Thor Longknob, Gatwick's World leading Viking re-enactor, is today "standing proud" after his amazing victory in the 69th Annual Balcombe Bishop Bashing Bonanza which is held on the second Sunday in April for no particular reason.
Longknob overcame splinters and severe repetitve strain injury as he beat a well endowed gang of fellow Bishop Bashers in the International Final to lift the Famed and much coveted "Golden Dong Trophy", sponsored by "CrippleCock's Cider" to celebrate those of "Outstanding Girth".
Longknob's legendary double headed "War Axe" was out on display across the bar as he quaffed pints of Creme De Menthe to celebrate his elevated status. Longknob told our reporter through his Creme De Menthe dripping beard that he occasionally had a nice Semillon whilst winking seductively at Cheryl behind the Bar.
Cheryl the barmaid tried to describe the 79th Wonder of the World to our reporter in graphic detail backing up her claims with photos on her mobile phone!
"I've never seen one like it she giggled"! "It has bite marks, cigarette burns, a badly spelt tattoo, barnacles, several piercings & what looks like graffiti on it", "it even bends the wrong way" said the "Pert & Perky Pint Puller" from Petworth.
Longknob.......You know it makes sense.
