Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Open Up The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 13 April 2010


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Open Up The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill.

HOUSTON - Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have said that they have finally realized one of their goals. The lovey dovey couple have just become the proud owners of their very own restaurant bar named The Vampire Sux Bar & Grill.

The total cost of the new establishment was put on Rob's Diamond Sparkle Credit Card. Kristen gave Robby cash for her 50 percent interest in the bar and grill which is located right across from Minute Maid Park, home of the National League Houston Astros.

Pattinson said that it has always been a lifelong dream of his to own either a tire shop, a manicure and pedicure salon, or a bar and grill.

Stewart said that as a little girl growing up in Los Angeles she would often think about owning her very own greeting card shop.

She pointed out that she is very disappointed that she was never able to get that little Hallmark Card place she has always wanted but she is thrilled with her and Robby's bar and grill.

She noted that The Vampire Sux will specialize in old-fashioned Texas-style barbecue burgers. She said that other menu items will include Armadillo Ribs Sauteed in Lone Star Beer, Wild Javelina (Boar) Meatballs Marinated in Jose Cuervo Tequila, Pancho Villa Enchiladas Smothered in Dos Equis Cerveza, and Rattlesnake Tenders Basted in Southern Comfort.

Kristen did want to note that The Vampire Sux will also offer a non-alcoholic food menu featuring Wild West items such as Jesse James Hot Dogs, Billy The Kid Pizza, Cole Younger Sweet & Sour Tamales, and Sam Bass Bass Brisket.

To view some very recent highly revealing nude snapshots of Lindsay Lohan log on to

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more