Pope laments latest Middle East ceasefire

Funny story written by queen mudder

Monday, 21 August 2006

image for Pope laments latest Middle East ceasefire
In traditional Yasser Arafat robes....

Vatican City - (Associated Mess): In his weekly address to the dwindling masses of his Pontifical Fan Club, Pope Joseph Ratzinger has bemoaned the latest Middle East ceasefire as being un-biblical and called for an immediate resumption of hostilities according to the Old Testament's sacrosanct 40 Year Rule.

Citing the Book of Easykill, His Wholiness warned of cataclysmic consequences if the traditional formula of mututal mass slaughter of innocent bystanders, civilians and conflict-unrelated collateral targets is ignored: "This could be bad.

"If peace suddenly breaks out again in the Holy Land, many of us could be out of a job.

"I need not spell out just the consequences of what sort of a disaster that would be for Jihadists of all fundamental persuasions, including my own."

His stark message has resounded across the world as Global Piss Process luminaries ponder the latest potential outcome of reconciliation between the warring factions of the southern Mediterranean countries to whom Yaweh once gave unlimited carte blanche for remoreseless mutual torment 'until the end of days.'

Ratzinger then called for people of all faiths to join him in a marathon prayer session later in the week to entreat the Almghty to work a miracle so that 'sense would prevail and lead to an orderly return to traditional hostilities as outlined in the Good Book.'

Shares in arms manufacturing corporations immediately soared to new heights on the world stock exchanges and executives in the US's Halliburton Corporation put in for immediate pay rises as the calculations for an immediate resumption of hostilities in Southern Lebanon and Northern Israel entered the odds-on arena once again.

At his home on the Crawford ranch in Wacko, Texas, President George W Bush was in buoyant holiday mood once again as the Pontiff's wise words rang out the kind of clear message that American Repulicans like to hear during the mid-term stages of second administrations.

Replying to reporters' questions, Mr Bush was unequivocal in his praise of Pope Ratzinger and told the massed whordes of the White House press corps who had folllowed him to his Texan holiday retreat that he would be inviting the Pontiff for an official State Visit just as soon as his own popularity ratings hit the all-time presidential rock-bottom equivalent of Richard Nixon's all-time low.

"I will be asking His Wholesomeness to join us on coast-to-coast prime-time to pray along with all those potentially redundant global arms manufacturers for an orderly return to the status quo in the Middle East, just like in days of yore," he said.

"And although things ain't too bad with the Iraqi clients, we cannot let complacency in key sites like Israel and Lebanon catch us unawares in the future."

No comments as yet have been reported from the Bush Administration's outreach workers at No 10 Downing Street as it is understood that the call-centre operatives are still on holiday at Cliff Richard's Barbados hideaway.

Ariel Sharon is fading fast.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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