Bush Targets Equator

Funny story written by Billy Bureaucrat

Friday, 25 August 2006

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Bush Draws Line In Sand

A Reuters report that "President Bush is seeking to draw a line in the sand in an attempt to reignite his crusade for world peace" is gaining pace.

Realising that his war on terror is going around in circles, President Bush has declared a new Axis Of Evil, namely, The Equator.

Presidential aides are not willing to speculate on which of the Presidents' 28 cranial hemispheres is responsible for this latest initiative.

Senior CIA Operatives have briefed the President on the extent of the insurgency spanning some 24,000 miles in width, dissecting 3 continents and containing some 360 different degrees of terrorist risk!

Satellite imagery has confirmed thousands of horizontal dots in this area, which the CIA maintain is a huge train carrying unthinkable amounts of WMD believed to have been smuggled from Iraq before the most recent American invasion.

The President immediately declared the entire area a No-Fly Zone warning that any Aircraft found orbiting would be shot down without warning.

US Air Force Commanders are said to be dizzy planning an aerial defence of the region.

It is understood that English Prime Minister Tony Blurr has urged George W. to check everything out carefully before launching an attack.

Mr. Blurr claims to be vindicated in his support of the American leader now that the missing WMD has finally been located

Sources close to Mr. Blurr indicate that he now seems more comfortable with giving Bush some latitude on the issue.

President Bush reassured him that a pre-emptive strike was not imminent as he was running out of troops.

The Pentagon confirmed that 54% of the wounded are too seriously injured to return to their units, this means that 9% of the US total force is either dead or disabled.

Rumours first reported on this site that Bush was offering Mexicans free US Citizenship for a very short stint with the Marine Corps remain unconfirmed.

The President has since ordered the redeploying of the disabled as an heroic demonstration of the American gung-ho warriors' fighting spirit .

Speculation that US armed forces are about to announce new efforts to keep seriously wounded or disabled on active duty. remains rife.

Dismissing these reports, Bush reminded his war craved supporters of "the importance of unprovoked strikes against vicious enemies of the free world".

"These Equatorions are clear and substantiated evidence of the horrific threat posed to our freedom and democracy."

Bush continued "These virtual imaginary terrorists are the most dangerous type of all, America must remain vigilant to this transparency" he warned.

Responding to the news, Russian President Vladimir L. Putin replied by stating Bush's policy is "dictatorial and hypocritical."

Russia's leader continued by warning that policies "based on the barrack-room principles of a unipolar world appear to be extremely dangerous."

Bush rubbished this by saying "enough of this unipolar crud, America is Bi-Polar all the way and we'll chase these dammed Equatorions North and South until they engage in true single party Democracy. God Save America."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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