Aborted Chicago Olympic Plans Revealed

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

image for Aborted Chicago Olympic Plans Revealed
Columns at Soldier Field may have reminded people of ancient times

The city of Chicago, Illinois, which lost out to Rio De Janiero to host an Olympic Games, has revealed their business plan. The plan, which had been approved by the Chicago Olympic Organizing Committee, the Mayor's Office and City Council, and the Governor's Office, is a detailed account of how and where the different events were to be held and how they were to be organized.

Brian Easton, a spokesman for the state, said "We felt that taking the events to different sites within the state would help with hotel crowding and ease traffic congestion within our city. We also thought that sharing the events with four other metropolitan areas within the state would help their economies and tourism dollars."

For example, the plans reveal that not all events would have taken place within the city of Chicago. Miniature Olympic villages would have been set up in several other cities within the state to host some of the sports.

Peoria would have played host to 25% of the early round soccer events, along with 25% of the basketball (men's and women's), baseball, and softball.

A similar situation would occur in farming out a quarter each of the larger, team sports to Rockford, Springfield, and East St. Louis.

Additionally, Peoria would play host to the shooting competitions ("no specific reason for choosing this event, except that it doesn't draw too big). The archery would take place in East St. Louis ("which was a bad pun because we thought that the Gateway Arch was just across the state line"). Springfield, the home of Abraham Lincoln, would be home to the Olympic boxing ("we expected some real beat downs in Springfield...like always"). Rockford would sponsor the canoeing and white water events ("this was a peach of a place for water sports").

While a new stadium was scheduled to be built (that would later be used for the Chicago Bears), several track and field events would have been held at Soldier Field. "We thing that the Roman looking columns at the place would have given the appearance of something more classical."

For several reasons, however, the city lost out on their bid.

When asked if they would pursue other Olympic games in the future or keep the same plans for later bids, Easton said that plans had not been made at this time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more