Written by Earl Grey

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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There Was Something Mysterious In The Red Bin

It was Monday morning. Wheelie bin day in West Cheam. The residents had all dutifully left their bins at the edge of their properties. Nobody had over-filled. The dust cart travelled around the narrow streets with care. The crew were working fast-Mondays were always busy. Charlie and Dave moved with ease, placing the bins on the back of the cart. Steve was at the wheel. An experienced driver, he knew the round like the back of his hand.

All was quiet. All was exactly as it should be. But. In the shadows there lurked a fiend. The evil Dr XS had made it his goal to disrupt rubbish collection in West Cheam. "Once they are on the main road I have them. Let's see how they manage without any brakes. Hee hee hee hee hee! Nothing can stop me now."

The dust cart pulled out onto the main road. Steve opened up the motor and reached 30mph. He always loved to give it something extra on the main road. "Listen to that lads. What a magnificent beast she is!" Up ahead the traffic lights shone a brilliant red. Steve touched the brakes. Nothing! He tried again. The brakes did not respond. "Fuck! I can't stop it!" he cried. "Jump lads, quick!" The three man crew leapt from the rapidly moving dust cart. Through the red lights it went, and straight towards West Cheam cemetery.

In the cemetery Reverend Bowie was conducting the funeral service of Mavis Spiddle. "Ashes to ashes, dust to DUST CART!!! Scatter!" The dust cart crashed through the cemetery walls and headed straight for the crowd. Disaster was certain to happen.

From out of nowhere a figure clad in spandex appeared. He leapt on to the roof of the dust cart and then in through the driver's window. He grabbed the wheel. "If I can just turn the wheel, I can make the roundabout. If I can keep going we will run out of fuel." The unknown figure managed to control the giant vehicle. He took the vehicle round and round, faster and faster. It was now up to 45mph. Sure enough it broke down, coming to a shuddering halt.

Reverend Bowie rushed to the scene. "You saved all of us. How can we ever thank you?" asked the Reverend.

"That's ok, Padre, it's all in a day's work for Dust Man!' And with that he was gone.

Dr XS had observed the rescue. "You win this time, Dust Man. But I will be back!"

Na nana na nana nana na nanna DUST MAN!!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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