London - (Ectoplasmic): Worried London College of Sidekick Studies seers have had a whip-round for their best client and bought desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton a guide dog for Xmas.
"They're acting on fears that love is blind," College spokesperson Ida Hunch said today.
"And not forgetting there's none so daft as those who can't see the end of their retrousse little nosejobs!"
Middleton, 29, is to get a pup from the same dynastic pedigree lines that bred the MoD's famous Iraqi WMD-hunting bloodhounds.
"It's from one of the Sandringham estate bitches," Buckingham Palace's Lord Luce-Cannon commented, "a mongrel/crossbreed retriever called Camilla, hahaha."
Kate's pup will be trained in all the arcane arts needed to snare a member of the puppet monarchy.
Palace courtiers have long felt that Prince William got cold feet about the idea of hetting hitched round about the same time he was first seduced by a burly regimental color sergeant at Sandhurst.
Prince Harry's regiment is the Gay Gordons.