History was re made in Washington today as President Creamer awarded the Chinese the contract for construction of the most important civil engineering project in over 150 years. Our new brothers to the east presented a bid that America could not resi...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Simon Cowell Tells Kara DioGuardi To Please Stop Constantly Rubbing Up Against His Body!
HOLLYWOOD - American Idol Judge Simon Cowell has put his judge's foot down and said that enough is enough in regards to fellow judge Kara DioGuardi's incessant touching and rubbing of his body in front of millions of TV viewers. The Britisher know...
Read full storyLady Gaga orders the Worlds Biggest Leprechaun Hat for St Patricks Day
Lady Gaga has ordered the Worlds Biggest Leprechaun Hat for St Patrick's Day. Famous for her collection of way out hats Lady Gaga will now be adding this special huge Leprechaun Hat to her ever growing collection. The singer and songwriter has ann...
Read full storyRafael Nadal Reveals Four Things He Loves About Shakira
HONOLULU - Shakira and her new Spanish 'Boy Toy' Rafael Nadal were enjoying a much-needed vacation in the nation's 50th state Nadal was quite tired from his play in the Australian Open and Shakira was quite tired from her 124 mph hour dancing, wig...
Read full storyPregnancy Almost Illegal in Utah
Attention ladies of Utah: Do NOT have babies in your beloved state unless you want to possibly go to jail. Move to a surrounding state since any miscarriage in Utah will soon be illegal. No sane woman wants a miscarriage, so now if (God forbid) o...
Read full storyRielle (Husband) Hunter Releases New Book: Not A Homewrecker 101: A Guide To Pre-Discovering Failed Marriages
In an interview released this week, Ms. Hunter defended her "relationship" with former Presidential candidate and baby-daddy, John Edwards. In doing so she also mentioned that she is releasing a book on the matter of her discovery of John's marital...
Read full storyRafa sorts out everything
Rafa "The Gaffa" Benitez has recently been seen telling 4 of the Anfield domestic helps how to clean the boot room. Recently 'The gaffa' has had a hand in everything. 'He really is a hands on type of gaffa. I mean even on throw ins he just won't l...
Read full storyJesus wants to be President
On having recently read the news that the Holy Three are working hard to get Jesus elected in the 2012 elections I was pondering over the effect it will have on the majority of Susan Boyle's American fanatics. When the news reaches them, if it ha...
Read full storyLacey Brown's Fan Club Tells The American Idol Beauty To Start Showing Off Her Legs!
HOLLYWOOD - American Idol has chosen the top twelve. On the male side one of the favorites is Lee Dewyze. And on the female side the favorite is Crystal Bowersox. But there is one girl who could prove to be a dark horse and come out of leftfield a...
Read full storyTabloid Readers Shamed
Editors of the British tabloid press united today to speak-out against those who buy their newspapers. 'They're only interested in sleaze and scandal,' angrily accused one editor. 'For too long they've blackmailed us into harassing celebrities and...
Read full storyPGA spokesman knows when Tiger will be "swinging" again and the "Golf Groupies" can't wait!
Tiger Woods is about to start "swinging" again, a PGA spokesman is about to divulge the dates and Tigers "Golfies" (Golfing Groupies) just cannot wait. They've been starved of Tiger "swinging it" "hole-in-one-ing it" and "putting it" after hours.
Read full storyObama Apologizes to Mexico for Crimes of Mexican Drug Gang
MEXICO (Like it matters what part) - President Obama has apologized to the Mexican Government and to criminals throughout Mexico for the murder of U.S. Citizens by a Mexican drug gang. A Mexican drug gang gunned down two cars carrying families wit...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Wants Coco and Buster, Her Pet Chihuahuas - Says Ashley Can Have Amy Winehouse
LONDON - Cheryl Cole has hired one of the best divorce attorneys in the United Kingdom to represent her in her divorce against her husband Ashley "I Just Can't Seem Ta Keep Me Wiggle Worm In Me Pants" Cole. Reginald Nigel Liddyford, of Upper Tooti...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart were invited to an Irish Bar
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were invited by a friend to an Irish Bar in New York for St Patricks Day. While they were there they met an Irishman called Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly. "I know your face from somewhere,I am su...
Read full storyIt's Agent SuBo!
Susan Boyle was sensationally recruited by MI6 last night. Operating under the codename 'Double Oh SuBo - Licensed to Sing', her mission is to infiltrate the highly dangerous international gang known as the 'Red Scarf Brigade' and turn them purple.
Read full storyIrishman gets part time job
Irishman Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly eventually got a part time job supervising a young lad who was training to be a gravedigger. "Where do I start" said the young lad. "Dig a hole right there" said Silly as he looked on. "After s...
Read full storyIrishman arranges to go to New York to visit relatives
Irishman Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly was invited to go to visit his relatives in New York. Silly started by phoning the enquiries desk at Dublin Airport asking the girl "How long does it take to fly from Dublin to New York". The g...
Read full storyBecks Out of Cup after Slipping On Banana Peel Allegedly Hurled on Pitch by Chavez Supporter Sean Penn!
The soccer world was stunned today after it was revealed that David Beckham has been ruled out of the World Cup due to a ruptured Achilles' when he slipped on a Banana Peel hurled on to the pitch in the closing moments of the AC Milan match. Polic...
Read full storyIts official - Robbie Williams is rubbish
Robbie's shameless attempt to get back in the charts has ended in disaster with a number 50 entry! The ex-Take That star is desperate to emulate the success of his old band and will try anything to achieve it. His latest 'charity single' has barely b...
Read full storyIrishman goes for Job Interview
Irishman Cillian Murphy known to his friends as Silly went for a job interview for a computer manufacturing company. Silly went along to the interview with his brother Mick who also applied for the job. The Owner of the factory interviewed them...
Read full storySudden unexplained death mystery of 'The Kumars at No 42' star
Middlesborough - (RIP Mess): The star of TV hit show The Kumars at No. 42 has been found 'inexplicably dead' at home. Ashok Kumar MP, 53, was - coincidentally - the same age as the number of episodes of the cult BBC show about a fictional British...
Read full storyObama Takes Break from Health Care Battle to Treat Family to Pedicures Prior to Indonesian Spring Break Vacation!
Getting ready for a combined Family reunion and vacation in Indonesia next week, Hussein Obama treated the entire family to complete foot care and pedicure treatments in the White House in preparation of the celebratory "home coming' foot baths in...
Read full storyBored Games
MasterBait Games have announced that they are countering the news that the British public are bored of board games. "We realise that modern parents no longer have the time to spend with their children playing Monopoly for thirty-six hours straight...
Read full storySkating On Thin Ice Star Heather Mills Sparks Airport Terror Alert
Heathrow - (Legpulling Mess): Frantic security staff were forced to back down when the ex-Beatle wife rolled up her trouser leg in a carefully-crafted Masonic manuever. Mills, 69, had accidentally set off a high tech alarm necessitating the remova...
Read full storyIs Ashley Cole descended from royal blood?
Scoop decided to take a look at the Cole family tree and I discovered he is! When I spoke to Ash he said "I don't like to use my family to open doors but yes there are a lot of us. Probably the most famous is my distant relative 'Old King Cole,'...
Read full storyKray Twin Ronnie 'is JK Rowling's DNA father'
London - (Rotters): Hidden cold war files at the National Archive in Kew may hold the secrets of JK Rowling's nativity according to latest reports. The serial children's book plagiarist had previously been assumed to be Anne 'Weakest Link' Robinso...
Read full storyOld Photo Of Young Cheryl Cole In Bikini Has Giant Cockroach Behind Her
An old photograph a family member recently discovered of their day at the beach twenty years ago, shows a 13-year-old bikini-clad Cheryl Cole standing in front of a giant cockroach. The photograph had been stuck behind another one from the set and no...
Read full storyNazis infiltrated Vatican with spies dressed as altarboys
Rome - (Sieg Heil!): Using Viennese dwarves who had undergone extensive plastic surgery Adolf Hitler's crack SS division came up with the brainwave caper to get inside the minds - if not bodies - of the wartime Vatican. Recently declassified files...
Read full storyMichael Schumaker quits
Michael Schumaker has sensationally quit the world of motor racing yet again. Michael had apparently been for a job interview in a role which better suited his requirements, but after he had no response assumed he was unsuccessful so decided to go b...
Read full storyBeckham's Tendon Rules Self Out of World Cup
David Beckham's achilles tendon has sensationally ruled itself out of the World Cup, after revelations that John Terry had an affair with its former girlfriend. Reports recently published in the tabloids describe how the Chelsea defender enjoyed a...
Read full storyMichael Owen Comes Clean
Michael Owen has employed the same PR company as Wayne Bridge, Ashley Cole and John Terry in an attempt to get into the world cup squad. With the news that despite stepping down and having some girl he knew in the past sleeping with somebody he on...
Read full storyBeckham's Achiles Heel rules him out World Cup
Achiles was a great warrior in fact he was named the greatest warrior in Homers Iliad. Not Homer Simpson by the way this Homer, was the great Greek epic poet who wrote the Iliad and the Oddysey. Achiles was such a great warrior that it was believe...
Read full storyUK House of Commons in uproar over heelgate scandal
As election fever sweeps the House of Commons and Hairbrush Dave plots with Tebbit the rottweiler a heelish scandal was exposed by Labour MP, Dennis Skinner reports our fashion editor Heidi "cheil" Heald. Rocking on his heels, a sure sign that soo...
Read full storyNew Calendar Required
After a series of earthquakes in the southern hemisphere, the earth's rotation has been speeded up by six minutes a day. In itself, this makes barely any difference, however, those six extra minutes a day add up to one and a half days over the cou...
Read full storyCheryl Cole 'spent £100,000 on private detectives'
London - (Stalkers): Every single Ashley phone call, text message, credit and debit card transaction has been secretly monitored since 2008. "She even got them to bug his GayStation, X-FactaBox, laptop and high-tech electronic toothbrush!" sources...
Read full storyPM Brown relieved of duties
PM Brown was sensationally relieved of his duties by the (Hull City) Labour Party (FC) on Monday morning following his outrageous outburst against the strike action of British Airways staff over the weekend. It has been suggested by sources close...
Read full storyHull City Manager Phil Brown To Take Up Gardening
Hull City manager Phil Brown reacted to his side's unlucky last-gasp defeat to Arsenal at the KC Stadium at the weekend by announcing that, from today, he is to take up gardening. Brown watched as the Tigers, down to 10 men after George Boateng go...
Read full storySubo fanatics latest punishment - Father Ted
It's true, the Subo cult members continue to suffer behind bars. The latest punishment was bestowed upon them like a bleeding blessing. A huge screen was erected in front of their cell and on it -what else - something religious is being screened...
Read full storyLady Gaga and Beyonce Both Deny Reports That Gaga Used A Stunt Double For Her Crotch Closeup In Her New Video "Telephone"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga's latest video for her song "Telephone" was shot at The Abbott and Costello Men's Prison located just outside of Ventura, California. The nine minute video also stars Beyonce as Lady Gaga's BFF. Fox News reported that La...
Read full storyChelsea's Frank Lampard Says That He and Christine Bleakley Are Just BFF's
LONDON - Chelsea footballer Frank "The Lap of Luxury" Lampard has told a very close friend that he and BBC One Show presenter Christine Bleakley are simply BFF's (Best Friends Forever). The Lampster, as his fellow footballers call him, remarked th...
Read full storyRep. Kennedy Retires from Congress, Leprechaun Retires from The Spoof
When Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island announced his retirement from the U. S. Congress, The Spoof's resident Irish leprechaun (pictured here) decided to follow suit, at least as far as work at The Spoof is concerned. He complains that he never...
Read full storyHull City Goalkeeper Boaz Myhill "Unlikely" To Sign For Arsenal - Wenger
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has confirmed this morning that he is "unlikely" to want to sign Hull City goalkeeper Boaz Myhill at any time in the forseeable future. The announcement came after Wenger's side overcame Hull's stubborn resistance in...
Read full storyJerry Seinfeld's Show "Marriage Ref" Fails - Now He'll Try A New Show, "Divorce Ref"
LOS ANGELES - Jerry Seinfeld reeling from having his artistic ego shattered after his short-lived reality show, Marriage Ref was cancelled has stated that you cannot keep a good man down. The man with the sing-song voice has just said that he will...
Read full storySubo fanatics still behind bars
Some Subo fanatics remain behind bars awaiting trial for, amongst other things, 'bestowing blessings randomly on unsuspecting atheists'. They have lately been asking for Walkers crisps since they found out Pamela Anderson is over in UK filming com...
Read full storySubo fanatics very fickle people-now stalking Pamela Anderson
Some of Subo's Red Scarf Brigade are proving to be very fickle indeed. Recently twin fans found out that Pamela Anderson is filming commercials for Walkers Crisps. They don't have many flavours in America apparently and Twin 2 recently lived on Walk...
Read full storyLinford Christie To Return To Athletics
Linford Christie, better known in athletics circles as The Sausage Geezer, has announced that he is to return to the sport later this month, and expects to have gained full fitness in time for fans to see his enormous cock swinging on TV screens at t...
Read full storyDalai Lama Sets Off Dhia-Rumpus On Campus!
A special visit to Borea College in Arkansas by the Dalai Lama to endorse the methods of peace, wound up giving 90% of the students the diarrhea. "I am so sorry, but I was driven through your rural areas before coming here and I had to get out and...
Read full storySperm From Tiger Woods Stolen At Clinic According To Fired Employee
Donald Henderson, until recently employed by a clinic in Mississippi, says that while Tiger Woods was there for sex therapy that some of the doctors there secretly had frozen some sperm. "They think I didn't see what they were up to", stated the f...
Read full storyLady Gaga's Million Dollar Orgy
LAS VEGAS - Men across America have crammed into pharmacies and department stores by the thousands to purchase condoms in the wake of a major announcement by Lady Gaga, who today unveiled her "Million Dollar Orgy" Sweepstakes. Contestants will be...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja's BOOMERS! A Survival Guide for the Future Ch. 1-4
TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter Introduction 1. Who Are We? 2. How To Get To Be Old To 3. Exercise 4. Diet 5. Freedom 6. Seniors and Sex 7. Should You Marry Again? Again? 8. Voting 9. Old-timers and Crime 10. Children and Grandchildren 11. Second Careers 12. Money and Investments 13. Dressing R...
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