Palin Says Afghan Withdrawal Timetable "Artificial", Could Prevent US Chances of Quitting Sooner
Wasilla, AL - In a Facebook posting former Alaska governor Sarah Palin called Barack Obama's timetable for withdrawal from Afghanistan "artificial", saying that the timetable could prevent a US victory and make it harder for the US to quit before the...Read full story
Aborted Chicago Olympic Plans Revealed
The city of Chicago, Illinois, which lost out to Rio De Janiero to host an Olympic Games, has revealed their business plan. The plan, which had been approved by the Chicago Olympic Organizing Committee, the Mayor's Office and City Council, and the G...Read full story
Robert Downey Jr. Admits To Mistakes on Sherlock Holmes Movie
Robert Downey Jr. has admitted that several mistakes and inconsistencies crept into the new "Sherlock Holmes" movie. The film, scheduled for release on Christmas Day in the United States, is loosely based on the character created by Sir Arthur Conan...Read full story
The Tiger (with apologies to William Blake 1757-1827)
TIGER, tiger, burning bright In the fleshpots of the night, What trembling hand on flaccid cock Could frame thy awesome steering lock? In what luscious deeps or pits Burnt the fire of thine lips? On what thrusts dare he aspire? He who loves to play with fire? What cold muff or harlot's art Could twist the sinews of thy heart? And when thy balls began to heat,...Read full story
Britney Spears Celebrates 28th Birthday
Britney Spears celebrated her 28th birthday without drawing much attention. The former pop princess and pop-tart who was once the darling of the media and paparazzi has dropped out of the spotlight since her wild living and actions turned many peopl...Read full story
Jennifer Lopez Happy That Private Spanking Footage Cannot Be Shown
A judge that ruled in favor of Jennifer Lopez in a case against an ex-husband has made the actress and singer very happy. The court ruled that her ex, Ojani Noa, will not be able to use footage of the couple shot on their honeymoon or during the...Read full story
Jennifer Aniston Admits "Yogi Changed My Life"
Actress Jennifer Aniston, one time star of Friends and former wife of Brad Pitt, has admitted that a Yogi changed her life. No, it was not her yoga instructor or a man working with her on transcendental meditation or eastern religious philosophies.Read full story
Ugly Betty Spawns First Spin-off
The television hit series has spawned its first spin-off. Butt-Faced Rosie will make it's debut in the coveted, high ratings spot right after this year's Super Bowl. The program'c characters will appear on two of the January episodes of Ugly Betty,...Read full story
Al Sharpton Upset At Use Of Term "Black Ice"
Al Sharpton is upset at news stations and highway departments using the term "black ice" to describe dangerous driving conditions. He said to reporters in New York City that the wording is racial and derogatory and that he will call in watchdogs at...Read full story
American Idol Winner Fantasia Barrino To Star In New Reality Show
Season three winner of American Idol, Fantasia Barrino, is set to star in her own, new reality series. The show, "Why You Should Watch Me And Not Adam Lambert," is set to debut on MTV on January 15th. This new reality series will focus on the har...Read full story
New Arkansas Driver's License To Include Cup Size and Breast Measurement
Beginning in January of 2010, all driver's licenses issued in the state of Arkansas will include women's breast measurements and cup sizes. These may be updated on licenses free of charge at any motor vehicle department location for any females expe...Read full story
Meredith Baxter is a lesbian
Actress Meredith Baxter confirmed the rumors that she is a lesbian. Meredith Baxter worked on "Family Ties". "It was a later in life recognition because young men didn't find my wrinkled face attractive anymore," the actress explained to Matt...Read full story
One Of The World's Leading Psychiatrists Says Tiger Woods Took His Nickname Too Literally
BUDAPEST, Hungary - One of the world's leading psychiatrist Vinci Miskovic of Budapest said that he blames Tiger Woods problems on his nickname. Growing up with the nickname Tiger, whose real name is Eldrick Tont Woods, young Eldrick was expected...Read full story
Polanski Out Of Jail On $4.5 Million Dollar Bail
Director Roman Polanski will leave jail Friday on $4.5 million dollars in bail ($1.5 million dollars for each bodily orifice through which he raped a 13 year old girl). Polanski will then be expected to remain at his Gstaad chalet to await word on w...Read full story
Merideth Baxter Admits It Was Michael J. Fox That Made Her Gay
Actress Merideth Baxter, who starred as Michael J. Fox's mother on Family Ties during the 1980's, has come out of the closet and admitted that she is a lesbian. Baxter, who has been married three times and has five children, said that it was the Mic...Read full story
Little Red Riding Hood Admits "When Big Bad Wolf Tried To Eat Me, It Was Consentual"
In a press conference held in her late Grandmother's house, Little Red Riding Hood has admitted that she lied in her allegations against the Big Bad Wolf. "When I said that he tried to eat me that one night forty years ago, it was actually consentua...Read full story
"Don't You Want Me Baby?" Cocktail Waitress Asks Tiger
She was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when a famous man named Tiger found her. So claims cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, 24, a young lady who popped out of the woodwork faster than shit flies off a swung stick. The young lady claims...Read full story
Rober Ebert Sues Hitchhikers For Copyright Violations
Film critic Roger Ebert has announced that he is suing hitchhikers across the freeway and interstate system for violations of copyright. Several years ago, Ebert and his late partner, Gene Siskel, trademarked their famous "thumbs up" symbols. "Th...Read full story
White House Party Crasher Michaele Salahi Hates Prison, Says It Smells Nothing Like The White House
BALTIMORE - Michaele Salahi, alias one/half of the White House Party Crashers team says that she hates being in prison. The statuesque bleached blonde says that prison stinks. She said that it smells like dirty pantyhose, sweaty bras, soiled under...Read full story
Tom Cruise To Star In Ishtar Remake
Tom Cruise, the man who believes that everything he touches turns to gold, will star in a remake of the 80's bomb Ishtar. The film is generall considered one of the worst ever made and starred generally bankable Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty.Read full story
Communist party leader admits ideas "just won't work"
The leader of the Communist Party of Great Britain, Trevor Griff-Griff-Griffiffifths, spoke exclusively today to TheSpoof and described how he realised that the party's ideas were "all nonsense" and "could never work". Mr Griff-Griff-Griffiffifths became leader in 2004, a move which he now describes as a mistake. He said, "I thought it would be cool - all the T-shirts with Che Guevara, the sens...Read full story
Running Back Sues To Have Stats Combined
A college football running back Ryan is in both 3rd and 4th place on this year's statistics for rushing yards by a running back. The football player has sued to have his statistics combined and make him the number one rusher in the nation. "No on...Read full story
Jaggedone is blasted away by a German Hurricane called RAMMSTEIN!
Here is a tale to tell all Spoof metal/rock freaks, hope you enjoy it, it was taken from my blogsite and edited especially for metalhead Spoof readers and writers Jaggedone has been literally "BLOWN-A-FUCKING-WAY-BY-A TEUTONIAN-HURRICANE!!" There's not many things that excite this ol fart but last Monday in downtown Cologne, Germany, me and me ol slave WAN-KIN-DIK were given a mega-nuclear-B...Read full story
BCS Announces Teams For National Championship Game
Before this weekend's SEC and Big 12 championship games even kicked off, the BCS has already announced the teams for the national championship game. Spokesmen for the groud admitted that the organization really stands for "Big Corporate Sponsorship"...Read full story
No Viagra, No Piece!
The Union of Transit Workers in Philadelphia are at it again as they are not getting the promised daily doses of Viagra that was agreed upon, to settle last year's walkout before the World Series. "We're hard workers and we demand a hard penis to...Read full story
Global Frenzy As Nevada Anthropologist Discovers Goat Girl
Following the press release confirming that prominent Nevada anthropologist, Doctor Diane J Poor Phd, had discovered a 'Goat Girl' this Spoof Reporting team decamped immediately for the Nevada desert, with little or no idea where exactly we were head...Read full story
Meredith Baxter Announces Love for Carpet
Following recent interviews on daytime television and with local U.S. newspapers, Meredith Baxter, the former mom on television show "Family Ties", has announced a "late in life" change to lesbianism. No shock to some of her close friends and publ...Read full story
Union of Unemployed Workers makes demands
The Union of Unemployed Workers (UUW) have made demands to the UK Government that their non-working conditions be improved, or else they shall go on strike. The specific improvements they have asked for are: - Free tea and coffee at the JobCent...Read full story
Ant and Dec to Sex up 'I'm a Celebrity'
This year's 'I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here' is so crap that presenters Ant and Dec have taken drastic steps to try and boost their flagging ratings. For a starter, both presenters will present the show naked. Ant (the slightly taller, bla...Read full story
Tiger Woods Farts End Closed Community Lockdown!
The smell of gas was in the air so thick yesterday that the Isleworth Police had to abandon their previous days lockdown on going door to door seeking evidence on who was attacking people in the community with a golf club. An odor was issued that ev...Read full story
Diners Horrified To Learn That Baby Back Ribs Come From Babies
Persons eating lunch at several BBQ restaurants were horrified to learn that their baby back ribs came from real babies. The popular cuisine draws millions of people into dining establishments around the world, but no one knew that they were actuall...Read full story
Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner
Inspired by Skoob's recent top 10 list. A tribute to mature males in long standing relationships across the globe. We've all been there. Semper Fi, brothers. Top 10 Things a Wife Can Do to Wreck a Boner 10: Show up naked, but without a cold beer in hand. 9: Start calling my penis any demeaning pet name as a metaphor for size. "My little Minnow", "Purple Smurf", "Mini Me", or "Tin...Read full story
187,214 Now Admit To Affairs With Tiger Woods
A few days after a national tabloid paper outed Tiger Woods on an affair, a second "other woman" came forward. The next day saw a few dozen. Thus far this morning, it has been thousands of women seeking headlines for admitting affairs with the worl...Read full story
Scientific study proves that wearing tight "Genes" determines the "Longevity" of the male "Dick" !
Scientists have now proven that a man's "Longevity" is not determined by his ethnic origins but is purely down to the tightness of his "Genes"?! It was once thought that one's ethnic origins determine the size of your "weapon" i.e. Negroes have hu...Read full story
Navy Shame Over Kids' Coup
The Ministry of Defence fashed fresh embarrassment today as it was revealed that HMS Ark Royal, the Royal Navy's most iconic vessel, was seized temporarily by a group of schoolchildren while moored off Gibraltar. Captain of the Ark Royal, Corneliu...Read full story
Shopping Couple Leave Kids Alone In Shopping Cart For Two Hours
An Alabama couple have been accused of getting so carried away with grabbing Black Friday deals that authorities said they left their kids alone in a shopping cart. Bluford County Sheriff Gaines Pepper told ALAB Radio in Broadbeam, Alabama, that...Read full story
Obama Causes Three Inmate Riots Over Bumping Charlie Brown!
Three different prisons have reported major riots during the night after President Barack Obama bumped The Charlie Brown Christmas Special Tuesday night. Up to nine others reported burned mattresses, stopped up commodes with running water across t...Read full story
Joe Paterno Wets Himself At Announcement Bobby Bowden Is Retiring
For the past seven years, Joe Paterno (head coach at Penn State) and Bobby Bowden (head coach at Florida State) have gone back and forth as the all time winningest Division One College Football Coach. Paterno currently leads Bowden by a few games.Read full story
Griffin Closes Motorway
A small section of the M25 motorway was closed today due to a hazardous spill. The tarmac from juction 15 to junction 16 was covered in fecal matter when Nick Griffin unexpectedly started talking shit. He was travelling to a function in London...Read full story
Jedward to join House of Lords
Downing St announced this afternoon that brothers John and Edwards Grimes known as Jedward were to be offered peerages and will shortly join the House of Lords. Speaking at his monthly press conference beleaguered PM Gordhelpus Brown announced th...Read full story
The Tiger Woods Pro-Celebrity Drinking Contest
Now that the world's number one golfer has been injured and won't be able to play in major tournaments for a while, Tiger 'Beer' Woods today organised the first World Pro-Celebrity Drinking Contest, for resting golfers and other stars who can't get t...Read full story
Police budget cut by half a Billion Pounds
It has been announced quietly by the Home Office that the Police forces in England and Wales will have to reduce their cost by half a Billion Pounds within the next five years. Forces will have to come up with creative cuts in their spendings without...Read full story
Notre Dame Hires New Football Coach
Notre Dame, the home of the Golden Dome, the Fighting Irish, and Touchdown Jesus has hired a new football coach. The football program, famous for Knute Rockne, The Gipper, and The Four Horsemen, recently fired Charlie Weis after he led the team to a...Read full story
Tiger Woods Scandal Growing - It Is Now Up To 9 Different Women
ORLANDO, Florida - The Tiger Woods saga continues to grow. Media reports now state that nine different women have come forward claiming that they had an affair with Eldrick Tont Woods, alias "El Tiger" Woods. One of the women is a policewoman who...Read full story
Griffin To Undergo Face Surgery
Leader of lunacy, Nick Griffin, is to undergo facial correction surgery to level up the subsidance in his face. The BNP leader has been looking more and more like he's suffering from a stroke, as his face plummets on one side. LSC, the London S...Read full story
Psychics club together to buy Kate Middleton a guide dog
London - (Ectoplasmic): Worried London College of Sidekick Studies seers have had a whip-round for their best client and bought desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton a guide dog for Xmas. "They're acting on fears that love is blind," College spo...Read full story
Spoofer Spoof's A Spoofer's Spoof.
The day finally arrived when there was no news to report, so a fantastically talented newbie Spoofer resorted to spoofing a fellow Spoofer's spoof, to see if he could instantly rise in the ranks of the Spoof writers chart and hit the top spot by next...Read full story
Houses of Parliament in Toilet Roll Shortage Shocker!
In a blog written today, it has been disclosed that the Palace of Westminster came extremely close to running out of toilet paper. There were only two rolls left in the entire building left and it would mean that MPs would out to 'rough it out' and u...Read full story
More Minarets, Please - We're British!
(Defecated News)Following the banning of minaret building in Switzerland, and the same potentially happening in Italy, the UK Labour government has expressed its desire to promote Islam in the UK. Minister for Anti-British Promotion, Sandy Tiksvo...Read full story
Spontaneous Combustion Problem with Gnomes.
After several years and thousands of pounds spent on research into the spontaneous combustion of gnomes and other a garden ornaments, a West Midlands council has found that because they are made of concrete, they will not burst into flame. However...Read full story
Iran release British sailors
In a compassionate act of international trust and goodwill aimed at demonstrating to the world that Iran is not run by an unruly, medieval bunch of weird-beards lead by a peasant, warmongering ignoramus, the British sailors held captive off the coast...Read full story
A grubby affair: Tool Academy star Jaimee Grubbs dishes the dirt
Orlando, Fla - (Woody Would Peck Her): LA cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs has briefed reporters about her sordid 20 shag fling with Tiger Woods. The 25 year-old former Tool Academy contestant reckons Mrs Wood should send her errant husband to matr...Read full story
van Damme confirmed, at last, as worst asshole
Brussels, Belgium. Former martial arts champion and occasional actor, Jean Claude van Damme, has been selected by a panel of experts as the world's biggest asshole. The criterior used in choosing the winner was mainly how many girlfriends a celeb...Read full story
San Francisco Mayor to Phase Out Traffic Signals
SAN FRANCISCO, California - Mayor Gavin Newsom gave the green light today to a controversial new initiative aimed at driving down the city of San Francisco's gaping budget deficit. Beginning January 1, 2010, he announced, maintenance crews will be...Read full story
Rush Limbaugh Releases His Latest Book: "I Am Totally Perfect Except For My Silly Man Boobs"
MANHATTAN - Rush Limbaugh has just released his 73rd book. This one is titled, I Am Totally Perfect Except For My Silly Looking Man Boobs. Limbaugh said that his book is a follow up to last years highly popular, I Am Perfect, Accept It, And Don't...Read full story
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Caught In Underwear Scandal
PARIS - The first lady of France Carla Bruni-Sarkozy has been caught in an underwear scandal. Apparently Bruni-Sarkozy was caught in the possession of 800 pairs of her panties, which she was transporting to Wales to sell on the open market. Wal...Read full story
Jessica Simpson Loses 95 Pounds And Says She Did It To Get Tony Romo Back
MALIBU BEACH - Jessica Simpson who went on the world-famous Yoki Nishimura Japanese Diet has lost 95 pounds. Simpson said that the diet consists of eating nothing but sushi. She said that she had sushiburgers, sushi tacos, and sushi pizza. And...Read full story
Police confirm Interactive Video Game Killer at large
Burbank, Ca.-Authorities now believe that the suspected shooter in the interactive video game, "Tactical Weapons", who shot a man here, escaped from the game soon afterward and is now on the lam. Police found Amos Walker 's lifeless, bullet ridden...Read full story
Harry Reid: Health Bill to Please Everyone
WASHINGTON, DC - After extensive discussion on the Health Care Bill, Harry Reid has announced that "everything everyone wants" will be in the final legislation. By using "triggers" and vague nonexistent government positions and committees to dete...Read full story
New York City Mayor Proclaims Himself "Bagel of Life"
New York City Mayor and mult-billionaire Michael Blumberg announced today that he was appointing himself to a new office and assuming a new title: that of "Bagel for Life." When asked to explain what this new positiuon meant he expained "I was re...Read full story
Overheard Phone Conversations At Barnes & Noble
Bits of conversation overheard of people talking on cellphones while reading books for free at Barnes & Noble Cafe: "So my attorney, Mr. Randolf jumped up and shouted, "I object, your honor! His 'alleged' cannibalism! 'Alleged!' cannibalism!" "Boy Ralphie did I just have a wonderful crap while I was talking to you awhile ago. It set the hand blower off on the wall. They're still back the...Read full story
Man Criticised For Ironing Shirt
There was deep consternation amongst local Bangkok residents yesterday after it was discovered that an expatriate English teacher living in their midst had undertaken a domestic duty normally reserved for the fairer sex (women) - he had ironed a shir...Read full story
Obama Bottles It
President Obama tonight bottled it. He gave a very eloquent speech but he still bottled it. Essentially what he was telling the citizens of the free world was that the United States could no longer afford to wage war in Afghanistan. The cost...Read full story
Carly Fiorina Dismisses Claims That Her Vagina is "Evil"
Former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina defended her vagina this morning amidst growing speculation that it has aligned itself with the Devil's ends. Concerns were raised shortly after Fiorina joined John McCain's Presidential Campaign as a seni...Read full story
Tom Jones And Dame Shirley Bassey Blown Away By The Bonkettes In Vegas
It's chaos here in Las Vegas tonight. Absolute chaos! The Bonkettes have just finished their latest gig in Caesar's Palace car park, and we've got Welsh legends Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey with us. But this is just mayhem! Caesar's Palace car par...Read full story
Ireland: we deserve a place in the final!
Ireland have demanded that FIFA give them a place in the World Cup final next year, despite the place already being reserved for the two teams who do best in next year's competition. A green-clad spokesman for the Irish team said, "we deserve it y...Read full story