Rice Predicts "Bloodbath Diplomacy" Will bring Democracy to Iraq

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Saturday, 5 August 2006

image for Rice Predicts "Bloodbath Diplomacy" Will bring Democracy to Iraq

Washington, D.C.[/b Condoleeza Rice said that if the Iraqis keep killing each other off, eventually it will get down to only one or two people left, and then it will be much easier for them to come to agreement on everything.

She insisted that Iraq's model of Democracy will shine so brightly, that it will spread throughout the Middle East, leaving no one left, who still favors Islamic theocracy. She said the fighting between the Israelis and the Hezbollah, is an indication that Iraqi Democracy is already spreading in the region.

Efforts to bring Democracy to Iraq, began with an intensive bombing campaign, demolishing thousands of homes and buildings, and killing over 100,000 Iraqi civilians. "We wanted to let them know that we were very serious about bringing them self-determination." Condi explained.

At first, it was anticipated that the capture of the brutal dictator, Saddam Huusein, would bring about stability in Iraq. However, the death toll has only steadily increased since then.

Next, it was believed that a free and open election would bring an end to terrorism, and at last, Iraqi Democracy would spread, throughout the troubled Middle East. However, following the election, the number of deaths, each day continued to mount.

Recently, it was thought, that if the Iraqis came up with a Constitution, that would signal the end of the terrorist insurgents. However, after signing a constitution, the level of violence only increased.

"We are not sure why these people are so resistant to Democracy and self-determination," Condi remarked at a press conference. "Maybe we need to bomb them again, so they understand us." She added, "if we continue pushing the nation into the throes of a bloody civil war, then they will know that we are really serious about forcing Democracy on them."

Harvard political science professor, Barney Hampton tried to clarify the situation. "Cheney, Bush, and Rice are clueless," he stated. "First they systematically shut out everybody in the State Department, CIA, and Diplomatic Core, who understood anything about history, social sciences, and world politics. Instead they surrounded themselves with ideological yes-men whose only agenda was to secure the profits of the oil industry, and military-industrial complex."

"History is the repeated story of exploited peoples throwing off the yoke of colonial domination," professor Hampton said. "Take the American Revolution, for example. In Iraq, we are clearly the oppressors, since we are only interested in controlling their oil. The reason Cheney and gang can't bring about Democracy in Iraq, is because they have never believed in Democracy, in the first place."

50,000 Iraqis have died since the "end" of the war, along with 2,520 US Troops.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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