Manchester United Bottle Gone

Funny story: Manchester United Bottle Gone

There were disappointed fans at Old Trafford tonight after the Champions League quarter-final first-leg match between Manchester United and FC Porto ended in a 2-2 draw, giving the Portuguese side a distinct advantage going in to the second leg next...

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A cautionary tale

Funny story: A cautionary tale

Just over 18 months ago, I was paid a visit from a double-glazing salesman who persuaded me to buy some windows from his company. After listening to him for a good hour explaining the virtues of the windows and how good they were at retaining heat and keep out noise; I do remember that his last words were: "these windows are so good that they will pay for themselves within a year!" Needless to...

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Britney Spears May Take Circus Down Under

Funny story: Britney Spears May Take Circus Down Under

The Britney Spears' Circus Tour may be heading way down south, down under. Attorneys representing the pop star and father Jamie's conservatorship discussed in court today the possibility of taking Spears' supremely successful Circus tour to Austra...

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Politicians queue up for full face transplants.

Funny story: Politicians queue up for full face transplants.

A leading French surgeon has just successfully completed a major operation in which a human face has been transplanted. Although many other countries have successfully completed partial transplants, this is the first time a complete face has been re...

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Empire State Building Getting Taller

Funny story: Empire State Building Getting Taller

One of the world's most famous and tallest skyscrapers - the Empire State Building in New York - is getting taller, according to a report in the New York Times. The article, in Monday's edition, claims that the 102-storey structure now stands 103...

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NBA Changes Rules for Playoffs

Funny story: NBA Changes Rules for Playoffs

NBA Commissioner David Stern announced yesterday that rule and format changes will be forthcoming to the upcoming playoff schedule as well as all other regular season games for 2010. Proposed changes include trampolines at the foul shooting line, 12...

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Notorious Chicago Gang "The Manc Boys" Jailed.

Funny story: Notorious Chicago Gang "The Manc Boys" Jailed.

A notoriously violent gang have been jailed for life. The "Manc Boys" were accused of turning Chicago into something like downtown Manchester. One local resident, John Cole of Nova Mews, said "They would appear heavily armed. Then they would shoot th...

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Microsoft Changes Vista to Octaware for 2010

Funny story: Microsoft Changes Vista to Octaware for 2010

While in the early phases of announcing upcoming releases of Windows Server 2008, as well as "Office 14", internal code name for future versions of Windows desktop software, Microsoft carefully skipped over any mention of the "Vista" operating system...

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Bernanke Pleased with Zimbabwe Visit

Funny story: Bernanke Pleased with Zimbabwe Visit

Harare, Zimbabwe. Ben Bernanke is very pleased with his visit at the central bank in the Zimbabwean capital, Harare. Dr. Bernanke is visiting his Zimbabwean colleague, Reserve Bank Governor Dr. Gideon Gono, and the Zimbabwe President, Dr. Robert Muga...

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President Obama's Mother-In-Law to follow-up "Essence Magazine" article with Tell-All Book

Funny story: President Obama's Mother-In-Law to follow-up "Essence Magazine" article with Tell-All Book

Washington, D.C. - Inspired by her popular reception of her article in "Essence" magazine about her role in the White House, Marian Robinson, 71, Barack Obama's mother-in-law has decided to write a behind the scenes tell-all book addressing her life...

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MEATA Rivals PETA for Pointless Press Coverage

Funny story: MEATA Rivals PETA for Pointless Press Coverage

Sponsored by a consortium of middle aged men from four different Midwestern cities, the newly formed "MEATA" organization has been stealing press attention away from its diametrically opposed food-chain rival, PETA. Assembled from Detroit, Chicago,...

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Song From 'The Smell Of Nausea'

Funny story: Song From 'The Smell Of Nausea'

'The Lonely President' (Sung by guest singer Eva Brown and lots of children, including Barack Obama): [Eva:] High on a hill was a lonely President Yodellayee yodellayee yodellay hee hoo Sent away to Europe by white America Yodellayee yodellayee yodellay hee hoo Dumbed-down drivel folks in Turkey heard Yodellayee yodellayee yodellay hee hoo Grovelling and no mention of genocide was h...

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Shoegate: Things to do before you throw shoe at someone high and mighty

Funny story: Shoegate: Things to do before you throw shoe at someone high and mighty

Ever since the famous shoe was thrown at Mr. President, there has been growing interest in public to learn more about these incidents. Also at the same time they are eager to learn on things like what to do and what not to do. Just yesterday, a journalist threw his shoe at a minister in India and he missed by a yard distance considering he was sitting in the front row. We can debate about issue...

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I hate Alex Ferguson

I hate Alex Ferguson because he is a cunt. A cheating fucking shit who should fuck off for good. A red faced cheating fucking shit who looks like a prick. An old red faced shit who has grey hair. A fat old red faced cock with a vagina. A sonofabitch. A wrinkly piece of cunt who looks like an old monkey with tits. A Scottish cunt with an accent I just cannot understand. A balding cock who s...

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Kerry Katonic Beyond Help

Funny story: Kerry Katonic Beyond Help

Kerry Katonic is beyond help. This shock revelation has appeared today. It is feared that the star of the Iceland supermarket adverts is just a washed up ugly slapper. Recently she announced that she was getting divorced as she did not trust her h...

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"Apple Sales Plummet in Redditch" Says Apple Sales Spokesperson in Redditch

Funny story: "Apple Sales Plummet in Redditch" Says Apple Sales Spokesperson in Redditch

Apple sales in Redditch have fallen alarmingly, according to recent sales statistics. Speaking from his stylish office suite on the 124th floor of the Redditch Apple Monitering Unit on Redditch's gentile westside, next to the Dolce & Gabbana b...

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Bugging, My Ass!

Funny story: Bugging, My Ass!

While facing racketeering charges among other charges, a reputed New York mafia operative was granted a court order to force the United States Drug Enforcement Administration to state whether or not it had inserted a radio tracking device up his ass...

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Parkinson "Exploited By Media" Claim

Funny story: Parkinson "Exploited By Media" Claim

Legendary chat show host Michael Parkinson has been exploited by the media, it has been claimed. Following the long drawn out death of Jade Goody packs of reporters have been sent out to gain quotes from famous people. It is believed that Parky was p...

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MCC To Tour Salford

Funny story: MCC To Tour Salford

The MCC has announced it is to tour one of cricket's outposts-Salford. In a bid to educate the area several matches will take place. Sir George Dangly-Bits, MCC Secretary for Northern Places, said "Salford has for too long been off the cricket map. M...

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Parkinson attacks Goody

Broadcasting legend Sir Mickey Parkinson has attacked Jade Goody, days after her funeral. Speaking to the TV Times, he said the reality TV star represented: "all that's crap about Britain today". He added that she was "a whore" and "shameless" a...

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Public Sector Workers To Be Flogged Under New Tory Administration!

Funny story: Public Sector Workers To Be Flogged Under New Tory Administration!

In a joint statement issued by Tory Leader David Cameron and Shadow Chancellor George Osborne, public sector workers, such as; teachers, policemen, council workers and nurses ("especially nurses") will be punished by public high street floggings.

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Teen Girl Can't Stop Having Conversations With Self About Nothing

Funny story: Teen Girl Can't Stop Having Conversations With Self About Nothing

An area teen girl's parents recently contacted our news headquarters in a desperate plea for help. The problem? Their 13 year old teenage daughter can't stop talking to herself. What is she talking to herself about, you may ask? The answer is abs...

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Jacqui Smith's Home Secretary Home Security Initiative

Funny story: Jacqui Smith's Home Secretary Home Security Initiative

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has announced new measures to address the escalating problem of burglary. The number of domestic break-ins rose by 4 per cent to 69,000 between July and September last year as the country slipped into recession. Key to...

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No Mercy For Madonna Of The Big Boobies

Funny story: No Mercy For Madonna Of The Big Boobies

London - (Sad Ass Mess): Entertainer Madonna has boobed bigtime with the fiasco of her latest adoption attempts in Malawi. That's London columnists' general gibe as the daughter of Pope Joe Ratzinger and Myra Hindley drowns her sorrows with copiou...

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Women Speak Out Against "Fast and Furious" Movie

Funny story: Women Speak Out Against "Fast and Furious" Movie

Following the unanticipated success of yet another testosterone-driven, never-ending car chase movie, women are objecting to the side effects experienced after the movie's viewing. What apparently started as an amicable and routine movie genre trade...

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Chris Brown Getting Dissed In Group's New Song

Funny story: Chris Brown Getting Dissed In Group's New Song

A song criticizing Chris Brown, "My Flow So Tight" is getting a fair amount of air play these days. The song is called by a little-known dance group called Smoke Jumpers. It features the repeated line: "Chris Brown should get his ass kicked around...

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Lindsay Lohan's Dad Adopting New Kids

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan's Dad Adopting New Kids

Now relegated to the halls of obscurity, Michael Lohan, most recognized for being Lindsay Lohan's father, is looking for new foster children. Where his full name had been routinely mentioned in the press when Lindsay was a younger child star, Michae...

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Ejaculation Spray Hits The High Street

Funny story: Ejaculation Spray Hits The High Street

A new spray called O-delay has been developed that can stop men ejaculating too quickly. The spray, consisting of a small aerosol of concentrated mace, is sprayed into the man's eyes by his partner at the moment he seems to be approaching orgasm. T...

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Chris Brown Publishes New Book on Dating Tips

Funny story: Chris Brown Publishes New Book on Dating Tips

Planning a press release in conjunction with his "Not Guilty" plea in Los Angeles County Superior Court this week, singer Chris Brown announced his soon-to-be-published book titled "How to Date Women". Riding the wave of publicity surrounding the...

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Plans for 'Bobby Zamora Day' shelved due to economic crisis

Plans to hold a 'Bobby Zamora Day' were halted yesterday, after it was deemed inappropriate to be celebrating during a time of economic uncertainty. The event in honour of Fulham F.C striker Zamora, which was due to be held at the Tooting Communi...

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Danniella Westbrook to present Songs of Praise

Funny story: Danniella Westbrook to present Songs of Praise

Danniella Westbrook is set to return to our screens next month when she becomes the regular presenter of the BBC's flagship religious programme Songs of Praise, rather than accepting an offer to return to Eastenders. The former soap star has had a...

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New Scientific Study: 2 + 2 = 5

Funny story: New Scientific Study: 2 + 2 = 5

Scientists in Moscow, Russia, have recently uncovered a startling truth 103 years in the making. It is now a scientific fact: 2 plus 2 in fact equals 5. "I always knew that there was something wrong with that equation. I could just never put my...

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Van Persie out!

Funny story: Van Persie out!

Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie has been ruled out of Tuesday's Champions League quarter-final first leg against Villarreal due to a bizarre double booking. At the same time that he was due to start the game in Spain, he had also agreed to help...

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Horse and Jockey given severe sentence after admitting their part in "Toofgate"!

Funny story: Horse and Jockey given severe sentence after admitting their part in "Toofgate"!

Liam Treadwell today had his "Fetlocks" savagely beaten in a hastily convened meeting at The jockey club in Newmarket where he was sensationally stripped of his amazing win in the 2009 grand National! He admitted cheating and named one "Mon Mome",...

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Jade Goody - A forgotten Princess

Funny story: Jade Goody - A forgotten Princess

A passionate plea has been made for the people of the UK to remember Jade Goody, the 'forgotten Princess'. Speaking today outside his newly acquired Essex mansion, publicist and financial toy boy Max Clinks appealed for the public to remember Good...

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"Fred the Shred" to go on tour

Funny story: "Fred the Shred" to go on tour

Sir Fred "The Shred" Goodwin, villain of the Royal Bank of Scotland collapse, is to go on a lecture tour of UK, it has been announced. Sir Fred, represented by Cliff Maxford, has lined up a series of 21 dates in British towns throughout June. The...

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Obama Statue Going Bald

Funny story: Obama Statue Going Bald

Chicago, Il - A statue of President Barrack Obama, erected in honor of his victory party here in Millennium Park, is going bald just four months after it was installed. The head of the bronze seven foot statue, depicting President Obama standing...

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"Porkomputer" causes moslem misery

Funny story: "Porkomputer" causes moslem misery

The marketing of a computer which contains elements made from pork has angered some people in the Moslem community. The Tatyama p-01x has been on sale now for two months, and for reasons which the manufacturer has not revealed, has pork-fat as a...

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A village fete worse than death

Funny story: A village fete worse than death

Residents of Pemberly were angered yesterday when their annual fete was disrupted by Council members from rival village Duxton. The fete is an annual celebration held at the spot where it's believed the great English playwright William Shakespeare on...

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Utter Pollacks: More Fish to be Renamed

Following the revelation from Sainsbury's that Pollack is to be renamed 'Colin' as people were embarrassed to ask for it at the fish counter, further seafood products are to be renamed following complaints from various consumer groups. Sainsbury's...

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Innocent Drinks Loses Its Cherry to Coca-Cola

British soft-drink and smoothie manufacturer Innocent Drinks has announced that it has sold a 20% stake in itself to the Coca-Cola Corporation. Co-founders Richard Reed, Adam Balon and Jon Wright said the investment would be used to take the busin...

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Chopstick State Defeats Michigan State For NCAA National Title

Funny story: Chopstick State Defeats Michigan State For NCAA National Title

DETROIT - Chopstick State University, the little college located in Chattahooche, Florida, on the banks of the Apalachicola River has made college basketball history. The Fighting Egg Rollers, who at the beginning of the NCAA March Madness Basket...

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Sar-Cozy Sextext Messages "Guns" Obama

Funny story: Sar-Cozy Sextext Messages "Guns" Obama

As Eurotrash journalism fell cocks over bull for Michelle "HotMama" Obama, the French President Nicholas Sarkozy rethought his hasty union with starlet and chanteuse, Carla Bruni. Once the hot number among the not ready for real journalism tabloidist...

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North Korean Bottle Rocket Puts First Satellite in Inner Space

Funny story: North Korean Bottle Rocket Puts First Satellite in Inner Space

While numerous countries and NGA's have been wasting enormous amounts of high cost fuels and technical genius to position satellites in outer space, North Korean rocketeers have found an economical and energy efficient way to place a satellite in inn...

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Baby meat cults on the rise

Funny story: Baby meat cults on the rise

Rich people have been eating babies in hopes of staying younger. If you think the current economic downturn is creating new debt for generations to come, think again. Babies are once again on the menu as international bankers and the IMF sit to cho...

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Cheney Pharmaceuticals Discovers 'Memorase' - the Drug that Erases Memories

Funny story: Cheney Pharmaceuticals Discovers 'Memorase' - the Drug that Erases Memories

Global drug giant Cheney Pharmaceuticals has added to their truth serum and torture chemicals, it's newest, latest human behavior modifier. Memorase is a single dose potion that can wipe all recollection of whatever remembrance that is chemically...

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Lucian Freud Painting Attacks Madonna

Funny story: Lucian Freud Painting Attacks Madonna

Lucian Freud, one of the best known, and most successful portrait painters of the late great twentieth century when things we're simpler and dirt stayed in the gutter, is once again in the headlines. In a recent string of young women reclining be...

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Organizers still scrambling a month before huge Chunnel celebration

Funny story: Organizers still scrambling a month before huge Chunnel celebration

On May 6, 2009, the largest party ever, celebrating a tunnel, will be held in Folkestone, England in honor of the Channel Tunnel's 15th anniversary. Still the world's longest tunnel beneath a body of water, the Chunnel connects Great Britain to mainl...

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Federal reserve cancels China bonds and claims all the china in China

Funny story: Federal reserve cancels China bonds and claims all the china in China

WASHINGTON DC, U.S.A. - Federal Reserve chairman Bernanke canceled all bonds held by China in response to the consequential damages due to Chinese lead, melamine, and now stinky wallboard exports harming the U.S. economy beyond repair. In addition...

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Airport X-Ray 'Strip' Scanners May be Purchased by Larry Flynt

Funny story: Airport X-Ray 'Strip' Scanners May be Purchased by Larry Flynt

When Michelle Obama refused to walk through the new X-ray scanner at the Heathrow Airport, on a trip to visit her cousin, the plan to install these new imaging systems in every airport in the country, ran into an unexpected hurdle. The X-ray scann...

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Residents Protest "Customer With Child" Parking Spaces At Local Grocery Store

Funny story: Residents Protest "Customer With Child" Parking Spaces At Local Grocery Store

Area residents today organized an informal rally at the local grocery store in an effort to draw attention to a growing source of tension within their community, as well as within communities across America. They staged what is becoming commonly know...

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Terrorists make Insurance Companies; ditch pakistan.

Funny story: Terrorists make Insurance Companies; ditch pakistan.

The last major insurance companies have started pulling out of Pakistan. The companies are fed up of people insuring themselves and turning out to be terrorists and suicide bombers blowing themselves up - costing companies billions. The com...

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Boy George Accidentally Injures Third Eye

Funny story: Boy George Accidentally Injures Third Eye

As if it wasn't enough that "Ole Boy George" has been having a string of bad luck with tying up his snacks to radiators, he has now created more problems for his all but dissipated career. In a recent "fronce" with a local "150 roses" per hour bo...

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Homicide Bomber School Closes

Funny story: Homicide Bomber School Closes

Mohave CA: The Acme Homicide Bomber School (AHBS) closed its doors today. The good news is that the school's first class successfully passed their educational assessment exams. The AHBS, located in a remote part of the Mohave Desert, had asked the...

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