Cops seize Blair's passport as Cherie tans her cellulite

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 7 August 2006

image for Cops seize Blair's passport as Cherie tans her cellulite
Beached whale....Cherry Bush QC

Downing Street, London - (Ass-o-CIA-ted Mess): Officers from the Metropolitan Police's Anti-Corruption division investigating the bribes-for-honours scam that bagged Lord Levy last month have confiscated Tony Blair's passport, preventing him from joining the family at their Barbados holiday hideaway.

The move follows intense weekend spin from No 10 Downing Street claiming the Prime Monster had mereley delayed the start of his annual vacation at Garry Glitter's villa in Load-of-Old Cobblers Cove in the island's parish of St Robert Maxwell due to the worsening crisis in Lebanon.

But this official line began to wear thin last night as MI5 spooks refused to confirm or deny that Blair had been electronically tagged and confined to secure governmental premises while bribes-for-honours cops plan their next move.

This is believed to be centred around digging up Blair's back garden at his Trimdon Colliery constituency house, a Victorian double-fronted detached bijou property called 'My Rubella'.

It is understood that the move follows new clues in the Met's prolonged hunt for the IRA's Dissappeared, the thousands of UK public figures who were permanently removed from centre stage and stealthily replaced by Russian-born doppleganger lookalikes during the Margaret Thatcher and Ronnie Raygun/Bush1 years.

Meanwhile in Barbados, a bloated and be-cellulited Cherry Bush QC was spotted at the weekend, mercifully mostly covered up by a generously-crafted and amply-constructed swimming costume, somewhat reminiscent of standard supermarket packaging used in cook-'n'-chill ready-meals.

The UK press seems divided at the moment as to whether Mrs Blair had deliberately put on an extra 40 pounds especially for the photo-opportunities presented on her summer break or whether her new sartorial and lifestyle adviser had recently been suffering from acute myopia.

Pictures taken by papparazi with little else on their hands this weekend show Mrs Blair blissfully serene while taking in the warm carribean sunshine, tanning her best features and clutching her hands in prayer while facing east.

Close-up photo-enhancement details show that this is far from a religious gesture, however as Mrs Blair's fingers definitely appear to be crossed.

Only one photo has been released into the public domain this week followingprotests to the UK's Press Complaints Authority that other offerings from the papparazi were deemed too fat and squelchy for suitable family viewing.

But more newx is expected later in the week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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