New Chrysler adds "Real Horsepower"

Funny story written by tlmedia

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

image for New Chrysler adds "Real Horsepower"
Unidentified Horse Appears Happy With Chrysler Decision

(AP) Detroit - The newly restructured Chrysler Corporation has wasted no time taking a unique lead in vehicle propulsion, completely eliminating the pollution producing internal combustion engine.

"Beginning in 2010 all Chrysler vehicles will be horse-drawn," said a spokesman. "It's such a simple solution, truly out of the box, or should I say stall, " he said with a laugh. "We got the idea when looking at a Ferrari and it's iconic 'prancing horse' hood emblem." Ferrari is part of the New Chrysler.

High-end supercars will retain their high output gas engines. "We might rethink that in the future," said the spokesman, "not every sports car owner wants neck-snapping power and many are horse owners and lovers. It could be a perfect fit."

"The U.S. horse configured Chrysler products will require some major modifications," according to Mario Nunzio Equus, chief engineer for the newly formed "MPV" (Mammal Powered Vehicles) unit. "The empty engine compartment she will storea the contents of our patented "Equine Refuse Collector" that will picka upa all of the 'concime del cavallo'...or how you say...'horse shit,' the steering wheel she will pull the reins lefta or righta and when you step on the acceleratora little electronic controlled whips will smack the horses' asses. Itsa Ok though, all approved by PITA. Good, good.

"The brake pedal she will pull back on the horse bits. "Leave lotta time for the 'luce rossa, what you call 'red light," Equus cautioned. "We'lla be sticking a catalytic converter into eacha horse behind to takea care of the 'gas del cavello,' you call 'horse farts,' yes? The EPA demnda that. Lotta stinky methane."

One of the major design challenges was designing a system so the driver could see the road ahead. It was solved when Equus and his team decided to place a tiny TV camera on one of the lead horses and feed it to a dashboard screen. "Hey,you can even changa channel if you drive on a straight road and don't want to see whatsa up front," Equus added.

The initial production will offer two, four or six horses depending upon the size on the vehicle. The popular PT Cruiser will be pulled by 2 horses while the heavy 300 C gets six. There will be an optional roof-top seat and driving controls, much like a yacht or an antique stagecoach. "Aside from that, there will be no changes in the body styles. We are asking gas station to sell horse food, but you can always fill the trunk with it."

In a break with tradition the horse powered Chryslers will make their debut at the 2010 Kentucky Derby at the invitation of the the USEF, "United States Equestrian Federation." Most manufacturers present ther new models at auto shows around the world.

By Howard Cronkite Jr., AP Summer Intern Automotive Reporter

The Following Associated Press Summer interns also contributed to this story: Fluffy Lauer, Pinky Wallace, Corky Couric, Taco Rivera & Stoddard "Little Brian" Williams

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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