Paranoid Levy fears Hezbollah stalkers

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 8 August 2006

image for Paranoid Levy fears Hezbollah stalkers
"Just keep taking the medication, Michael..."

Downing Street, London - (AssoCIA-ted Mess): The Prime Monster's racket partner and special Middle East envoy Lord Levy has confided to Downing Street aides that he fears being stalked by ex-patriate Hezbollah hitmen following the escalation of Israeli hostilities in the southern Lebanon.

Levy, who was arrested last month in the police investigation of the bribes-for-honours corruption probe, has complained bitterly that his annual vacation to the family villa on the Dead Sea is now impossible after former WMD-fantasy chums in the Arab world grassed him up to fanatics on a trophy-seeking mission in the current round of the Get-Bush/Blair scalp-hunting season.

Reports from Whitehall have consistently hinted that Levy's fears had been diagnosed as grossly exaggerated, necessitating a number of consultative visits to Foreign Office psychiatrists experienced in working with inmates of HMP Belmarsh as well as relatives of Heather Mills McCartney and Dame Shirley Porter.

And despite requesting official diplomatic protection, Levy has been left high and dry as officers from the Metropolitan Police's Serious and Organised Crimes Squad continue to probe him in their bribes-for-honours investigation, focusing on just how much £££££££££££ the noble lord himself coughed up in order to worm his way into the House of Lords, a priviledged desk in the Foreign Office and attendant foreign travel budget on behalf of the Downing Street Poodle Administration.

Last week UK press reports suggested that Iranian spies in the UK had tracked Levy for a number of years as he flitted around the Middle East on Tony Blair's behalf, ostensibly drumming up support for the Saddam's Oil-for-Fraud scam and the WMD frantasy pretext for war against Iraq.

These sources have hinted that all the time that Levy toyed with the trappings of high-level Middle Eastern diplomacy he was buying classified data about Hezbollah munitions dumps, rocket-launching facilities and other military installations currently being targeted by Israeli forces in their cull of Asses of Evil-backed terrorists.

Now it is thought that Levy himself has been grassed up and a contract put out on him by aggrieved shopping mall developers who have lost hundreds of millions of dollars in lost revenue opportunities as Beirut and southern Lebanon are razed to the ground in the latest ballistic onslaughts.

The Prime Monster's official spokesman was keeping fairly quiet on the subject, however, after being bombarded with tricky questions this week about Mrs Blair's luckless pre-holiday cellulite-busting spa treatments at Champneys.

Blair himself remains on unofficial house arrest as UK cops continue to impound his passport and Downing Street keeps up its fatuous spin about a delayed start to the annual holidays due to tensions in the Middle East.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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