Kyrgyzstan's President will resign if Chris Evans takes over the One Show

Written by Bill Licks

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

image for Kyrgyzstan's President will resign if Chris Evans takes over the One Show
Fuck off you ginger twat

President Kurmanbek Bakiyev of top scoring Scrabble named country, Kyrgyzstan is set to resign if Chris Evans replaces Adrian Chiles on the One Show.

The troubled president will take the drastic action if the rumours come true and Evans returns to prime time BBC on a Friday night.

Bakiyev used to tune in regularly to TFI Friday on Channel 4 during the 90's but only to shout obscenities every time Evan's face appeared on the TV.

In fact he despised the ex Big Breakfast presenter so much that he set about cleansing Kyrgyzstan of all people with ginger hair, those who wore glasses, and anyone called Chris or Evans.

Bakiyev is a big fan of the One Show and loves the chemistry between Chiles and co-presenter Christine Bleakley. He is believed to have vomited openly in public at the thought of Evans sitting next to Bleakley on the sofa and set about changing the words of the Kyrgyzstan national anthem in protest.

Oh ginger one, oh ginger one
You really make me sick
I hate the ground you walk upon
You four-eyed little prick

I hate your voice, I hate your laugh
I hate your cocky front
You've never ever made me laugh
You boring little son of a Sulayman Mountain goat.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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