London - (Preposterous Ass Mess): Shrinks at London's Royal Freak Hospital are poised to section Prof Stephen Hawking after his ex-wife complained that he was about to fake his own death 'just like Princess Di'.
Elaine Hawking has told social workers she was worried about her ex doing a runner before secretly shacking up with some Taleban slut 'just like that Diana hoaxer'.
Hawking was admitted to hospital today after complaining of palpitations close to his wallet.
But the wily old hokum peddler is notorious for all manner of fakiry (sic) including impersonating an Olympic-standard quadriplegic Pole-vaulter in order to fiddle generous disability benefit handouts.
Prince Charles once shagged Hawking in the Buckingham Palace organic composting toilet.
