Bush Condems Military Intelligence

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Friday, 25 August 2006

image for Bush Condems Military Intelligence
"We don't need any intelligence to attack Iran"

George Bush expressed anger, today, that the C.I.A.. the Defense Intelligence Agency, and the State Department's intelligence bureau have not provided him with a "smoking gun", which he could use to launch a nuclear attack on Iran.

"We don't need any Intelligence to do this," he cried out in frustration.

Bush is generally unconcerned that he has zero credibility with the public, after the "smoking gun" he used in his State of the Union message, to justify the invasion of Iraq, turned out to be a complete fabrication. Not only was there no smoke...there turned out to be no gun.

Intelligence officials are being much more cautious in their assessments, given the fact that Bush tried to blame them for his own faulty intelligence.

"Bush's faulty intelligence is legendary", said General Wayne A. Downing Jr., the retired former commander of the Special Operations Command. "He can't blame us for his faulty intelligence."

Not only are they not providing Bush with the rationalization he wishes for to bomb Iran, but national security experts are speaking out in droves against Bush's extremist views on Iran.

22 Former Generals and National Security Experts recently signed a statement condemning Bush's militaristic machinations:

"We strongly caution against any consideration of the use of military force against Iran. The current crisis must be resolved through diplomacy, not military action. An attack on Iran would have disastrous consequences for security in the region and U.S. forces in Iraq, and it would inflame hatred and violence in the Middle East and among Muslims everywhere."

In a telephone press conference on Aug 18, Lt General Gard said, "We who Have served this country cannot stand by silently while the President and his spokespeople attack critics of their deeply flawed policies as ‘soft on terrorism'. The administration has repeatedly failed to seek diplomatic solutions to problems that are only inflamed by the use of military force. They need to start talking with Iranians immediately."

Harvard Professor of Poitical Science, Barney Hampton, made the following comments at a recent symposium on the Middle East. "George Bush is a lunatic. He is now the most dangerous man on the planet. He is seriously pursuing the goal of dropping a nuclear bomb on Iran, and would willingly obliterate the lives of millions of people, with the goal of conquering one of the world's richest supplies of oil, in his deluded quest for total global domination."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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