LAS VEGAS - Men across America have crammed into pharmacies and department stores by the thousands to purchase condoms in the wake of a major announcement by Lady Gaga, who today unveiled her "Million Dollar Orgy" Sweepstakes.
Contestants will be those purchasing Mr. Happy brand condoms. 20 boxes of these condoms, chosen entirely at random, will contain a golden condom.
Contestants lucky enough to find a golden condom will be treated to an exclusive tour of Lady Gaga's Sex Factory, located at a secret location in the Nevada desert. Contest winners will first be conducted down an artificial river made entirely of Mad Dog 20/20 wine in gondolas made entirely of multicolored leather rowed by eunuchs.
They will then arrive at Lady Gaga's Magical Parlour of Ten Thousand Naughty Things, where ten thousand naughty things will happen to them. Once contest winners have been deloused and hosed down, the Million Dollar Orgy will begin.
Details concerning this highly secret and coveted ritual of extreme wetness are scarce, but it is rumored that the MC for the event is none other than Las Vegas funny man Rip Taylor who, it has been rumored, has been wandering through the Nevada desert on a peyote trip with ostrich plumes sticking out of his ass.
