MI5 Uncover Irish Link In Terror Plot

Funny story written by Billy Bureaucrat

Friday, 25 August 2006

image for MI5 Uncover Irish Link In Terror Plot
Fundamentalist Cleric Jack Hackett

Sources close to M15 have revealed that there may be an Irish connection to the alleged terror plot against US Aircraft flying from the UK.

While exact details remain somewhat vague at present, it is understood that two Irish Nationals were arrested and detained following a routine inspection in the Welsh Port of Holyhead having travelled from Dublin by van.

Further reports indicate that both suspects were in their mid thirties, wore long grey beards and loud clothing, neither had any travel documents and both seemed somewhat confused as to how they had ended up on a Ferry in the first place.

Officers at the scene reported a strong odour thought to be ethanol, this is still to be confirmed.

Both suspects were removed by RAF Helicopter to Paddington Green Police Station for interrogation, it has been confirmed that one of the suspects was violently ill during the flight.

Authorities are presently examining possessions seized from the suspects van, a white Ford Escort and have revealed that some items of interest have been discovered.

Anti-Terrorist Investigators confirmed that several gallons of a white clear liquid has been found and initial tests have indicated that this highly flammable liquid may have its origin in an organic substance similar to a potato.

Several bags of organic produce disguised as potatoes were also found as well as copper coiled tubing and a butane gas burner.

Technical Experts from the bomb squad have confirmed that the ordinance found in this raid could have taken out at least 10 aircraft.

It is also reported that some terrorist training videos were discovered among the suspects belongings, these included a video of three Fundamentalist Clerics with instructions on how to build a bomb and mount it on a Milk Float using a trigger device linked to the vehicles' accelerator.

Further examination of the video material revealed disturbing imagery of one of the clerics ranting and raving about women and alcohol, while not confirmed, it is understood that a man known as Jack Hackett used a known code word ‘feck' to signal attack. MI5 Anti-terror Operatives report that ‘feck' loosely translated in Arabic means ‘jihad'.

A spokesperson from The British Home Office, speaking on behalf of British Home Secretary, John Reid expressed horror at the latest developments.

He said a series of new security measures would now be implemented immediately at all Ports and Airports to counter this new threat.

These measures included a complete ban on the transport of potatoes or any other vegetables similar to them, all Milk Floats will be banned from entering the UK and Milk Floats already in the UK will be confiscated and destroyed.

The spokesperson reminded all involved to remain vigilant and paid tribute to the Security Services for uncovering this horrific plot, he went on to say that the suspects detained will be held until they can be fully questioned about their links with Al-Queda.

There may be some delay in this process as it is anticipated that it will take the Authorities about three days to declare the suspects sober enough to be questioned.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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