New Allotment Tax to Commence July 13th

Funny story written by Zoltan Peppa

Monday, 20 April 2009

image for New Allotment Tax to Commence July 13th
Gordon Brown

Gordon brown announced today that the proposed Nationwide Allotment Tax will come into force July 13th 2009 in time for the peak growing season.

Allotment holders will be charged £75 per plot, per year, based on an average plot of 300 sq. mtr. Multiple plot cultivators will be liable to pay double, treble or even more depending on the amount of plots they have. Non payers would suffer harsh penalties similar to Council Tax non payers. This will of course be on top of any charge the allotment holder pays already to their Local Authority or Organisation who rents the plots out.

It is understood that the revenue raised will be in excess of £20m. Gordon Brown was very clear on where the money would be spent.

With the rise of home grown cannabis in The UK. Advisers to The Government warned that allotments would be used for production of organic marijuana. And policing this would be particularly difficult without proper funding. Therefore the Government are in the process of setting up the Allotment Inspectors. The Allotment Inspectors will be given special powers to enter allotment sites at any time day or night to check no illegal plants are being grown.

Allotment Associations are said to be rather unhappy with the latest nonsensical tax dreamt up by the Government. Jasper Carrot ex comedian, Golden Balls presenter and Chairperson of his local Birmingham Allotment Association said on the matter, 'this is bleeding ridiculous. I've never come across any illegal activity in 30 years of allotmenteering. Even if we did we'd just call the police. The Government must take us for fools if they think we'd just do nothing if this kind of thing was going on. Now we're lumbered with an extra £75 bill and the chance that complete strangers in uniforms could turn up day or night and nick our prize veg'.

Jim Bean committee member of National Society for Allotments said, 'Gordon Brown is a cabbage, most allotment holders are cultivating for similar reasons they did during WWII. To grow their own nutritious food they could not necessarily afford otherwise. Forcing people to shell out and extra £75 will force low income families and pensioners off their plots. Turning vegetable growing on allotments into a middle class gardening pastime'.

Time will tell if gardeners around the country will just swallow this tax laying down or descend on Downing Street wielding garden Forks. But you can be sure there'll be thousands of unhappy gardeners nationwide when their tax bills drops through their letter boxes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more