News of the World buggery claim
London - (Rotten Ass Mess): The News of the Screws buggered over three thousand people according to a High Court judgement delivered today. But the phone buggery case cost parent company News International one million pounds after the judge said s...
Read full storyReverend Luscious Smith? They gotta be takin' the piss!
Los Angeles - (ReadMyLipsNoMoreTexas! Mess): To some Jackson Memorial groupies Pastor Luscious Smith, the Bel Air reverendo with the porn star moniker, wasn't exactly your Cardinal Theodore Edgar McCarrick, Archbishop of Washington at Ronald Reagan'...
Read full story'United Breaks Guitars' Becomes a Youtube Hit
Halifax, NS - An obscure Canadian band who had their guitar broken by United Airline Baggage handlers have scored a viral Youtube hit with the song 'United Breaks Guitars'. The band, Sons of Maxwell, received no satisfaction when trying to come t...
Read full storyScandal in Spoof Palace: Queen Offs Young Lady in Waiting/Blood On the Forum!
United Kingdom/Somewhere in a Literary Bog - The Spoof World was in shock today, as Her Royal Highness , Queen of Spoof Dominatrix , QM, easily blew off a potential challenger in the form of a cheeky 19 year old pretender. With over 10,000 Spoo...
Read full storySpoof Writer Almost But Not Quite Pens Bad Story
Spoof writers the world over today waited with bated breath, hugging computer screens as news leaked out that writer for satirical website TheSpoof.com Abel Rodriguez had submitted a bad story. A spokesman for the Rodriguez camp denied the allegat...
Read full story"Sink Immigrants' Boat" Says BNP Leader
British Numpty Party leader Dick Sniffin says that the Royal Navy should slaughter immigrants at sea. "Killing a load of foreigners at sea is exactly what made Britain great in the first place" said Mr Sniffin. Such claims have caused an uproar. S...
Read full storyPlanet Earth Has Shot It's Wad
London: A scientific group of scientists have met for three days and all have come to the same conclusion, "The earth as we know it and still being recognizable has had a fork stuck in it's ass and been turned over...twice. The recent wildfires, s...
Read full storySobering Thoughts As Alcohol Deaths Rise
People suffered from sobering thoughts earlier today when it was announced that drink related deaths were on the increase. Ewen Chatfield was enjoying a few jars in his local "One More Into The Wind Please" when the news broke. Chatfield was so upset...
Read full storyWillow Palin: "Like, get over it, Paris Jackson!"
Juneau-her, Alas!-ka - (Rotters): Willow Palin has sent Paris Jackson a sweet message of condolence after seeing her very under-rehearsed primetime coast-to-toast (sick!) debut performance on TV yesterday. The fourteen year old commiserated with J...
Read full storyTop 12 Ways To Ruin A Star Trek Convention
12. Keep announcing "The Geek Has Left The Room!" 11. Go as a Wookie with a taped loud Wookie sound you set off whenever someone tells you that Wookies were in Star WARS!! 10. "Ever hear a Ferengi fart?" 9. Go up to a Seven Of Nine as say, "I've known Seven of Nine, All Nine of Nine were friends of mine. But you Madame, are no Seven of Nine!" 8. Set joy buzzer in hand on "Stun!"...
Read full storyStockbroker suicide from Sir Terence Con-Artist restraurant
London - (Salmonella Ass Mess): Amuse bouche?? Ya know that gut feeling feeling in the pit of yer stomach that says something was well dodgy about the king prawns alfredo? Well today a City stockbroker made the ultimate in gastronomic stateme...
Read full storySatirical Website Rocked By Scandal
Satirical website TheSpoof.com was today left reeling under a stormcloud of controversy as contributors scrambled to get to the bottom of the Chamone mystery. Spoof writer, Chamone, who appeared within the last few days posted a captivating avatar...
Read full storyConsumer Alert: Hyperbaric chamber Recall
Hyperbarics R Us, the manufacturers of the oxygenated chambers designed to prolong human life, have issued a product recall. All consumers who purchased a hyperbaric chamber product between 1990 and 1999, are asked to contact the manufacturer so...
Read full storyReal Madrid Change Name To Ronaldo Madrid
Real Madrid, Spanish football legends, have changed their name to Ronaldo Madrid. It is believed to be the ultimate example in marketing taking over top flight football. Madrid great Alfredo Di stefano said "we have truly sold our soul. Nothing re...
Read full storyShhhhhh....Jackson's body was flown for burial under the Vatican
Los Angeles - (Rioters): As a one billion global tv audience watched the Jackson family circus on primetime coast to coast on Tuesday Michael Jackson's remains were secretly flown by private chartered aircraft for internment in a special child molest...
Read full storySan Francisco Onion Proposes "3-Way" with BuckwheatsButt, Chamone
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The founder of the San Francisco Onion has noticed that BuckwheatsButt and Chamone are spending a lot of time together lately, nestled together "all warm and snuggly," having spent more than 2 days now at the number 6 and 7 positi...
Read full storyFury As Thomas The Tank Engine Goes to War
Furious parents are marching on Westminster today to protest the perceived "Militarisation" of children's television, and the "Theft of innocence." Since MPs voted to introduce the under-five's curriculum, current affairs will be making an appeara...
Read full storyWanking to be Olympic Sport by 2012
The noble art of masturbation is amongst a number of proposed events to be considered for inclusion by the 2012 Olympic games in Britain. Wanking is believed to be the most popular pastime amongst males between the ages of 13 to 99 - with female p...
Read full storyBird that's Seldom Seen No Longer the Most Admired
Ornithologists have decreed null and void archaic the law that states that seldom seen birds are to be admired above those that are quite commonly spotted. Woody Woodpecker, the head ornithologist at St. Anus' College, Manchester, said that the an...
Read full storyWorlds first Machine designed for Photocopying Arses Goes on Sale Today
Electronics' experts Tic-Tech have released the worlds first copy machine specifically designed for recording high-grade images of office workers' bare naked arses. The device comes with a bucket seat and steps for easy access for drunken employee...
Read full storySuperman's Career Ruined as final Telephone Box Removed
No more will the cry of "is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Superman!", be heard in the tiny fishing village of Glamogylly, Wales as its last telephone box was removed yesterday due to commercial reasoning. The worst hit will be local mild-man...
Read full storyMichael Jackson to be Buried at Graceland
Dead pop star Michael Jackson is to be buried at the legendary home of Elvis Presley at Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee. A plot has been especially dug by Lisa Marie Presley to accommodate the large gold coffin of her former husband. The two l...
Read full storyBrooke Shields Tipped for Oscar Glory after Jackson Memorial Performance
Actress Brooke Shields has been tipped to win the Oscar in the Best Supporting Actress category after her whirlwind performance during the Michael Jackson memorial concert yesterday. Shields managed to laugh AND cry during her 5-minute rambling s...
Read full storySpoof writers union threaten strike if any more Whacko stories are published!
UK, serious (what!) Spoof writers are threatening strike action if any new Whacko, Jacko stories are published. Led by their spokesman Skoob99, the union better known as "ABUNCHOFWANKERS AND EX COALMINERS" will start strike action immediately. Man...
Read full storyGhost of Michael Jackson Says Memorial Service Was Crap
The Ghost of Michael Jackson was not impressed with his memorial service and has lodged a complaint with God and the television networks. "There was too much stupid nobodies I barely knew getting up on stage and talking crap", said Jackson's ghost...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Kids become new Faces of Wine Gum Adverts
Sweet makers have signed up the children of pop star Michael Jackson to appear in their new adverts for their popular 'Wine Gums' brand. A company representative noticed that the children were chewing continuously all the way through the memorial...
Read full storyWelsh Boy Wanders onto Stage at Jackson Memorial Concert
The World watched in horror as a Welsh boy somehow managed to get up and perform on the stage at Michael Jackson's memorial concert. By the time he was eventually dragged off stage by burly security staff, the Welsh boy had managed to not only com...
Read full storyG8 Summit Leaders Set Two Degree Global Warming Limit
World leaders at the G8 Summit Meeting approved a motion to limit global warming to a maximum of a two degree celcius increase. This is the first agreement on any matter pertaining to global warming among the group. Outside of the meeting, United...
Read full storyIMF Expects World Economy to have Slow Recovery
In an interview in his Paris office, Jim Phelps of the IMF said that he thought that the world would have a slow recovery from the current bad economy. He added, however, that this was not his field of study and that we were probably interviewing th...
Read full storyRepeal on hunting ban to beat recession stress
The Tories revealed today that their main priority during the recession will be to launch a campaign to repeal the ban on fox hunting. Conservative Shadow Justice Minister Egbert Garnier said the ban on hunting with hounds, which came into force in F...
Read full storyIs Kristen Stewart Pregnant By Robert Pattinson?
That's what all the fans are trying to find out after the story and a photo of Stewart's little round belly appeared in an Australian publication, News Weekly. The story has now been picked up here in the U.S. and was touched upon by the New York...
Read full storyTomb is empty
Three days after he died, sources near the Jackson family report that they went to visit his crypt and found it open and empty. According to one anonymous woman who was close to The King of Pop's entourage, she went to visit the tomb before dawn...
Read full storyCrystal Defanti To Make Appearance At G8 Summit
L'Aquila, Italy - Crystal Defanti, the American school teacher who unwittingly included her own personal sex tape in a DVD she gave to her students, will make an appearance at the G8 summit in Italy. She is a guest of Prime Minister Berlusconi, noted...
Read full storyJet Airways To Offer Standing Room In Luggage Compartment
Toledo, OH - An upstart American discount charter carrier, Jet Airways, is ready to offer its customers standing room in the luggage compartments of it's Boeing 737 aircraft for an incredibly low price of $19.99 US return. Said company media rep,...
Read full storyMan With The Wold's Smallest Penis To Be In Play
Penis Minus(not his real name) has agreed to star in a new stage production, The Pecker Of Dorian Gray. "I've gotten my courage up after marrying my sweetie pie", Penis Minus who will play Dorian Gray, only in this version, a portrait of Penis Min...
Read full storyBoogertown Apocalyptic Group Meet
In order to boost morale after yet another unfulfilled apocalyptic prophecy of nuclear proportions, members of the Movement To Hallow Earth After Destruction in Boogertown(B-T-HEAD/BOTOWN) emerged from their compound and walked down the road apiece, stumbling into trees and falling over each other as they adjusted to daylight, to Rudy's Bar in Booger Green for Happy Hour -- $2 beers, $3 drinks and...
Read full storySays Dad To Lily Collins - 'Stay Away From Adam Lambert'
London, UK - Celebutant Lily Collins, daughter of drummer Phil Collins, has been told by her father to stay away from American Idol Adam Lambert. Said father Phil, "Adam Lambert is a football hooligan, a lout. I don't want him anywhere near my daught...
Read full storyHarry Potplant and The Chamber of Skunk
All the stars turned out last night for the premiere of the new Harry Potplant film. Harry Potplant and the Chamber of Skunk has the hero do battle with the munchies at the 24hour garage near Hogwarts. The munchies attack following the discovery o...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Cologne - 'Perpetuity' To Hit Stores Soon
Beverly Hills, CA - In an effort to cash in on the overwhelming popularity of the recently deceased Michael Jackson, 'The King Of Pop', marketers are preparing to release a new cologne. The cologne will be called Michael Jackson - 'Perpetuity'. Sa...
Read full storyMichael Jackson is well and alive and living at Disneyland Paris
"I thought no one cared," said Michael Jackson as he watched his funeral on the television set in the lounge of the five-star hotel in Disneyland Paris where he now lives. The pop star arrived at the theme-park outside the French capital eight hou...
Read full storyBirth Of A Super Hero
It was Monday morning. Wheelie bin day in West Cheam. The residents had all dutifully left their bins at the edge of their properties. Nobody had over-filled. The dust cart travelled around the narrow streets with care. The crew were working fast-Mondays were always busy. Charlie and Dave moved with ease, placing the bins on the back of the cart. Steve was at the wheel. An experienced driver, he k...
Read full storyHarry Potter Frustrated In NYC!
Daniel Radcliffe, alias Harry Potter, doesn't appreciate the drinking age in the United States because he's still not old enough to go into liquor stores or to party legally, according to The Daily News. Since he's been living in New York City be...
Read full storySecrets Revealed From The Spoof Slumber Party
Friday evening, on the eve of the Fifth Annual Spoof Magazine Writer's Picnic (the first in Texas), police officers were sent to the home of Madeline (Madame) Bitters to break up a domestic disturbance. Investigating officers at the scene report tha...
Read full storyNew Chrysler adds "Real Horsepower"
(AP) Detroit - The newly restructured Chrysler Corporation has wasted no time taking a unique lead in vehicle propulsion, completely eliminating the pollution producing internal combustion engine. "Beginning in 2010 all Chrysler vehicles will be...
Read full storyChinese Leader Leaves G8 Summit In Disgust
Chinese leader Sun Leeve Job walked out of the G8 summit in disgust earlier today. He is said to have been very disappointed at the standard of protests in Italy. One insider said "He came here feeling a little homesick. He wanted some really big rio...
Read full storyOscar Mayer Bites the Big One
MADISON, WI - Oscar G. Mayer, third Oscar Mayer in a family that created an artificially preserved, mechanically separated food product empire, died today at the age of 95, having achieved nearly twice the shelf life of his company's hot dogs. Ask...
Read full storyDick Cheney shoots own pecker off
In what is being described by Republican sources as a "freak hunting accident," on July 8 former US Vice President Dick Cheney inadvertently fired a .22 rifle at himself while on a duck-shoot in the Chesapeake Bay area, causing severe gunshot injuri...
Read full storyNew MI6 C In "Filthy" Internet Pictures
London, Rooters - The new head of MI6, Sir John Sawyers, has been immersed in further scandal as it emerged his wife has posted pictures of the couple taking part in "unusual sexual activity" on internet social web picture talk dirty site Vicebook.
Read full storyPalin Leaving Office to Take Politikal Science Klasses
KOTZEBUE, AK - Sarah Palin, governor of America's last frontier, spoke to a cheering crowd of 300 in a remote Alaskan village 30 miles North of the Arctic Circle today, finally addressing speculation concerning her seemingly inexplicable decision to...
Read full storyThe Ashes "No Repeat Of 2005"
Australian captain Ricky Pointless has said that he does not expect a repeat of 2005. "In 2005 the cricket was excellent and everybody got excited and had a great time. That level of enthusiasm will not be around this time. Playing the first test in...
Read full storyGordon Brown "Don't Say That You're With Us"
Gordon Brown has sent an email to Labour Party members urging them not to admit that they are members. In the email Brown says that they should "try to avoid" admitting membership of the Labour Party when writing to the press. Brown urged them to be...
Read full storyHuman Sperm Created In Newcastle Laboratory
Scientists have made a major breakthrough by creating human sperm. However, the claim is not without some controversy. Critics have claimed that it is not genuine human sperm and there are also those who believe that scientists should leave well alon...
Read full storyJanet Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Queen Latifah To Record A Michael Jackson Tribute Single
LOS ANGELES - Michael Jackson's sister Janet Jackson has stated that she will be entering the recording studio and recording a tribute song to her brother with Mariah Carey and Queen Latifah. The song which was co-written by Smokey Robinson and Si...
Read full storyLady Gaga To Cover Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean", Dance The Moonwalk
Up-and-coming artist Lady GaGa is set to perform Michael Jackson's 1980s hit single "Billie Jean" on her upcoming tour dates. She will also dance the famous Moonwalk, mixed with a bit of Tecktonik and salsa. Lady GaGa said she was "very sad for...
Read full storyPresident Barack Obama Names Rev. Al Sharpton To Be His Speech Writer
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama, after hearing the Rev. Al Sharpton's tribute speech to Michael Jackson during the Michael Jackson Memorial Service has asked him to join his cabinet as chief speech writer. As the president watched Rev. Sharpton...
Read full storyBrooke Shields Proposed To Michael Jackson
HOLLYWOOD - Brooke Shields has just revealed a very intimate secret that she has kept inside of her for fifteen years. The statuesque star stated that in 1994 she fell in love with Michael Jackson while the two of them were having M&M Blizzar...
Read full storyAdam Lambert: Michael Jackson Cloned Me
Sources close to Michael Jackson the King of Pop and the Preposterous have reported that he was obsessed with the desire to clone himself in the hope that his genetic duplicate given a different environment might turn out to less of a freak. American...
Read full storyEcclestone to Run Motor Racing at Auschwitz
Herr Bernhard Ecclestone has announced that the next running of the Race Cars will be in Poland. Ecclestone long an admirer of the efficiency of fascist dictators has become increasingly frustrated with the careless sense of time and organisation...
Read full story"Mammy" Ramirez Ejected for Indecent Exposure
Since the artless Dodger Manny Ramirez has returned from his fifty game suspension for having a performance enhancing female sex hormone in his bloodstream, things have just gone downhill. Ramirez now known as " Mammy" because of the bodacious tatas...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Fans Disrupt Memorial at Staples Center
Los Angeles, California - A relatively small but outspoken group of true Michael Jackson fans in attendance of the ticketed event only at the Staples Center for their namesake fallen hero, The King of Pop, disrupted the memorial proceedings today by...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Vajay Found Holding Missing Jewels and Bikinis
Lately whatever Lindsay Lohan models goes missing... First jewels and now five bikinis... Missing that was until a suspicious private dick started to pry into the shadowy crevices where ladies like Lohan like to hide their hot wares. Sure enough...
Read full storyCongress Compromises on Affordable Health Care
Washington DC: Congress has finally reached a compromise on a Health Care bill to cover all Americans. This reform bill balances the level of care and cost, such that President Obama is expected to sign it into law. The bill considers only the gov...
Read full storyShields tipped for Oscar success following Michael Jackson Memorial
Following today's emotional Michael Jackson memorial concert, Hollywood insiders have been speculating that friend of MJ and fellow childhood deity, Brook Shields, could actually receive an Oscar nod for her live speech which clearly reached out touc...
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