Oracle to buy Sun, Will Then Sell Bits to HP
Following the revelation that IBM was considering buying the Sun, the negotiations have broken down and IBM has withdrawn from the purchase. However, enterprise software giant Oracle has jumped in on the act and has said it will now buy the Sun inst...
Read full storyDisgraced Chris Moyles' beard is really his pubic hair shock!
Chris Moyles, sixty stones of pork fat in a 35 stone body has revealed the unsightly neck hair on his unsightly goitre laden neck, is actually his pubic hair. The man known as Miss Piggy's vagina broke down on his radio program when someone commen...
Read full storyObama 'defecates' to show unity to new pet
White house officials have confirmed that President Barack Obama has taken the unusual step of defecating on the front lawn of the white house in a bid to show the world his ability to relate to animals as well as people from all walks of life. Ob...
Read full storySpoof Writer Starts New Career As Cat Whisperer
A TheSpoof.com writer announced seconds ago that he is to relinquish all previous employment activities in order to pursue a new career as a professional cat whisperer. The writer in question, who wishes to remain anonymous, is to start his new ca...
Read full storyShaheen Jafargholi Gives Susan Boyle Her Second Kiss
LONDON - Two of the top contestants on this year's "Britain's Got Talent" are 47-year-old Susan Boyle and 12-year-old Shaheen Jafargholi. After Miss Boyle revealed to the judges that she had never been kissed Angelina Jolie quickly arranged for Br...
Read full storyKenny Dalglish Being Lined-Up As Next Liverpool Manager
There were rumblings all across Merseyside tonight, as Liverpool legend Kenny Dalglish was rumoured to be returning to the club to take up a position in the Reds' youth set-up, but some people at the club believe there is more to it than that. Dal...
Read full storyDa Vinci Code sequel "The Lost Symbol" will be last book
The billionaire author has announced today that following the release of the sequel to the Da Vinci code - "The Lost Symbol", he will never write another book. Instead the writer will be taking on the infinitely more difficult task of spending his...
Read full storySusan Boyle, Rolling Stones To Do Altamont Speedway Concert II On Anniversary Of The Event
With this being the fortieth anniversary of the infamous Altamont Speedway Free Concert, Sausan Boyle has been signed up to join with the Rolling Stones to redo the free concert. "I'm looking forward to being up there with Mick and the boys", stat...
Read full storyStephen Hawking to fake his own death 'just like Princess Diana'
London - (Preposterous Ass Mess): Shrinks at London's Royal Freak Hospital are poised to section Prof Stephen Hawking after his ex-wife complained that he was about to fake his own death 'just like Princess Di'. Elaine Hawking has told social work...
Read full storyCO2 successfully eradicated
AP Wires - Lagos, Nigeria: For the first time in recorded history the Nigerian Government has announced that a project with no internal corruption has been a success. According to Dr. Uday Muballa, whose father was unfortunately killed in a rebel...
Read full storyNew Dan Brown Novel "The Lost Symbol" plot secrets revealed
The sequel to the international super-book "The Da Vinci Code" will be released in September. "The Lost Symbol" as it has been provisionally titled, will see the return of the Robert Langdon character and follow him on a 12 hour journey. However...
Read full storyNew Allotment Tax to Commence July 13th
Gordon brown announced today that the proposed Nationwide Allotment Tax will come into force July 13th 2009 in time for the peak growing season. Allotment holders will be charged £75 per plot, per year, based on an average plot of 300 sq. mtr. Mu...
Read full storySammy Lee defends "Arrogant" Rafa Benitez, Liverpool FC Manager
Sammy Lee, the assistant manager of Liverpool FC has defended Rafa "Arrogant Chief Akimwolo" Benitez against Alex Fegusons recent outbursts. "The King is not an arrogant man" Sammy explained, "He takes lunch with us fortnightly and has heard many...
Read full storyShop to Offer Tattoos & Genital Piercings in Bid to Win Supermarket Wars!
In an effort to get to the top of the supermarket charts, Wartnose - the upmarket - super-market - have come up with a unique add-on-service. Philip McBasket, marketing director of Wartnose said, " We have been looking for an edge, a way of usurp...
Read full storyUN Walkout After President Ahmadinejad Farts
There was near-pandemonium at the UN anti-racism conference in Geneva this afternoon, when dozens of diplomats headed for the exits after Iranian leader President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad interrupted his speech, to let rip with an enormous fart. The tr...
Read full storyPrejudiced Chris Moyles gets his wrists and trotters slapped!
Fat, grotesque, crotch-stain Chris Moyles has had his wrists and trotters ineffectually slapped by his bosses. Although an angry mob called for his public spit-roasting with an apple in his mouth. Bosses ignored the masses of hungry licence fee pay...
Read full storyShaheen Jafargholi is Susan Boyle son: says 80 old divorced Taliban husband
Susan Boyle, who shot to world wide fame following her performance on Britain's Got Talent program after singing "I Dreamed A Dream", revealed that she has a secret son. No one has known about him. Recently a spoof reporter named Howy revealed the ne...
Read full storySusan Boyle marries Prince Charles
Susan Boyle is relocating to Clarence House and Camilla Bowles is sent packing. In a bizarre escalation of events "Britain's Got Bullocks" star Susan Boyle has become the press darling, and in a tribute to the common folk, Buckingham Palace had invit...
Read full storySimon Cowell nixes Christ on BGT
A contestant claiming to be Christ reincarnate, of the line of David, returned to redeem the chosen, appeared on Britain's Got Talent in Cardiff, Wales on Monday, but was rejected early into his act. The Son of God, dressed in magic act garb, perf...
Read full storyGordon Brown to Tony Blair 2002 memo leaked, details confirm rift between the two
Downing Street officials are in damage control mode today as a 2002 memo from current PM Gordon Brown, then Chancellor, to the PM at the time Tony Blair was leaked to a British Newspaper today. The memo clearly demonstrates the level of resentment...
Read full storyBBC's Robinson In Medical Miracle Marvel
Medical experts from across the globe are converging on London this week to study a medical miracle which has affected BBC Political Correspondent Nick 'Toenails' Robinson. Doctors are meeting to study Mr Robinson and to identify the causes behind...
Read full storyWembley Pitch faces more scrutiny, FA to make changes
The Wembley pitch which has taken so much criticism over the last weekend will be changed the FA has confirmed today. The pitch, which was designed as part football turf and part adventure playground, has raised a number of eyebrows since it was o...
Read full storyRep. John Boehner Denies Global Climate Change
Former U.S. House Majority Leader John Boehner has denied the existence of Climate Change during an interview with George Stephanopoulos, stating that President Bush's energy policy "the right approach on energy." He then suggested invading France to...
Read full storyMadonna to enjoy Susan Boyle
ENGLAND- Madonna's 47th birthday celebration was marred when she suffered several broken bones after falling off her new mare named Susan Boyle. After the accident she has decided to enjoy her mare Susan Boyle the way she enjoyed her old mare wh...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens And Lindsay Lohan To Star In Cagney And Lacey Remake
Leaked news from Hollywood Ca suggests that teen queens Hudgens and Lohan are to star in a remake of classic 70's TV cop show Cagney and Lacey. The original, which starred Sharon Gless and Tyne Daly as streetwise New York cops scooped awards by th...
Read full storyOCD and ADHD now being overtaken by OBCT
Alarming figures from the UK's Department of Health reveal a significant change in the number of recorded problems among children and young adults. Of the monitored problems, the newly-defined syndrome of Overweight Babies, Children and Teenagers, o...
Read full storyPrime Minister argues the Government does have balls
In a frank admission on national television, the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, argued that the Labour Party does have balls. In a heated argument with a man from the BBC with a beard and glasses wearing a suit, (the man and not the suit had the be...
Read full storyChris Moyles is not a man... but a giant 'fat' minge!
Chris Moyles has been indirectly outed as a fat, sweaty, hairy minge by his bosses at that Radio Place. Moyles who has recently been castigated by his bosses for being 'rubbish' and the Miss Piggy's vagina of the Beeb, stated "Yes okay, I have...
Read full storyIncorrect naming of Calorie means our food intake is over 950 times worse than thought
Nutritionists were demanding answers today following the admission by scientists that the Calorie was incorrectly named and that each Calorie we ingest is actually worth 1000 Calories! If this is proved to be true, then a pint of lager may in fact...
Read full storyThe Susan Boyle story - a tale of hypocrisy!
The Susan Boyle story is a tale that has touched our hypocritical hearts. Therefore we need baddies, the first is the girl on BGT, who appears to be laughing at Susan Boyle, Although she is most likely laughing at something else. However juxtaposed a...
Read full storyShaheen Jafargholi emerges as a 'surprise' contender for Britain's Got Talent
A 'surprise' contender for the Britain's Got Talent favourite has emerged following the huge publicity that was created by Susan Boyle last week. Shaheen Jafargholi, a young Welsh lad, was chosen as this week's surprise as a way of keeping the pre...
Read full storyManchester United Boss Sir Alex Ferguson Calls For Penalties To Be Re-taken
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has today unleashed a scathing attack against the FA groundsman responsible for preparing the Wembley Stadium pitch for yesterday's FA Cup semi-final defeat at the hands of Everton, and has called for the p...
Read full storySusan Boyle Step Aside
Susan Boyle has beat a hasty retreat to her hometown, fearful that her dream of winning the competition 'Britain's Got Talent' may not come true, as a young, vibrant singer with perky breasts and questionable morals made her debut last night. Can...
Read full storyMax Clifford Book Causes Near-Riot As It Goes On Sale In Poundland
There was anger and confusion in the West Midlands town of Dudley today, when shoppers in one of the town's premier boutiques noticed media publicist Max Clifford's book for sale on one of its shelves. Poundland - where you've no need to ask; ever...
Read full storyNationwide hunt for people who have kissed or done sex with Susan Boyle
Tabloid people in National Newspapers are on the hunt for anyone who has had carnal relations with the People's Princess- SUSAN BOYLE. Sexy Sue who has held the title of people's princess for seven days, has not divulged if she has 'filled her boo...
Read full story1970s To Be Brought Back!
There was good news for fans of the 1970s today, when world leaders announced that, due to real concerns over environmental issues, the decade that spawned environmentalism, the acceleration of Civil Rights and Feminism, the emergence of Gays from th...
Read full storyCharities Call for Better Mental Health Provision
Mental health charities have called for a radical shake-up of community support provision, after a report released over the weekend showed that mental health issues in the UK are considerably more widespread than originally believed. The calls com...
Read full storyPaxman Donates Brain to Parkinson's Charity
Celebrities including Jeremy Paxman and Jane Asher have pledged to donate their brains to help find a cure for Parkinson's Disease. About 1,000 people have already joined a donor register run by the Parkinson's Disease Society but the charity hopes t...
Read full storyCIA requested Jiminy Cricket to torture Gitmo detainee with "bug phobia"
Amnesty International has accused the Bush administration of performing more tortuous acts against the detainees of Gitmo than have been previously thought possible. Based upon documents discovered in the basement of the Rush Limbaugh Think-Tank of...
Read full storyAngelina announces retirement from motherhood
In a shock confession in Heat Magazine, Angelina Jolie has announced that she's sick and tired of being a mother and intends to retire at the end of the year. "It's just all getting a little too much for me" she confessed. "Six children, 50% of...
Read full storyParliament Rocked By New Cross Party Row
Gordon Brown and David Cameron were locked in a new political row when it was claimed that the Tory chief's wife could run faster than the Labour leaders spouse. Samantha Cameron, who won the mums race at a recent school sports day, is four years...
Read full storyNIST relieved after 'missing link' found
The US National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) has expressed relief after a team of independent researchers found conclusive evidence of explosives (nano-thermite) in dust samples from the World Trade Centre collapses, as reported on TV...
Read full story5 things do in this stock market
Number 5. Get as many credit card from different bank as possible and spend all the money on buying car, house, clothes, and if your credit loan can extend buy a jet to fly. At number 4, I would advice people to sell all the stocks in their 401k. Since most of the stock have already lost their market-value, there is no point in keep the junk share in your portfolio. Number 3 goes to bank for...
Read full storyHints for Solo Travel in Central America
The following are some helpful guidelines for solo travelers visiting Central America for the first time. Feel free to print this list and refer to it throughout your visit to this beautiful, yet culturally diverse region. Bring anti-nausea medication with you at all times. Accept the fact you will get violently ill anyway. Don't assume that your new Nicaraguan boyfriend is serious when he...
Read full storyFrost-bite day
Today, to most Floridians, would be a perfect beach, pool day. Sunny, warm & relaxing. But what most people don't know is that today is Frost-Bite Day. Frost-Bite Day is to be believed that when Jack Frost died on this day, April 19, that he put a spell on the water and the king of the sea, King Neptune that anyone that hoes or will be dwelt with water will have the curse of Freezing to d...
Read full storyQueen announces "No more interfering"
Buckingham Palace - in a shock announcement this morning, Queen Elizabeth II has announced she will no longer interfere with UK or global politics. The Queen is renowned for sticking her beak into things that don't concern her, such as the econo...
Read full storyNew Wembley Stadium Pitch To Be Torn Up After Sir Alex Ferguson Orders It
The FA has released a statement on its website this morning to announce that the much-maligned pitch at the new Wembley Stadium will be torn up, after it was alleged by Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, that the pitch was "dead". Fergu...
Read full storyElaine Paige and Susan Boyle To Sing On "Dancing With The Stars"
HOLLYWOOD - Elaine Paige, who is regarded as "The Queen of English Musical Theater" has agreed to appear on ABC's "Dancing With The Stars" and sing a duet with the Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle. DWTS host Tom Bergeron confirmed that both...
Read full storyTen Little Known Facts About Susan Boyle
LONDON - Susan Boyle, a 47-year-old Scottish woman who now resides in West Lothian, England has shown the world that a female singer does not need to look like Carrie Underwood, Beyonce, or Britney Spears in order to be successful. In just this past week Susan has gone from never having been kissed to receiving her first kiss from none other than Brad Pitt. Susan will be going on tour with t...
Read full storyThe NBA Finals To Go To A Best 16 Out Of 28 Format
MANHATTAN, New York - The NBA which has seen a huge decline in fan attendance as well as an extreme decline in season ticket holders has announced that in order to generate more revenue it will be going from a best 4 out of 7 Finals format to a best...
Read full storyIraqis Use New Freedom to Fight with Cocks
Damn near 4,000 Americans and probably a million Iraqis have died in George W Bush's Pyhrric victory in Iraq. No doubt there is a greater security and thus freedom in Baghdad and some other regions of the nation. Some children are back in school. Liq...
Read full storyObama Shocks Torture Community with Embrace of Cuba
As the Obama administration has launched attack after assault on the interrogation tactics of the Bush administration, most observers had concluded that torture was not Barack's cup of tea. All that seems to have changed this week as the president ha...
Read full storySomali Pirate Fantasy Camp in Top Ten Reality Vacations
Placing right between Lost in the Mediterranean and McCain's Hanoi Hilton, coming in at number four, the Somali Pirate Fantasy Camp is one of the up and coming reality vacation experiences. Travel companies have been developing new and unique pro...
Read full storyDroolmule Counts Politicos' Verbiage
Website droolmule carries word counts for prominent politicians. Readers have found a surprising verbal snapshot from the five most common words uttered by demagogues over the past few months. President Obama's five magic words, according to dr...
Read full storySusan Boyle and Elaine Paige Shack Up
When Susan Boyle told the world that her dream was to be the next Elaine Paige and Ms Paige heard the extraordinary performance of the Scots Soprano, it was love at first listen. Before you could wipe the smirk off Simon Cowell's arrogant puss Boyle...
Read full story'Have A Go Hero' Comes Out On Top Again
Bradford, West Yorkshire, Teatime - 'Have a go' hero pensioner, Harold Callaghan 79, of Ilkley came out on top yet again today when confronted by a gang of crackheads with pit-bull terriers demanding money with menaces. Callaghan, shot seven youth...
Read full storyRe-Animator Concedes Defeat
Famous re-animation expert and bon vivant Doctor Victor Frankenstein today conceded defeat in his bid to cobble together a body from several body parts and bring it back to life using lightning and chemicals. "It didn't really work out," Frankenst...
Read full storyBrenda Lee Sues Obama In Royalty Dispute
Washington,D.C.-When President Obama gets back from his world tour he'll have one more domestic problem to deal with. Singer Brenda Lee is suing the president over his repeated use of her trademark song "I'm Sorry" without paying royalties or even c...
Read full storyEverest Summit Kebab/Souvenir Shop To Close
London, England - Kebab shop proprietor and all round entrepeneur, Ali Bullo today announced the closure of his Everest summit Kebab cum souvenir cum newsagents shop on the summit of Mount Everest, the highest point on the planet, the roof of the wor...
Read full storyAmerican Headmaster At London School Kills Student
Roger Evans, headmaster at the Westchester Boys Academy in London, has been arrested on charges of killing young student Bobby Simpson. Evans is accused of having the child shot to death by a group of older boys in a military sciences class. The He...
Read full storyDumb Brit Wrinkly Finally Discovers Miley Cyrus
Breaking news from Broke Britannia - A wrinkly old fart of a cleaner at the UK's Wigan University, Donald Skoob 97, today told us that he'd finally found out who Miley Cyrus is. The doddery old git, who smelled quite strongly of urine and boiled c...
Read full story'Roots' Author Alex Haley Branded A Racist
UK - Gerald Clusterbuck, 48, a Lecturer in Self Aggrandisement at Scunthorpe University Of Trout Fishing, this evening slammed the classical dissertation on deliverance from slavery by US author Alex Haley, 'Roots' as 'Racist.' Speaking from a pod...
Read full storyHollywood to Remake Dr. Strangelove with Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton has been signed to star in a remake of the 1964 classic film Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. The new film will be directed by first time director and former Paris pal Nichole Richie (daughter of pop...
Read full storyG20 Vandals Receive the Death Penalty
London UK: A British court has found five vandals, who broke windows during a protest of the G 20 Meetings, guilty as charged. The "Foolish Five" as they are known have been sentenced to death by hanging. Following the G20 Meeting police arrested...
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