Musical Group Train Proves You Can Have A Hit Song By Just Putting Random Words Together
TORONTO - Musical group, Train, recently released their fifth album entitled 'Save Me San Francisco' featuring the hit song Hey, Soul Sister to mixed reviews last week. The song, like pretty much any other Train song, features a melodic tune with lo...
Read full storyKyrgyzstan's President will resign if Chris Evans takes over the One Show
President Kurmanbek Bakiyev of top scoring Scrabble named country, Kyrgyzstan is set to resign if Chris Evans replaces Adrian Chiles on the One Show. The troubled president will take the drastic action if the rumours come true and Evans returns to...
Read full storyLiverpool declares itself a republic
The city of Liverpool today erected a 400 ft wall around its borders announcing it no longer wanted to be counted as part of England but to be a country all by itself. The people of Liverpool are now believed to be tying the coast of there city t...
Read full storyHorror As Man Loses Face
Builder and local Surrey resident Tommy Clutterbuck sensationally lost his face yesterday afternoon, around 5:30pm. The budding brickie sneezed after inhaling a small amount of loosened brick dust, when his face slid off. The manky gloop that was...
Read full storyThe Pope Defends Priest against Alter Boys
When asked about the celibacy requirements of priest and weather it leads to the abuse of alter boys, Pope Benedict XVI declined to give an answer. The Vatican in response to the media questioning denied that its celibacy requirement for priests...
Read full storySuBo fanatics to be regulated
After an increasing number of unruly incidents, it was last night announced that Susan Boyle fanatics are to be regulated by a new government body. The Office of the Fanatics Regulator (OfFan) will now be responsible for regulating any Susan Boyle fa...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart like Colonel's Chicken
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart like Colonel Sanders, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and always try to find a branch when they are on location filming. "I just love the Colonel,s Chicken" said Pattinson who is currently working on the Movie Bel Ami.
Read full storyScottish teuchters banned from wearing balaclavas when voting
Residents of the Highlands and Islands and some inner cities in Scotland are calling "foul, it's no fair" on reading on their Official Polling Cards that the wearing of balaclavas in Polling Stations is banned. "It's so cauld up here" moaned a teu...
Read full storyLady Gaga Recognised On Aeroplane
Pop star and fashion icon Lady Gaga was recognised today as she took her seat aboard an aeroplane for an internal flight in America. Gaga didn't have much make-up on and was dressed like normal, just a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and with no ma...
Read full storyMarco Pierre White Banned From Chip Shop
Top telly chef Marco Pierre White has been sensationally banned for life from Seth's Chippy in Leeds Road Bradford. The ban came following a heated argument between Marco and chippy owner Seth Friar over cooking times, the quality of the produce and...
Read full storyWestminster walls tremble as The Spoof announces, "we will fight the election!"
"We'll fight them on the beaches (who?), in the pubs, under the bridges and in South Africa laying down," were the blood curdling words of the next Prime Minister of the UK. Labour, The Conservatives, LIB "DIMS" and the BNP are shaking in their J...
Read full storyMary Potter and the Tempest In Her Womb Part 4
The morrow came with a resounding thump. THUMP! The noise awoke Mary and Armo. Both, startled from their sleep, rubbed their eyes, coughed, Armo farted, Mary sniggered and they readied themselves for what lay ahead. "Good, you woketh rested," Armo began, "We willeth sip from the stream, nibble on some mushrooms which I pickethed last night, and be on our merry way." Armo and Mary walked ba...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Threatens To Batter Susan Boyle
Robert Pattinson went and put his big size 12s in it good and blinkin' proper when he told Kristen Stewart that he thought Susan Boyle had the voice of an angel and that she was probably a really nice lady once you get to know her. Kristen Stewar...
Read full storyGeorge Lopez and Sandra Bullock Spotted At An L.A. Guacamole Dip Diner Dipping Their Chips
LOS ANGELES - George Lopez, who recently starred in the illegal immigrant reality show, Run Paco Run, was seen at a local Guacamole Dip Diner dipping tortilla chips with Sandra Bullock, estranged wife of Jesse "TattoBalls" James. Lopez said that h...
Read full storyPixie Lott Says She's Never Met Robert Pattinson
When asked by roving motorcycle reporter ROYGBIV what she thought about Robert Pattinson, British ainger/actress Pixie Lott threw him a quizzical look and told him that she has never met Rob Pattinson, out of Twilight and Remember Me, or else she wou...
Read full storyNew Tiger Woods Commercial: Dick-tation
The new Tiger Woods commercial for a leading sport shoe manufacturer has been leaked to the press. Tiger is looking directly into the camera. It is a head and shoulders shot. His eyes are soulful and sorrowful. His mouth is set. At times, his eyes are misty and seem to be looking far away. A deep and resonant voice speaks: "Tiger, what are you doing? What are you doing to us? I am dee...
Read full story"Truthers" suspect foul play in Polish plane crash
MOSCOW - As of Monday, 87 corpses have been recovered by Russian rescuers at the crash site of the Polish presidential plane. The bodies are being sent to Moscow where forty-five have already been identified, the Russian health minister said. The Pre...
Read full storyKerry Katona, Britney Spears And Lindsay Lohan Arrange London Pub Crawl
Media darlings Kerry Katona, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan have made tentative arrangements to get together for a girly day out in London. Drinking to excess, in all probability. The trio have arranged to meet in the 'Insane Bargee' pub in L...
Read full storyKatie Price Pulls Out Of London Marathon To Call Peter Andre - Alex Reid Furious, Kerry Katona In Tears
Katie Price has sensationally withdrawn from the London Marathon, after fears that she may have to spend anything up to four hours without calling ex-husband Peter Andre were confirmed by race organisers. Katie has reportedly been calling Andre up...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Open Up The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill
HOUSTON - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have said that they have finally realized one of their goals. The lovey dovey couple have just become the proud owners of their very own restaurant bar named The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill. The total...
Read full storyBlast: Bin Bomb Bang
Danny Windbooth, 36 from Croydon, has been charged by Court Martial for 'recklessly destroying' a dustbin lorry. The bomb disposal expert, who served six tours of Afghanistan, was found guilty of disposing of his bombs in his council wheelie bin.
Read full storyChad Ochocinco Gives His Dancing With The Stars Partner Cheryl Burke One Hell of A Diamond Ring
HOLLYWOOD - Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco has given his dance partner Cheryl Burke, an ex-wide receiver, a huge diamond ring. Ochocinco, which translates into "85" said that he wanted to do something special for the fine assed (h...
Read full storySusan Boyle is not the only famous person in Blackburn, West Lothian
After many months of unwanted attention, intrusions from burglars, the media and some fanatics, Susan Boyle hands over the crown of media personality temporarily. The honour passes to Mr James Devine, born and bred in Blackburn and latterly Member...
Read full storyCanada Has Coldest Winter on Record
Climatologists studying climate change have reported that the winter of 2009-2010 in Canada has been the coldest on record. One Canadian scientist said "it was so cold you could freeze the balls off a pawn shop!" A reporter from Montreal's daily...
Read full storyFacebook To Beat Bullies
Socially Ineptworking site, Facebook, has revealed plans to upgrade its online abuse security for children and young 'adults'. The plans include a so-called 'panic button' on every page. Once pressed, the button alerts police to the online bullyin...
Read full storyCowell to launch hotline for failed BGT contestants
Has TV's Mr Nasty gone soft? Simon Cowell the mahogany millionaire is now reportedly financing a telephone hotline simply for this years failed contestants on Britain's Got Talent. Cowell is famous for the put downs he levels at talentless, no-hop...
Read full storyBrown and Cameron to Meet in Televised 'Cagefight'
Gordon Brown has accepted the Tory party invitation for the party leaders to meet in a no holds barred, bare knuckled 'cagefight' contest just two days before the election. The meeting is to be held at the MEN Arena in Manchester on Tuesday May 4t...
Read full storyCharlotte Church to take on Miss Piggy
Gavin Henson has proposed to Charlotte Church after a drunken night out on the town. Now Miss Church stands to become a millionaire almost overnight when she weds the hair to the Muppet Empire. The once acceptable rugby player apparently awoke from a...
Read full story"Handy" Spoofer Lynton Says 'Adieu" Moves on to Coast of France To Pursue New Nude Tanning Cream Applicator Career!
A self styled 'Palmist', part time Prolific Spoofer, and dreaded English Language Proctor, announced he is taking a summer sabbatical after being chosen to become the "Head Creamer" at a nude French beach resort! The all around self professed 'H...
Read full storyVatican cover-up as President Kaczynski named Pope John Paul II's natural son
Smolensk - (Pie-in-the-Sky): President Lech Kaczynski, who died in a mystery plane crash at the weekend, was Pope John Paul II's son and a secret protégé of current Pope Joe Ratzinger. Kaczynski, 61, and his monozygotic twin Jaroslaw, 69, had been...
Read full storySpam Filters Fail; In-Boxes Filled with Pork By-Product
A recently released and popular Internet security product was found ineffective for blocking erectile dysfunction and Russian dating service E-mails, while further program bugs forced a simultaneous purchase of a widely known pork-based product.
Read full storyShock: Tiger Didn't Lose Masters 2010, He Quit
It has been revealed that embattled golf knobbing legend, Tiger 'Shag' Woods, sensationally quit the Masters 2010 competition. Woods was seen on live television coverage of the event running from the green when a female streaker ran butt-naked acr...
Read full storySubo : I want to sing for the Pope
Susan Boyle has announced she wants to sing for the Pope, and that she would like to do a duet with Lady Gaga, how bizarre is that. Pope Benedict was just eating his breakfast Eggs Benedict, when one of his staff advised him that Subo wants to si...
Read full storyMalta - Phallic art might upset the Pope
A row has erupted in Malta, arguably the most Catholic country in the world, over a phallic shaped piece of art created by Paul Vella Critien. The artwork, called Colonna Mediterranea and superficially resembling a giant blue penis, will be seen b...
Read full storyTory manifesto a hardback, hark back to the hallowed halls
The Tories launched their 2010 General Election manifesto today, at Battersea Power Station, in a hardback cover. PR men at Tory Towers decided that it should be a terrific tome worthy of the upperclass Tory twits. Journos and Tory followers are p...
Read full storyRangers and Flyers melee Gone Batty!
N.Y N.Y : After a heated playoff serious the Rangers and the Flyers got into a wild bench clearing brawl tonight at the Garden. The fight escalated in to the streets where police got involved using water cannons and rubber bullets to subdue the r...
Read full storyBrown says "I love Lady Gaga"
Gordon Brown currently a contender for the worlds ugliest person said today "I love Lady Gaga", but his wife has now told him that number ten will not be the only house he will have to vacate. Father Ted of Craggy Island when told of Brown's infa...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Denies Engagement to Tony Blair
Today, at a press conference at the Crawford Ranch, former president Bush denied allegations of sleeping with Tony Blair, stating, "I did not have sex with that man." The statement follows Tony Blair being brought up on charges in the U.K. Former p...
Read full storyCuba liberalises hairdressers
Cubans this morning woke to the news that Raul Castro is going to privatize State owned hairdressers shops throughout the country. "As part of the liberalization process currently underway in our country, citizens are no longer required to wear go...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart and the Impostor
Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart have been in the news again regarding reports that they met in Budapest, where Robert allegedly proposed to Kristen. Kristen has now made a statement saying "I don't know who Robert met but it was not me I ha...
Read full storyOliver Pelted with Creme Eggs
On the back of crying like a giant baby at the stupidity of American school children, Jamie Oliver was yesterday greeted by a Cadbury's factory worker in Birmingham in egg-straordinary fashion. Whilst on his way to meet the Brum Veg Appreciation...
Read full storyWestboro Baptist Church - "We just want to show God's love."
Following the recent coal mine explosion that killed 29 miners, Westboro Baptist Church members staged a protest spouting hate in the name of God, carrying banners that say, "Thank God for Dead Miners," "You Will Eat Your Babies," God Hates Your Tear...
Read full storyJapan to cut whale quota
A surprise declaration by the International Whaling Commission, issued today, states that Japan has agreed to halve its whaling quota next year. The statement was confirmed by the Japaneses Sushi Minister, Mr Eetsa Lotafish, who said "Japan is sen...
Read full storyLongknob wins Big in Balcombe Bishop Bashing Bonanza
Thor Longknob, Gatwick's World leading Viking re-enactor, is today "standing proud" after his amazing victory in the 69th Annual Balcombe Bishop Bashing Bonanza which is held on the second Sunday in April for no particular reason. Longknob overcam...
Read full storyMolluscs
Researcher Peter Fong has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact that molluscs reproduce at 10 times their normal rate if Prozac is dumped in the water. Fong was pursuing research on the basic nervous system of fingernail clams when he discovered that if he dumped the antidepressant into the water, the clams would start rep...
Read full storyObama Destroys America - Again!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) Washington - President Barack Hussein Obama announced news of his steps to destroy America again today. The details were released in a video on his Tax Savings Plan at Organizing For America. President Obama betrayed corporat...
Read full storyPortsmouth F.C. to auction FA Cup and Premier league starting places to highest bidders.
Cash stricken FA Cup finalists Portsmouth FC have announced via the clubs offical website that first team starting positions for the FA Cup Final against Chelsea at the nearly new Wemberly and all remaining Premier League fixtures will be auctioned o...
Read full storyRude Health
Dear all, You know you are getting older when you start fancying the women in the "Healthspan" brochures. They are always attractive older women. But be careful how many supplements you take ................ Rude Health by Rob Barratt Robert needs supplements to keep him alive Ginseng, 1000 milligrams, 180 for £7.95 They come in a new slimline plastic container Which slides into the sm...
Read full storySport Amalgamation Announced
The top governing bodies of English Football and Cricket have got together recently to thrash out the rules to a new 'cross sport amalgamation' between their two disciplines, and emerged with the world's first new sport in over a hundred years. Pl...
Read full storyScouts try their hand at mythbusting
The 3.172nd Lythom St Annies scout troop, flush from success at disproving Newton and proving Einstein are hot on the trail of some of the world's most tenacious myths. This week, they have been running an experiment to see whether or not a watche...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Operatives Destroy The Original Home of The Dallas Cowboys - Texas Stadium
IRVING - Jerry Jones decided that it would be a whole heck of a lot cheaper to pay Al Qaeda operatives to destroy the outdated Texas Stadium, which was built in 1971, than to pay an American demolition firm to do the job. Jones said that he made h...
Read full storyElin Nordegren Denies The Rumor That She Is Jesse James' Cycle Chick #6
ORLANDO - Elin Nordegren had stopped off at a local Mickey D's to treat her kids to a 'Happy Meal' when she was confronted by the latest "TattooGate" rumor. Mrs. Tiger Woods was asked about the rumors that have been floating around Florida and Geo...
Read full storyCourtney Love Tweets That She Is In Love With Jessica Simpson
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Courtney Love, widow of Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain, and former lead singer with Pink Hole has tweeted that she has fallen in love with Jessica Simpson. Love went on to say that she has no idea why Nich Lachey and Tony Romo both...
Read full storyConan O'Brien Signs On To Be The New TBS Weatherman
ATLANTA - Conan "The Really Red-Haired" O'Brien has just announced that he has agreed to a contract with The Turner Broadcasting Station (TBS). O'Brien has signed on to be the new station weathercaster and is really excited since hurricane season...
Read full storyEx-Spice Girl Victoria Beckham Has Her Bunions Removed and Her Breasts Enhanced
LONDON - After years of going through a lot of foot pain, famous WAG Victoria Beckham has finally decided to have her painful bunions removed. Beckham's personal physician Dr. Chauncey Wilkham said that the ex-Spice Girl did very good and while he...
Read full storyPamela Anderson and Damian Whitewood Really Heat Up The Dancing With The Stars Dance Floor
HOLLYWOOD - Pamela Anderson and her dance partner Damian Whitewood managed to finish in third place out of the remaining nine Dancing With The Stars couples in this weeks edition. Host Tom Bergeron told Damian that every man in America is jealous...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice: Donald Trump Tells Victoria's Secret Model Selita Ebanks To Pack Her Underwear
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump, the man with the funkiest hairdo since Don King, told Victoria's Secret lingerie model Selita Ebanks to pack her bras, panties, teddies, pantyhose, baby dolls, pantiliners, and leave the premises of his show Celebrity Ap...
Read full storySandra Bullock: When I Get Through With Jesse, The Dipshit Will End Up Living In A 10 By 20 Foot Log Cabin in Arkansas
AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock has confided to one of her best friends George Lopez that when she gets through with the womanizing tattooed piece of bison shit Jesse "Bowling Balls" James he will be living in a 10 by 20 foot log cabin in the Arkansas Ozarks...
Read full storyPlucky Brit Comes Second In Race To South Pole
Plucky Brit Robert Falcon Scott was forced to concede defeat to that Norwegian swine Amundsen in the race to the South Pole, reports ROYGBIV. Despite the cold and the bad weather, Scott fought on despite not wearing a tie and despite Captain Oate...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Kristen Stewart - There Is No Sex Tape
All you Twi-Hards - you can stop looking now, and that's official, because there is no professionally produced sex tape of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in hot, graphically detailed sex-action. There isn't a DIY version doing the rounds eit...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson And Cheryl Cole Spotted Together
Did she? Didn't she? No. - I have it on good authority that Kristen Stewart did not visit Robert Pattinson on the set of Bel Ami in Budapest. In fact, Stewart never left LA, where she has been making arrangements to celebrate her birthday. However...
Read full storyShia LaBeouf - Dark And Dangerous In London
Actor Shia LaBeouf has revealed that he has a really dark side to reporters recently. His comments that he's mainly negative about things in a rock'n'roll star way have been devoured by the American media. But here in the UK, we already knew that,...
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