There were 108 spoof news stories published in August 2006. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
FDA Certifies Aspartame as Ant Poison
WASHINGTON (AP)-The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has certified the popular sweetener aspartame as an ant poison. "Aspartame was originally developed as an ant poison and it was only changed to being non-poisonous after it was realized tha...
Read full story'Inbreeding' is behind rise in cases of diabetes, claims MP
An MP has caused outrage by suggesting that high rates of diabetes in his Norfolk constituency, which has seen a growing number of cases among children, could be the result of residents' inbreeding. Ian Gibson, a former chairman of the Commons Sc…
Read full storyBismarck sunk again
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Tragedy has struck once again in the hapless Von Bismarck family, whose eponymous luxury ocean-going yacht, leased to the Third Reich on cruise duties, met with disaster in the Mediterranean in 1941.
Read full storyMel Gibson to Have Bris
(Hollyweird--AP) In a stunning public relations move, disgraced Hollyweird Hunk Mel Gibson has agreed to undergo a "Retro-active Bris" to attone for recent vitriolic, anti-Semitic remarks, made during his now infamous DUI arrest. "The remarks I m...
Read full storyInternet scientists demote .ORG to "dwarf domain"
CERN, SWITZERLAND -- An uproar took place in the digital world when the Internet Engineering Task Force demoted .ORG sites to the status of "dwarf domain" at its sixty-sixth official meeting in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. IETF chairman Brian...
Read full storyCops seize Blair's passport as Cherie tans her cellulite
Downing Street, London - (Ass-o-CIA-ted Mess): Officers from the Metropolitan Police's Anti-Corruption division investigating the bribes-for-honours scam that bagged Lord Levy last month have confiscated Tony Blair's passport, preventing him...
Read full storyBush: The Real Life Sauron?
Washington D.C. - After the mass pressure of the public, the government had finally released the photograph in question about our current president, George W. Bush. When the picture was enlarged, it showed the ring of power on his left ring finger.
Read full storyOperation To Conjoin Twins A Success
Parents breathe huge sigh of relief as babies successfully stuck together...
Read full storySuperman Stunned to be Listed on StayClearOfTheseMen.com Website
He may be a super MAN, but some women don't think the Man of Steel is a super DATE. Superman was appalled to see that he was listed on StayClearOfTheseMen.com, Mary Manhater's website where women share horror stories about their dating exper...
Read full storyAstrologers denounce Pluto downgrade
Prague, Czech Republic - (Associated Mess): A global convention of astronomers has called for the official demotion of the planet Pluto after denouncing it as a dirty chunk of meaningless space crap that's too distant for firing-range practise i...
Read full storyExtreme Health & Safety
Following reports that the new £2.1m Greenbank fire service HQ in Plymouth has been built without the traditional "pole" for health and safety reasons, The Spoof has learnt of other instances of PC lunacy that continue to blight poor old Blighty.
Read full storyAlabama Chocolate Factory Worker Boasts Miracle Bust
(Scottsboro, AL) - Fellow chocolate factory workers were startled when master candy maker Horance Burgance presented them with a chocolate bust of former Alabama head football coach Paul "Bear" Bryant. The bust, seen above, formed when a leak on the...
Read full storyKeith Richards Falls Foul of Ban
Elderly gentleman and star of Stenna Stairlift commercials, Keith Richards (96), is in hot water having flouted the laws of the land while performing in the Northern Englandshire village of Glasgow.
Read full storySnakes In The White House
It has been disclosed that there are snakes in the White House: some venomous, some not; but snakes none the less and nobody likes snakes. Snakes are coming out of faucets, up sink drains, down fireplace flues, through heating ducts, toilets, squirm...
Read full storyPluto the Pooch Plans a Name Change
Ever since the news broke that Pluto (the so-called ninth planet) might not be a planet after all, Pluto the pooch is unhappy with his name and wants to change it. "It's time to move on," he's told Mickey Mouse and other friends.
Read full storyU. S. Woman Matched with Dutch Orangutan on Online Dating Website
New York -- Flora Find-a-man (shown here at work), 32, got the shock of her life last week when she hooked up with an orangutan on an online dating website. Flora, a stand-up comedienne (as opposed to a sit-down one), met with a Spoof reporter last...
Read full storyPsychiatrist Ousted for Curing Patients
Birmingham Psychiatrist Dr. Hiebold Moranis was recently stripped of his credentials and permanently banned from Psychiatric practice because of his record of curing patients rather than "treating" their symptoms. His actions were deemed contrary to...
Read full storyCyclist Tests Positive For LSD
Tour de France Cyclist Zed Grooverson has given a positive drugs test, his Diamonds In The Sky team has revealed.
Read full storyMI5 Uncover Irish Link In Terror Plot
Sources close to M15 have revealed that there may be an Irish connection to the alleged terror plot against US Aircraft flying from the UK.
Read full storyNASA to replace OnStar® antenna on shuttle Atlantis
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA -- NASA officials have opted to unbolt and replace a vital OnStar® antenna in the cargo bay aboard the shuttle Atlantis. The swap should not impact the vehicle's planned Aug. 27 launch date. "We'll be getting set up this...
Read full storyNATO ready to bust Ratzinger
Vatican City - (ASS-o-CIA-ted Mess): Thousands of under-cover NATO hit-squad operatives are rumoured to be milling incognito among the crowds of St Peter's Square today as the world's most senior spooks, cops and military intelligence chiefs...
Read full storyBBC Presenter Doucet Pulled from Screens
British TV presenter Lyse Doucet has announced she has a plan which may halt the hostilities in the Middle East. Speaking live on BBC World TV from Beirut, she appealed to Arab and Isreali leaders to, "get round a big table and sort it all out...
Read full storyBusted polygamist threatens Bush dirt plea-bargain
Wacko, Texas - (AssoCIAted Mess): Warren Jeffs, the spiritual leader and founding prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, was behind bars last night after Nevada highway patrol cops busted him for possession of three wigs, fifteen...
Read full storyMy Messy online Breakdown!
Radio show host Dr. Joy Browne says you can fight, but be polite about it. So the last time I had to assert myself, I told the person nicely to "Please fuck off!". I don't know what could've gotten into me. Perhaps it was the recent anniversary of Babe Ruth's passing. He lived an inspiring life. His full name was Barbara Ruth, though his closest friends called him &quo...
Read full storyScientists Stunned to Learn the Extent of Unknown Bacteria in Oceans
Dr. Quinn Queasy, a marine researcher of great renown, was enjoying breakfast with his wife when he read about it in his morning newspaper. A global Census of Marine Life had just revealed that there might be more than 10 million types of bacteria (...
Read full storyMicrosoft Rolls Out New Corporate Song
REDMOND, Wash. - Microsoft announced today that it is introducing a new corporate song to replace the aging "Start Me Up" anthem from the aging British rock group The Rolling Stones. "While 'Start Me Up' has a nice bea...
Read full storyAirport Scans: Use Them to YOUR Advantage
Hollywood - All over the US people are talking about the proposed airport scans. Surveys formal and informal show a distinct adverse response, despite the authorities' touting its benefits to flying safety. "We can see that hair gelignite and to...
Read full storyRyder Cup Security Concerns
DUBLIN (Reuters) - Spectators at next month's Ryder Cup will be banned from carrying mobile rocket launchers, organisers have confirmed.
Read full storyAhmadinnnerjacket launches lonely-hearts blog
Tehran, Iran - (ReUterus): Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinnerjacket has defied his country's traditional courtship conventions and launched a personal internet dating agency for razor-deficient, holocaust-amnesic lonely-hearts kindred spirits...
Read full storyParenting: Shifting the Blame
A widespread occurence has plagued our nation. Shifting the blame. Many parents have found a quick solution to solving their bad parenting skills, and to abondon responsibility for raising their children.
Read full storyCanadians nail Bush's fake academic records
Toronto, Ontario - (Associated Mess): A northern Ontario university's guerilla marketing campaign of vilifying George Bush's alleged alma mater Yale University has provoked unprecedented global approval after it's slogan "GRADUATIN...
Read full storyNew "Pon-Fob" Solves Travel Dilemma
(Los Angeles, CA -) Some people flee crisis and beg for governments to take even more control over their daily lives. Others think crisis means opportunity.
Read full storyMad Cow Future Lookin' Good
Washington, DC -- The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) has decided to cut testing for BSE (Mad Cow Disease) by 90%. Formerly testing 1 in 100 slaughtered cows, the USDA will now let that number sink to 1 in 1000. But the agency is intent on reassu...
Read full storyBush Targets Equator
A Reuters report that "President Bush is seeking to draw a line in the sand in an attempt to reignite his crusade for world peace" is gaining pace.
Read full storyTSA imposes "5-day waiting period" on flyers
WASHINGTON, DC -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency announced it will impose more airline restrictions following the terrorist threat in the United Kingdom. Beginning immediately, all passengers will be required to wait five days before travel...
Read full story'Tigers In A Walmart' Now Under Production
'Tigers In A Walmart', insiders say, takes a whimsical look at what COULD happen, theoretically if thirteen 650 pound starving Siberian tigers suddenly got loose in a Walmart .. store packed .. exits jammed, Christmas Eve and the starving ti...
Read full storyGibson Recants Recantation
Hollywood - The ever-news-worthy Mel Gibson announced today by way of his manager, Guy Bouyette of the PR firm MakeItHappen, that he has had second thoughts about the recantation of his now-famous remarks.
Read full storyShorties Shocked by Research Showing Taller People Are Smarter
Sam Shorty, a 5-foot-4 reporter (pictured here), is disgusted with his latest assignment, reporting on new research results indicating that taller people are smarter than shorter people. "That's what two Princeton researchers have found in...
Read full storyTerrorists Spare Virgin Air
Due to religious principles, (yes, those criminal thugs have a self-serving one) and not wishing to get into a negative relationship with the seventy-two virgins waiting for each in heaven, terrorist have decided not to target Virgin Air with suicide...
Read full storyBlair's firstborn is Shirley Porter's gerrymandering accomplice
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): The epic saga of the Thatcher era homes-for-votes fiasco took a sinister turn today as the latest Euro-Septic Tory glory-boy David Cameron emerged as the number one police suspect in Dame Shirley Porter's disastrous...
Read full storyVoodoo Doctors Oppose New Regulator
The British Voodoo Doctors Association (BVDA) has threatened to take industrial action, unless the government drops its plans to create a new independent regulator. Officials from the Department of Health are holding eleventh hour talks with BVDA lea...
Read full storyEntire US Population Is ‘Sick' Declares Psychiatrist
New York -- In a stunning announcement today, the American Psycho-Practitioners Association (APPA) unveiled a new program that will label the entire US population as a "PTSD Nation." Intended to be their flagship project, the APPA sees great potentia...
Read full storyBrooke Astor strikes back
New York, New York - ( ReUterus & AssoCIAted Mess): Aging centenarian former socialite Brooke Astor, 104, has filed a counter-suit in the Lower Manhattan District Court after members of her family threatened to cut off her care allowance and accused...
Read full storyBush suborns Ratzinger's Osama paternity DNA evidence
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): In a shock move that has left even the most cynical cynics reeling, George W Bush this week ordered the destruction of all internet references to newly discovered MI6 evidence that name Pope Joseph Ratzinger and fo...
Read full storyRapture Index at meltdown as Feds prepare TheoCon cull
Washington AC/DC - (Asso-CIA-ted Mess): Special agents in the FBI's superstition humbug busting directorate are poised this weekend to enforce a little of their own Biblical Soddom and Gomorrah on the US TheoCon movement that bankrolled the Cuba...
Read full storyDHS Publishes New Survival Guidelines
This afternoon, in an attempt to prepare our citizens to meet the latest challenges on the war on terror, Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff met with journalists at Pinal Air base near Tucson, AZ. In a 10 minute briefing, Secretary Chertoff out...
Read full storyPentagon adds feces, urine to list of banned gels & liquids
YOKOTA AIR BASE, Japan -- Soldiers taking the Patriot Express and other military hops face more restrictions than those applied to commercial flights in the United States and other countries following the terrorist threat in the United Kingdom, a Yok...
Read full storyTSA bans gels, liquids at aircraft museums
WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR FORCE BASE, OHIO -- The U.S. Transportation Security Agency has imposed its ban on gels & liquids at aircraft museums. The national museum at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base was hardest hit by the new security measure. Museum di...
Read full storyDavid Blunkett's Amazing Powers Shock a Nation
Tony Blair revealed in a press conference today the surprising reasons why he kept David Blunkett in government after his recent scandals.
Read full storyRatzinger's UK bagman does a runner
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): The Papal Pro-Nuncio in London Joaquin Navarro-Valls has fled his Vatican-appointed Dead Sea Scrolls office following UK press reports that linked his offshore bank accounts held at the Riggs Bank, Pyongyang branch, to tw...
Read full storyGibson Discovers His Inner Woman
Hollywood -- It seems that Mel Gibson is having a crisis of conscience. He has confessed to insiders (the two that haven't fled yet), who leaked to...well, me, what he was shocked -shocked!-to read in a 10th grade biology text -- ONE-HALF his gen...
Read full storyBoom of Bigger Babies in Bay State
A recent Harvard research study reveals the prevalence of pudgy children in Massachusetts increased nearly 60 percent in 22 years. One of the most amazing findings is how heavy newborns are. In Massachusetts, apparently many babies are born big and...
Read full storyWhite House Unveils "Burger Plan" to Prevent Civil War in Iraq
WASHINGTON (UPI)-Insisting that Iraq "isn't really" sliding into civil war, President George W. Bush has unveiled his new "Burger Plan" to promote democracy in the war-torn country.
Read full storyFitzie planning Clinton's 60th birthday surprise?
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Mess): The corridors of power on Capitol Hill have been awash all week with high level rumors that Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has a Plame-Game injury time wild card up his sleeve and is ready to play it as a on...
Read full storyViacom Tries to Buy The Onion; Man with Bag on Head Interferes
It's been rumored for weeks that media giant Viacom has attempted to buy The Onion, the satirical newspaper and Web site. The Onion has denied that any negotiations have taken place, but our spies know the true story. There WAS a small (two peo...
Read full storyUS Sales of Rickshaws Rise, as Gas Prices Soar
New York City Wal-Mart, this season, is reporting stellar sales of Rickshaws, imported from China, in its downtown New York City stores. A...
Read full storyUS to 'Render' Iranian Football Team
Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims his country has evidence which proves the US is using its World Cup Squad to hide a CIA Rendition team which is under the leadership of School of the Americas alumni, Bruce Arena.
Read full storyEuan Blair sectioned in Barbados
Bridgetown, Barbados - (AssoCIAted Mess): The Prime Monster's son Euan Blair was under lock and key last night in the psychiatric ward of the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Bridgetown, Barbados after a public falling out with his parents about the...
Read full storyTop 3 iPod Accessories Missing from the Market
The iPod has so many accessories and extraneous add-ons going for it, it’s becoming laughable. I’ve even seen a specialized sock with which to carry the player, proudly being advertised on Apple’s own site, no less. I do feel, however, that there are a few ideas which Apple should seriously consider looking into, for both the benefit of the listener and the company. So I’ve penned out a few of the...
Read full storyNew Pen Packs a Good Time for Students of the Art of Love
New York - The Back-to-School Season is ramping up. New lines of ‘multi-purpose' writing implements are jousting for shelf space, slick ads are cropping up everywhere, clamoring for attention. But the new Bic Duo may be forced to the bottom shelf whe...
Read full storyGeorge And Laura Bush To Adopt Embryo
Believing that all embryos are viable human beings, (real living, thinking people, just a wee bit short of a mooring pier for growth and development) and that using one for scientific stem cell research is comparable to murder;...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Announces Week of Prayer for New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS (AP) -- President Bush visited New Orleans on Tuesday, the anniversary of the city's destruction by Hurricane Katrina, and announced a full week of national prayer for the victims of the greatest natural disaster in American history, and...
Read full storyPope laments latest Middle East ceasefire
Vatican City - (Associated Mess): In his weekly address to the dwindling masses of his Pontifical Fan Club, Pope Joseph Ratzinger has bemoaned the latest Middle East ceasefire as being un-biblical and called for an immediate resumption of hostilit...
Read full storyUnwell Castro Cedes Power To Pet Goldfish
Veteran Cuban president Fidel Castro has temporarily handed leadership of the country to his pet goldfish, Igor, because of illness.
Read full storyHeathrow to Put Waiting Time to Good Use - Free ‘Personal' Exams
London -- Keeping passengers happy during the now super-long waits at the check-in desk can be a challenge. Managers at London's Heathrow may have solved the problem, they say, by filling the frustrating enduro-time wasted on line with the offering o...
Read full storySurgeons to Join Twins
Nashville, Tennessee - A group of pediatric surgeons at Wonderanawe Hospital, Nashville's premier facility for "outside-the-norm treatments" (according to their website), have announced today that they plan to join a set of identical twins...
Read full storyNursing Home Terrorist Captured
Houston, Texas - Mabel Washington was fed up. She just couldn't take it any more. The time had come to make it stop, so she took matters into her own hands…...
Read full storyLittle Red Riding Hood Warns Wolf about Apple Computer Stock
The news that Apple Computer Inc. is studying irregularities related to its stock option grants came as a surprise to many investors. But not to Little Red Riding Hood, who had been given the opportunity to study Apple's financial reports severa...
Read full storyLook Out Big Oil, There's a New Kid in Town!
DETROIT (MotorNews)--With oil prices at astronomical heights, Hollywood and Motown have teamed up to do what diplomacy and armed conflict haven't been able to accomplish: to deliver to the American people an alternative to long lines at the ga...
Read full storySee It When You Believe It
New York - Not to be outdone by the inventors of the new chewing gum purported to fight tooth decay, contact lens maker Botch & Lame announced its new line of lenses that will "rock your world," as company spokesman Bob Babushka crowed.
Read full storyCIA Develops New Anti-Terrorism Gas
Fort Detrieck, Maryland -- The Central Intelligence Agency today announced the development of a new chemical weapon that works against terrorism. Agent AT (Anti Terrorism) is a chemical that is specifically absorbed by that part of the brain, the RAGE (Rapid Anger Ganglion Elongation) that was discovered only last year by researcher at Harvard Medical School. Using MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging)...
Read full storyBush Launches Campaign to Bomb Britain
Noting that Britain is becoming a "Haven for Al-Queda", George Bush announced, "Our War on Terror must continue", and began preparation for an intensive bombing campaign of the British Isles. The campaign will be modeled after his successful bombing...
Read full storyTroops on stand-by as Levy bribe probe cops grill Blair
London - (Associated Mess): Officers investigating the bribes-for-honours mess that saw the Prime Monster's racket partner Lord Levy arrested last month are reported to be standing by with armed troops in a bid to storm No 10 Downing Street.
Read full storyBush Condems Military Intelligence
George Bush expressed anger, today, that the C.I.A.. the Defense Intelligence Agency, and the State Department's intelligence bureau have not provided him with a "smoking gun", which he could use to launch a nuclear attack on Iran.
Read full storyAtlantis Glitch Found
Cape Canaveral, FL - NASA has encountered yet a third obstacle to its upcoming launch. First a lightning strike, next a threatening storm. But the latest problem may prove to be the most intractable.
Read full storyTerror cops find Di pre-nup 'martyr tapes'
Buckingham Palace, London - (AssoCIAted Mess & ReUterus): Police officers investigating the abortive attempt of the mass murder of thousands of US-bound airline passengers are believed to have stumbled upon startling new evidence leading directly t...
Read full storyTerminal Celebrity
I had originally intended to do an interesting and amusing piece on actual calls to suicide hotlines. However they proved to be fairly monotonous, and boiled down to 2 or 3 major themes. The most frequent sort of call went something like this:...
Read full storyAmateur Voice Acting Pandemic!
A world wide pandemic has erupted, effecting people from children to adults. It has become known as "Amateur Voice Acting". One of the most common sources that have infected thousands, is called the Voice Acting Alliance. Some may call this...
Read full storyO'Leary Threatens World Domination
Reports are coming in that a videotape made by Michael O'Leary, CEO of Irish No-Bullshit Airline Ryanair is hitting the newsdesks of the world.
Read full storyNOLA SWAB Name Change
New Orleans, LA - The first anniversary of one of the worst disasters (natural) to hit the US has caused many to peer into their retrospectroscopes in the hopes either of finding ways to improve crisis response (numerous Katrina authors), or ass cov...
Read full storyThe Greatest Name of All Time
Gather round children, it's storytime. Once upon a time a Scotsman, an American and an Australian went in search of the greatest Name of all time. Their names were Craig Meighan, Joe Pesci and Paul Hogan.
Read full storyThought Police send crop circle message
Salisbury, Wiltshire - (Associated Mess): A new and awesome crop circle image has appeared on Salisbury Plain this month and is wreaking havoc among bent security/intelligence spooks charged with erasing the Bush/Blair criminal records of the 1960s...
Read full storyTHE POWER POINT
[ W.. Rummy, I hope it was traffic this time. Rum. No Mr President, it's the Avodart.
Read full storyToddlers Sprung from Shopping Carts; Havoc Ensues
The American Academy of Pediatrics has recently warned parents about the dangers involved in putting children in shopping carts, citing the statistic that shopping carts were involved in injuries to more than 24,000 children last year. As a result,...
Read full storySquirrels Strike Back
It has emerged that a deadly new terrorist group has been formed out of the chaos of recent times and political change in Britain. Squizbollah are a new extremist group that has arisen to be yet another thorn in the side to Britain's Labour governmen...
Read full storyIrish Crime Downturn Heightens Concern
Figures released yesterday from the Irish Central Statistics Office have shown a dramatic decrease in crime of over 40%, while many welcomed the results, several professional and representative bodies have expressed concern with this apparent downtur...
Read full storyIrish Psychiatrist Discovers Terrorist Gene
Up to 15% of Irish people have terrorist thoughts and the single most important factor associated with such thoughts is a frustrated mood, according to Professor Thick Casty, Consultant Psychiatrist at the Madder Hospital in Dublin.
Read full storyHome Office To Convict Terrorists Without Trial.
Plans to convict terror suspects of criminal offence now looks likely following a landmark court decision handed down this week.
Read full storyBlair shafted as he flogs bio-pic movie rights
Long Beach, California - (ReUterus & Associated Mess): In scenes of unprecedented desperation PM Tony Blair has sold the film rights of his as yet unwritten autobiography to a Hollywood consortium headed by Arnold Schwarzebugger (sic) after the Vati...
Read full storyPinochet calls for alibi as character witness
Santiago, Chile - (AssoCIAted Mess): Charged with the embezzlement of millions of dollars of laundered Saudi funds channelled via British Aerospace slush-fund accounts held in the Riggs Bank in Pyongyang, North Korea, General Augusto Pinochet has ca...
Read full storyCops smash heir terror plot
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Officers from the Met's Anti-terrorist branch have foiled a massive conspiracy to blow up a series of transatlantic passenger jets masterminded by the heir to the Pretender to the Throne of Great Britain, Charles Wind...
Read full storyU.S. Astronomers Discover Blogosphere
SAN DIEGO COUNTY, Calif. -- Astronomers, still crestfallen by the death this week of one of the discipline's luminaries, Dr. James Van Allen, were bouyed by news of the discovery of an entirely new extra-planetary domain, the Blogosphere. While...
Read full storyRice Predicts "Bloodbath Diplomacy" Will bring Democracy to Iraq
Washington, D.C.[/b Condoleeza Rice said that if the Iraqis keep killing each other off, eventually it will get down to only one or two people left, and then it will be much easier for them to come to agreement on everything.
Read full storyNew portrait of Hellfire Club materfamilias
London - (Associated Mess): A new official new portrait of Baroness Thatcher has been praised for depicting the widely-recognised inhuman side of her personality, deftly captured on a rusty sheet of toxic iron recycled from a former Luftwaffe bomber...
Read full storyIt's Time to Set The Record Straight on Kim Jong Il
"To be honest, I am sick of the whole thing," says Kim Jong Il when I ask him about the latest round of six party nuclear talks in Beijing. He looks relaxed in his grey slacks, and radiates confidence when we meet in his luxury hideaway in Pyongyang...
Read full storyCullen Signals Return To Steam
In a radical new departure Irish Minister For Transport & Announcements, Martin Cullen T.D, has unveiled a five hundred year plan to bring steam back to Ireland.
Read full storyUK TV prepares to bury House of Mountbatten
London - (Associated Mess): As a massive rain-bearing anti-cyclone approaches the United Kingdom in time for the traditional depressive August Bank Holiday downpour, television executives at Channel Four are preparing to take advantage of the near-c...
Read full storyParanoid Levy fears Hezbollah stalkers
Downing Street, London - (AssoCIA-ted Mess): The Prime Monster's racket partner and special Middle East envoy Lord Levy has confided to Downing Street aides that he fears being stalked by ex-patriate Hezbollah hitmen following the escalation of I...
Read full storyBomb plot police search Chequers after suitcase find
Chequers, Buckinghamshire - (Associated Mess): Police from the Met's Anti-Terrorist division have extended their search for explosives to bushes planted in the Prime Minister's official country residence Chequers.
Read full storyChirac Defends 'Paltry' Contribution of France to Lebanon Peacekeeping Force
Paris, France -- Annoyed by criticism of the commitment of only a miniscule amount of French troops to the Middle East peacekeeping force, President Jacques Chirac held a press conference today at the foot of the Eiffel Tower to clarify and defend Fr...
Read full storyPlot Foiled. Baked @ 450
Your ever-versatile foil needn’t be reserved for lining the bottom of your oven! Now you can foil all your international plots, too! Freeze ‘em (zero Kelvin, if you can get it!), heat ‘em up (see below), or take ‘em at room temperature (IQ of most plotters anyway!). They’re portable as all get out and can be folded – GENTLY! – into your favorite conspiracy for a quick get together in whatev...
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