People suffered from sobering thoughts earlier today when it was announced that drink related deaths were on the increase. Ewen Chatfield was enjoying a few jars in his local "One More Into The Wind Please" when the news broke. Chatfield was so upset that he battered himself to death with one of the pub's summer menus (2 meals for £7.99 on a Thursday).
Professor Abid Ali, the author of the report said "We are not saying don't drink (hooray!). What we are saying is look where you are fucking going on the way home. The number of idiots who fall into a ditch! Bloody ridiculous."
So, please remember, if you must drink write your name and address in biro on your forehead first!