Bush Launches Campaign to Bomb Britain

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Saturday, 12 August 2006

image for Bush Launches Campaign to Bomb Britain

Noting that Britain is becoming a "Haven for Al-Queda", George Bush announced, "Our War on Terror must continue", and began preparation for an intensive bombing campaign of the British Isles. The campaign will be modeled after his successful bombing of Iraq, killing 100,000 Iraqi civilians…making it 30 times more horrific than the attack on the World Trade Center.

"First we obliterated Afghanistan, because it was speculated that Osama bin Laden might be hiding there. But Osama got away. Then we devastated Iraq, because it was possible he was hiding there. This is the second major terror attack in England, so we can tell there are more terrorists hiding there," Bush stated.

Tony Blair, initially, tried to disuade Bush from the attacks, however eventually he annnounced "We are Bush's closest ally (and one of his only allies), so we must support him in his efforts."

"This is a new kind of enemy, and we are just learning how to fight it," Bush said, adding that he was not sure why global terrorism had tripled over the last 2 years. Iran recruited over 100,000 new suicide bombers following the US attack of Islamic Holy sites in Iraq.

Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, commented on the War On Terror, at a recent Congressional hearing:

"Bush is a crazy loon, who blew his brains out on cocaine when he was young. Only George Bush is crazy enough to use weapons of massive destruction to fight isolated cells of terrorists, who pass freely between borders, and who aren't beholden to any government."

He added, "The War On Terror has been used as an excuse to spend hundreds of billions of dollars on massive weapons systems such as aircraft carriers, jet fighters, missiles, and nuclear weapons…systems which couldn't possibly be used effectively to fight cells of terrorists, who sneak silently through the crowded streets of Baghdad, or discreetly plant bombs in subways, or jets. These are exactly the same types of weapons that were being developed to fight the Soviet Union….which at the time was a global superpower. With the collapse of the Soviet Union, there was a peace-time dividend, including closing a lot of military bases. However, this cut deeply into the profits of the military-industrial complex. As a former secretary of Defense, Dick Cheney is 'Daddy Warbucks', himself. By waving the flag, and shouting about the War on Terror, Cheney and his friends have convinced a large part of the public, that we will feel emotionally more secure, if we pass massive military spending bills, even if the weapons themselves can't possibly be used effectively, to fight terrorists."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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