Pinochet calls for alibi as character witness

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 21 August 2006

image for Pinochet calls for alibi as character witness
"I see a big fat pay-check in it for you"...

Santiago, Chile - (AssoCIAted Mess): Charged with the embezzlement of millions of dollars of laundered Saudi funds channelled via British Aerospace slush-fund accounts held in the Riggs Bank in Pyongyang, North Korea, General Augusto Pinochet has called for his star witness to testify on is behalf in the forthcoming corruption trial in Santiago next month.

Citing the old P2 Lodge tradition of calling in favours even from equally demented mobster leaders, Pinochet told the press this morning that he was 100 per cent certain of an aquittal now that his old chum Margaret Thatcher would be testifying on his behalf, albeit via a video-link from her personal interrogation suite at HMP Belmarsh where officers of the Metropolitan Police's Anti-Terrorist unit are continuing to quiz her regarding their latest swoop on the gang who attempted to blow up a dozen US-bound flights last week in the UK.

Pinochet's lawyers have maintained that like all the General's lifetime earnings, the $26 million frozen funds have been obtained honestly and legally through savings, donations and interest.

Asked whether General Pinochet had ever attempted to channel any of the allegedly laundered millions towards the political campaigns of the George W Bush doppelganger lookalike whom he fathered and who slimed is way into the White House in November 2000, Pinochet replied: "None of your goddam f*!!**ing business" before being led away by medical staff acting as advisers in the event of the old Generalissimo ever changing his plea to one of sanity.

Santiago prosecutors have consistently lifted immunity from prosecution smoke screens that the General and his lawyers have resorted to each time charges of mass murder, attempted genocide, grand larceny, corruption and other personal bests have been levied against him.

The latest move to have Baroness Thatcher provide a character witness testimony on his behalf have met with mixed reactions in Chile especially from Argentinian neighbours and sympahisers who can recall the old Tory War-horse's glowing public enthusiasm for Pinochet at the time of the 1982 Falklands Islands conflict when the General was accredited with bugging US radar systems that led to the sinking of the Argentinian flagship The Belgrano.

Reports that Thatcher's son Sir Mark is also preparing to testify on the General's behalf have met with mixed reactions as prosecutors have recalled his seminal contribution to financing a failed coup d'etat attempt in Equatorial New Guinea via his own Riggs Bank offshore funds some two years ago, that led to him being barred from entry to the US.

General Pinochet is 91.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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