New Calendar Required

Written by IainB

Monday, 15 March 2010

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Every 352 years, February will have 31 days...

After a series of earthquakes in the southern hemisphere, the earth's rotation has been speeded up by six minutes a day.

In itself, this makes barely any difference, however, those six extra minutes a day add up to one and a half days over the course of the year. This has lead to a worldwide rush to decide where the extra day and a half will be added.

The current front runner is February.

With only twenty-eight days in a normal year, it would bring it more in line with the other months that have hogged the spare days, by giving it twenty-nine days. In addition to the leap year, that will still occur ever four years, adding the extra day to February bringing it now up to thirty days.

The extra half day will be added in every other year, starting next year so that it will never coincide with a traditional leap year, thus February with have thirty days for three years out of ever four, reducing it's inferiority complex against the other months. As the time added is 1.521 days, every twenty years, the 'hop' year as it will be called, will not happen.

The side effect of these extra days is to cause every computer program and PVR to cease functioning with immediate effect, leading some to speculate this will cause the planet to descend into a collapse of civilisation, probably by 2012, as predicted by the Mayans.

President Obama is calling on the Chinese to finally come good on it's promise and get their entire population to jump at exactly the same time to try and correct the three minutes.

"Our only alternative is to detonate the world's nuclear arsenal over Afghanistan."

Looking at Afghanistan, some pundits are suggesting that this is not the first time that this has happened.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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