Rapture Index at meltdown as Feds prepare TheoCon cull

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 5 August 2006

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Rapture rupture imminent?

Washington AC/DC - (Asso-CIA-ted Mess): Special agents in the FBI's superstition humbug busting directorate are poised this weekend to enforce a little of their own Biblical Soddom and Gomorrah on the US TheoCon movement that bankrolled the Cuban mafia gangster who successfully took over and held onto the ID and persona of George W Bush shortly after the assasination of John F Kennedy in Dallas on November 22 1963.

Taking a leaf out of the Old Testament's Book of Easykill, the FBI is reported to be planning a bit of a second coming of the forces of law and order after diligently amassing classified documents showing that they were sold down the river when the Reverend Sun Myung Moon paid US Justice Department sympathisers to erase the criminal records of his Unification Bowel Movement in the spring of 2000.

Meanwhile in the UK the Metropolitan Police and security/intelligence services MI5 and MI5 are also poised to mount their own rapture busting gala as continued reports of satanic worship escalation soar within the House of Mountbatten's mercenary ranks of political donors to the Tory and Labour parties.

Yesterday's black mass at Balmoral Castle commemorating the 106th anniversary of the birth of Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, wife of King George VI, was attended by the full monty of House of Mountbaten Pretenders and Next-in-Lines-to-the-Throne, causing tremors of dis-ease among Scottish police who were called in to deal with a stream of coagulating chicken blood that clogged up the access road to the castle's security offices.

Last week's infestation of signs and omen caused the official UK terrorism alert to hover around the 99% certain mark as swarms of Biblical prophecy manifestations inundated the country and a plague of moths descended on the silk and cashmere wardrobe of Cherry Bush QC in Downing Street.

Top of the list of UK prophetic sightings was that of the Prime Monster's busted bag man and Middle East envoy Lord Levy in shady Knightsbrige watering holes run by ex-KGB agents masquarading as bona fide London restaurateurs.

Flanked by a posse of beefy minders, Levy has upgraded his limousine to bulletproof standard after a consultation with a personal psychiatrist who advised this would be an apporopriate way of dealing with real or imaginary fears centred on Hezbollah lookalikes in his North London neighbourhood.

Then Ken Livingstone's frantic trans-atlantic trip to arse-lick Bill Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenbugger (sic) in Long Bitch, California on the pretext of signing up to a eco-policy flag of convenience had the rapture-watchers teetering on the verge of orgiastic climax as new evidence emerged in the City of London's 'God's Banker' murder investigation of criminal collusion between the Laour Party and Margaret Thatcer during the Ronnie Raygun/Bush 1 administrations.

Predictions worldwide are centred on the astological blockbuster of Monday August 7th when the Sun in the fire sign of Leo conjuncts with Saturn, the stern planet of authority.

UK bookmakers are offering odds of 6-4 on an apocalyptical event centered on the heart of the UK new Labour Party.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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