LONDON - Chelsea footballer Frank "The Lap of Luxury" Lampard has told a very close friend that he and BBC One Show presenter Christine Bleakley are simply BFF's (Best Friends Forever).
The Lampster, as his fellow footballers call him, remarked that he is sick and tired of all of these vicious rumors that have him literally bonking the 31-year-old BBCer from Maidstone all the way up to Steppingly.
Lampard did admit that yes, the thought has crossed his mind (about four or nine times a day) but he is quick to point out that he has chosen to respect Miss Bleakley's suggestion of abstinence until she hears the sound of the wedding bells ringing from the bell tower of St. Cupcake in Fitzrovia.
The Chelsea star was asked what one thing about Bleakley first attracted him to her. He smiles and says that it was definitely her boobs. He thinks for a second and adds "But hold on a minnit, dat is actually two things innit?"
When told that her boobs could technically be counted as one thing he quickly notes that the second thing that attracted him to her were her buns. He then asks if buns counts as two or if it counts as one. He's told that buns, although plural technically, physically, and sexually, are counted as one.
Lampard shakes his head, takes a sip of his Spitfire Beer and says that all of this talk about Christine is making him have some unusual feelings in the crotch of his pants.
He says that he has to excuse himself and runs off to the bathroom to call her on his cell phone.
To see rather explicit photos of Christine Bleakley's upper thighs log on to www.christinebleakysupperthighs.yum
