Nursing Home Terrorist Captured

Funny story written by susan allen-rosario

Thursday, 24 August 2006

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"I'm not talkin' to those fools until I get what I want!"

Houston, Texas - Mabel Washington was fed up. She just couldn't take it any more. The time had come to make it stop, so she took matters into her own hands…

Texas swat teams were called in after nursing home resident; Mabel Washington held three dietary workers hostage and forced them to make Cobb salads for her entire unit. Armed with a box cutter, Mabel made her way into the kitchen demanding that all the boxes of uncooked Jell-O be dumped into the garbage and the salads be furnished to all the residents in her wing of the nursing home.

Apparently, Jell-O, a dietary favorite among most of the nursing home resident, was served one too many times to Ms. Mabel. "I never want to see Jell-O on my tray again," Mabel was reported to have stated. "They try to ‘dress' it up on the holidays, but they ain't foolin' me. For St. Patrick's Day they served green Jell-O with shredded corn beef and cabbage on top. It was nasty. Nasty all dressed up is still nasty. I needed to make a stand for fresh vegetables. We have had Jell-O for lunch and dinner everyday for two weeks. If they could figure out a way to serve Jell-O at breakfast, I think they would do it. Damn, I can see it now, ‘scrambled Jell-O'.

Mabel refused to speak with police negotiators until every box of Jell-O was destroyed and salads prepared. "I'm not talkin' to those fools, until I get what I want. They must meet my demands first, then I'll talk," she said.

Plumbers had to be called in when one of the dietary hostages dump the Jell-O into the sink and clogged the system. When the gelatin congealed, "Plugs up my plumin' too, damn stuff," Mabel reported.

When all Mabel's demands were met, she gave up without a struggle. The hostages say they will not press charges, because there was "no harm done". A representative from the management of the nursing home was not available for comment, but some of the residents have her "back".

"She's our hero, a true patriot, reminds me of the Boston Tea Party, only with Jell-O instead of Tea!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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