Linford Christie To Return To Athletics

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 15 March 2010


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Cocky bastard!

Linford Christie, better known in athletics circles as The Sausage Geezer, has announced that he is to return to the sport later this month, and expects to have gained full fitness in time for fans to see his enormous cock swinging on TV screens at the London 2012 Olympics.

Christie, 50 next month, wowed athletics fans all the way through the 1990s with his gangly penis tucked not-too-discretely into his lycra shorts, and it became a symbol for all that was good in British sprinting.

When he retired from the sport due to a 'drugs ban' in 1997, a huge void was left in the sport where his wonga had been, a void that has remained voidlike in the years since then.

Now, however, fans and desperate middle-aged housewives alike will be able to look forward to seeing Christie crouch down on the starting blocks with his 'helmet' peering out of the side of his shorts, or else protruding through the front of them like some agitated python struggling to break free from a poacher's bag.

On your marks...

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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