Victoria Beckham Fails ... Again!
(Defecated News) In what can only be described as another link in a chain of unfortunate events, Posh Spice AKA Victoria Beckham has failed to hit the big time. First she was sidelined for any lead vocals with The Spice Girls when the worlds reali...Read full story
Tiger Woods Agrees To "Pork, The Other White Meat" Commercial Package
At a conference in Panama City today, three white waitresses at a noted nightclub have came forward to say that they have never had sex with Tiger Woods and would like to be crossed off the list. That's the third Florida city where white women hav...Read full story
Lowton Affair goes Public
Blackpool - Impresario owner of TheSpoof.com Mark Lowton has come forward and admitted having an affair with a local Blackpool woman, explaining periodic absences from TheSpoof.com that left his Internet empire floundering and rudderless. Lowton a...Read full story
Consumer Group Claims Sue Sue Pets Contain High Levels of Animosity
Washington, D.C.-A leading consumers group says that the latest children's gift fad,"Sue Sue Pets", contain high levels of animosity and are therefore unsafe. "The small, fur covered, animatronics based toy, which appear to be soft and cuddly, ar...Read full story
Rumpy Pumpy For All!
New President of Europe, Herman Van Rompuy, better known as Mr. Rumpy Pumpy, has long been known for his like of haiku, federalist super states and, of course, a bit of the old in-out. The bespectacled Belgian has often boasted of his prowess between...Read full story
Simon Cowell Has Elective Double Mastectomy AND MORE
(Defecated News) Weeks of tabloid headlines have speculated as to whether Simon Cowell had waxed his chest, or perhaps shaved his knuckles, and even suggestions that he had bleached his shithole. All were shown to be true. But as a total surprise, Po...Read full story
Britney Spears To Have Own Section In Frederick Of Hollywood
Coming off her recent major tour of nearly a year, "Circus Tour" star Britney Spears has signed a contract to do a special section in the Frederick Of Hollywood catalog. Entitled, "Twat's Not To Wear", Britney will sell many catalogs for the bedro...Read full story
'Golf Cup Filth for Ireland' haunts Tiger marriage?
Orlando, Fla - (Agents Provocatrices): Are sourpuss terrists bankrupted by The Scrubliner's 2006 libel of Elin Nordegren wreaking havoc with Tiger Woods' marriage? Private detectives hired by Woods' in-laws reckon 'maybe'. Their stunning blonde...Read full story
Polish Condoms a Hit in Africa
The Polish Ministry of International Trade announced today that it will aggressively promote the export of Polish condoms to aids-afflicted areas of sub-Saharan Africa. This decision follows an endorsement of the Polish made rubbers by African He...Read full story
Government To Tax Vinegar Strokes
In a shock move to beat the recession, the government has announced that it will be introducing taxation on vinegar strokes. The move is part of a strategic plan designed to reduce the tax burden on bankers in the affluent South-East. "Most vin...Read full story
Lesbians looking for Antoinette Nicole Davis doll
Millions of Lesbians across the country are looking for the famous Antoinette Nicole Davis doll because it is a rare doll to own. The Antoinette Nicole Davis doll is part of the King Louie doll collection started by Barry Johnson a famed doll des...Read full story
X-Factor's Danyl Johnson and Olly Murs Argue Over Stacey Solomon
LONDON - The X-Factor is down to four contestants but the way tempers have been flaring up someone may end up getting disqualified for "unsportsmanlike conduct." Danyl Johnson and Olly Murs nearly came to blows after Johnson said that if he wanted...Read full story
Raised middle finger is now a holiday greeting
Sociologists at the University of Okoboji have determined that the meaning of a hand gesture common in North America has undergone a recent, dramatic shift. Their conclusion: raising a middle finger is now a holiday greeting. Semioticians, who stu...Read full story
X-Factor Winner Leaked
I have received inside information, that the winner of the X-Factor-2009, will be young Geordie crooner Joe McElderry. Several observers have remarked concerning Simon Cowell's amazing about-face regarding his own acts, Olly Murs and Danyl Johnson...Read full story
The Winner of "Zimbabwe Idol" Disqualified For Allegedly Molesting Himself
CHITUNGWIZA, Zimbawbe - The winner of this years Zombabwe Idol Masatrigo Lumbubaba has just been disqualified. The second place finisher (pardon the pun) Lucy Nagutoomba will now be named the new "Zimbabwe Idol." ZI's producer Tinfeema Chichona...Read full story
Robert Pattinson In Black Eye Mystery
Your local news reporting team decided that further investigation was warranted when I spotted pics of Twilight star Robert Pattinson sporting what appeared to be a black eye, and horror of all horrors for teens everywhere, sporting a beard! I imm...Read full story
Everton Salvage Point With Last Gasp Penalty Save
From trailing by two goals at Goodison Park, Everton staged a rousing comeback to level the scores, only to have a penalty kick awarded against them deep into stoppage time. Everton keeper Tim Howard, did a 'Barthez at Fulham' impression, delaying...Read full story
Boring Holes Through The Climate Data
If a paleoclimatologist cuts down a tree in a forest does the sound of its falling "ring out?" That's the question many dendrochronologists are asking themselves these days. Indeed, several of these scientists will be meeting at Copenhagen this w...Read full story
The Annual Race Between The Tortoise And The Hare- UPS Versus The Post Office
The time of year has come for the great Christmas race between the tortoise and the hare. Those who know the Aesop fable know it as a moralizing tale. In this case, it involves a total lack of morals whatsoever. This race is also symbolic- the...Read full story
U.S. and England in Same World Cup Draw; Americans Don't Give A Rat's Ass
The United States and England are in the same draw in the World Cup. They will play their first game against each other during the summer. Americans, however, seem not to be very excited about the event. "Soccer? Who cares?" These were the sen...Read full story
Lucy From Charlie Brown Christmas Pulls Nobel Prize From Obama
Lucy Van Pelt held President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize only a few feet from Mr. Obama but just as he reached for it, she snatched it back, causing the President to fall flat on his ass. "You blockhead! You bumped our show when you're on the TV eve...Read full story
Susan Boyle Loses It After Sitting On Non-Takeoff Plane For Eight Hours
Singing sensation Susan Boyle completely lost it on a plane early today and she wasn't alone. The plane had been sitting without taking off for nearly eight hours and no one was allowed to leave. At the six hour mark, Susan's next seat over gentle...Read full story
Rat Meat Processors Association defend "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!"
Hamelin (Hameln), Germany: The Rat Meat Processors Association spokesman, Herr Pied Piper has defended the actions of Gino D'Acampo, the winner of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!, and fellow contestant Stuart Manning, who are both facing anim...Read full story
Interpol Links Realty Show Killer to Missing Amanda Knox/ More Sex Games?
Local law enforcement officials acknowledged today an international manhunt was underway involving alleged wife killer Ryan Jenkins now linked to the disappearance of accused Sex Game thrill seeker Amanda Knox recently pardoned by Italy Prime Minis...Read full story
Amanda Knox & Lorena Bobbitt Endose New UK Pointless Knife!
An accused murderess and a scorned wife who gelded her former husband, have both come out to endorse a pointless knife designed to cut down stabbing crimes in the UK. The knife inventor who designed the kitchen utensil said he was inspired to manu...Read full story
Italian President Pardons Amanda Knox: Appoints Her as His "Personal Administer of Joint Affairs"
Rome, Italy / Yet Another F-ing Affair - This EU country was turned on it's collective head today, when President Silvio Berlusconi, terminated the trial of accused murderess Amanda Knox, granted her a full pardon after a secret meeting, and appoin...Read full story
Tiger Quits PGA: Claims He's Moving to NBA Where Morals Clause More Relaxed and Booty is Better!
A spokesman for Tiger Woods announced today that the golfing icon with the firm putter and flawless stroke, was moving on to the NBA after a poll in Golf Magazine said he wouldn't be welcomed back on the links of any private club employing young, nub...Read full story
Kerry Katona devastated by Colleen Nolan and Jason Donovan Party Antics
Friends of Kerry Katona say she has been left devastated after being forced to watch footage of Colleen Nolan and Jason Donovan at the Annual Iceland Christmas Party. She had hoped that her friends would boycott the Christmas party this year as...Read full story
Chinese tiger claw remedy to separate feuding Jamiee Grubbs and Jamie Jungers
Orlando, Fla - (Stonkers): Oriental herbalists are urging use of the famous shredded Chinese tiger claw remedy to prise apart two women with similar names - and stories! - in the Tiger Woods shagging saga. Jaimee Grubbs and Jaime Jungers have been...Read full story
Spoof editor's sister Mindy Lawton named in new Tiger hunt!
Orlando, Florida - (Suckers!): Cybersatire has been plunged into chaos following revelations (Chapter 666) that Mindy Lowton (sic), sibling of Spoof editor Mark Lowton, also had a two year fling with golf champ Tiger Woods. "Of course we are not s...Read full story
Queen Elisabeth warns Paparazzi, "stay away from my very ugly, ugly, family!"
QE2 has warned the Paparazzi to stay away from her very ugly family and not to expect any form of compensation when their cameras break whilst photographing the "Uglies"! Canon cameras, world's leading camera producers, also issued the following...Read full story
Charitable Gordon Ramsey and the Beckhams will eat together on Christmas day, their leftovers will be thrown at the "scum" waiting outside!
Gordon Ramsey, Beck's, Posh and their Families will spend Christams Day together enjoying a glorious 5* (pretty unknown rating around here!) banquet meal, how wonderful! Christmas time is a time of Goodwill and Gordon "Fucking' Ramsey decided to i...Read full story
Another Woman! And Another Woman! - Goodness When Did Tiger Woods Ever Find The Time To Play Golf?
LAS VEGAS - Holy Sand Trap Batman! The good-looking gals are literally coming out of the "Woodwork!" I have a suggestion for Mr. Eldrick Tont Woods. Once all of this blows over, pardon the pun. And you pay out millions of dollars to women, attorneys, public relations firms, damage control experts, marriage counselors, sex therapists, and crystal ball readers, I highly advise that you go into po...Read full story
Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming.
"DEAR EDITOR: I am 48 years old. "Some of my conservative friends say there is no Global Warming. "The UN says, 'If you see it in a peer reviewed journal it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there Global Warming? "VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET." VIRGINIA, your conservative friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do n...Read full story
George Clooney and Cameron Diaz To Star In "Oops - The White House Party Crashers Story"
HOLLYWOOD - George Clooney and Cameron Diaz have just been signed to star in MGM's motion picture Oops - The White House Party Crashers Story. Clooney said that he is looking forward to portraying the dashing, debonair, and big-balled Tareq Salahi...Read full story
Crazy Frog Toppled
The Crazy Frog has been toppled as the world's most annoying advert based ring tone. The frog has held the position for three whole years despite being created in 2002 by The Chuckle Brothers, who have maintained their otherwise dead career off the b...Read full story
Strictly Come Dancing Gives London-Born Laila Rouass Her Walking Papers
LONDON - Laila Rouass star of the English TV drama Footballers' Wives is the latest casualty on Strictly Come Dancing. The 38-year-old was given the heave ho after her and her partner Anton Du Beke performed in a dance off with Ricky "The Comeback...Read full story
Severe Punishment Doled Out For Tiger Woods
Reports are coming in that Tiger Woods will now be escorted to and form all tournaments by Meridith Baxter and Chaz Bono. Tiger's sponsors and advisers have agreed that social contact with women other than his wife should be limited to brunettes over...Read full story
African American Men Happy With Tiger Reinforcing Stereotypes
The Organization of Black American Men in America (OBAMA) expressed satisfaction with news reports of Tiger Wood's infidelity. According the OBAMA president Yo Diddy, "Tiger was negating all stereotypes about Black men like 'all black men cheat' by...Read full story
Food And Drug Administration Approves Toe Jam For School Lunch Menus
The F.D.A. (Food and Drug Administration) has approved the addition of toe jam to school lunch menus and it will replace strawberry and grape jelly as the preferred ingredient in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The government agency made the ann...Read full story
Cheryl Cole Fingers Danii Minogue In The Back-Passage
(Defecated News) Hit TV talent show 'The X-Factor' has given us the image that the judges are respectful of each other beyond all the petty bickering over who's act is shitter than the other's, or whether it's OK to say that one of Simon's acts like...Read full story
Female Basketball Players Question New Guidlines That All Participants In Team Sports Must Wear Athletic Supporters
Women's team sports players in basketball, volleyball, soccer, softball, and field hockey are upset about new NCAA guidelines that say that all participants in all team sports must wear athletic supporters (a.k.a. jockstraps). The guideline, known a...Read full story
Another Bloody Wabbit! - Spoof Writer Distraught.
As if one bloody wabbit, cute as it may be, wasn't enough, Spoof writer Skoob1999 today had to take another of the little buggers on board. The wabbits will be leaving the Skoob household on Christmas Eve, and should really be kept in a hutch, outsid...Read full story
Al Sharpton Protests Tiger's Choices of All White Babes With Blond Hair
The Reverend Al Sharpton has called for a black sex summit with Tiger Woods to confront Tiger's consistent pick of young white gals with straight blond hair for mistresses. Sharpton stated for reporters that "Tiger Woods has an obligation to hot bla...Read full story
Tiger Woods And Lord Mangelson To Marry
In a shock revelation, Lord Peter Mangelson UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that he is to enter into a Civil Partnership with the well-known American golfer, Tiger Woods. At a press conference one hour...Read full story