Lindsay Lohan hidden at Taco Bell
Lindsay Lohan,24, was recently reported missing just before her court date that was scheduled 3 days ago. "I figured she just went to a party somewhere. You know, to get her mind off things..." Says her ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson. "Although now...
Read full storyDear Michael Vick: I saw you play football today. I think you are good..
Dear Michael Vick: I saw you play football today on TV. I think you are good. My Daddy says you don't like doggies. I think that is bad. My Daddy said that it was cool to watch you play for the entire second half. He said you look like Randall Cunningham wearing the old-time uniforms. That made him happy. Here is what I think: If you ever, ever throw a ball on the op...
Read full storyH&R Block CEO Plans To Rearrange Deck Chairs on the Titanic by Decentralizing Field Leadership
Having absolutely nothing to do except watch his company's stock value take a sh-t on shareholders, H&R Block CEO Alan Bennett decides to move responsibility to local tax offices, shifting the responsibility (read: blame) for tanking the once-pro...
Read full storyThe new Afgan pop duo Obama & Osama have a smash hit in Afganistan
A visitor in Afganistan today cant avoid to hear the song that's on everybody's lips in Kabul. The new smash hit, Burn US burn , from the new duo Osama & Obama is the no 1 hit on all lists (actually the only one). With high pitched voices, sc...
Read full storyNick Cleggstatic with Pak Prez assurance that flood-aid distribution system is fool-proof. "I am the fool so there's your proof", says Mr. 10% Zardari.
Playing good cop to DaveCam's recent bad cop routine, Deputy Pretend PM Nick Clegg just back from his Pak-flood trip says he has been fully-assured by PM Mr. 10% Zardari that Pakistan has put in place a fool-proof system for flood-aid distribution.
Read full storyLongevity Scare
What started as a joke is becoming the scare story of the year. Mates Vlad Putin Russian Tsar and Savio Berlesconi, Italian Top Celebrity, were swapping jokes when the Italian was requesting funds to increase research into how to increase the average...
Read full storyIn demand - Politicians facing defeat in mid-terms hiring Spoof writers to tart up attack speeches against rivals
Incumbents facing fer-shure defeat in this year's US mid-term elections have been revving up their strategies to take on insurgent rivals. While attack ads and negative stories by 'independent supporters' have always been the norm, incumbents have u...
Read full storySuBo fanatics stage CD burning event!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies today staged a 'Burn a Lou Reed CD Day'. Fanatics from all over the US congregated in Florida for the event. "Well, I've never actually heard of this Lou Reed character until today, but I read that h...
Read full storyDelightful doggie is first ever Dux at Subo Uni
Skive News at 10 is delighted to bring you a heart warming story of a cute doggie daring to be the best. Abbey Gaile, registered with the Kennel Club (UK) as Belly go First Shoagy Boagy of Auchenshuggle Tattieboagle, has become the first Dux of th...
Read full storyParis Hilton States That She Is Going To Burn The Farmers' Almanac To Protest Illegal Crop Rotating
BEVERLY HILLS - Paris Hilton, who says that there is no one who looks more like Marilyn Monroe than her, called a press conference at her hair stylist's FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills. Paris said that all week she has been read...
Read full storyMegan Fox's Commercial Has Just Been Named "The Sexiest Lingerie Commercial of The Year"
NEW YORK CITY - The latest commercial from Megan Fox has just been named "The Sexiest Lingerie Commercial of The Year" by the highly reputable womens lingerie publication Sexy Thighs Illustrated Magazine. Foxy Megan appears in an Armani lingerie c...
Read full storyFederal Reserve Call Inflation Hawks: Scared Lil Bitches
The latest Federal Reserve minutes included a topic which simply stated "Nervous Pricks" According to sources, the Fed is more concerned about a genital herpes flare up than inflation. The minutes reveal a comment from an anonymous party statin...
Read full storyJapanese Whalers Use Kittens As Chum
As activist's approached a Japanese whaling vessel, the crew was stunned at what they saw: Poor innocent kittens attached to commercial grade hooks to entice whales. "These whalers have really stepped over the line!" said an angry protester nam...
Read full storyAfghanistan People Chant Death to America over Koran Burning?
Dr. Rev. Terry Jones decided to burn 200 Korans on 9/11 to get out the message that the Koran caused 9/11. For most Americans this seemed hard to believe because despite 9/11 and spending 5 trillion dolars fighting wars in Muslim Afghanistan and Musl...
Read full storyStudent Swears by All Things Holy, Church of Body Modification Exists
A high school student in Clayton, North Carolina has been suspended for wearing her nose stud to classes. According to the school dress code, body piercings are in direct violation of school policy, holy or not. The student and her mother are cont...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan is a robot
San Francisco, California. A prominent Berkely University scientist has claimed today that he has designed and constructed a life size robotic replica of Lindsay Lohan. The replicant moves round entirely independent of any external controls such as w...
Read full storyJohn Boehner Admits He Hates Poor People, Babies and Puppies
WASHINGTON, DC - Bob Schieffer, host of CBS's "Face The Nation" was able to get his guest, US Minority House Leader John Boehner, to admit that he and all Republicans hate poor people, babies, puppies and everything else that is not related to the we...
Read full storyRicky Hatton caught snorting again!
The World champion boxer was seen snorting outside the gym where he trains. Our reporter followed him into the gym and witnessed him snorting as he danced around the boxing ring. In a shameful act of defiance he came over to our reporter and snort...
Read full storyDoctor Hevitoffs consultancy magazine
Dear Dr Hevitoff, I have suffered from Scrotum Scrototis for two years now and wondered if there was a cure. Yours Hopefully Malcolm Mundane Malcom, this is a rare condition that effects serial masterbaters. Go to the chemist and ask for a jelly glove, use when playing the pink oboe. Dear Dr Hevitoff, Recently, I found a lump on my back that seems to be getting bigger, is this...
Read full storyDark Matter Found in 6-Month Old Fast Food Hamburger Patty
Physicist Moby Ustrip from Simi Valley, California has just published a scientific paper that is poised to set the world of physics on its ear. For years now, Ustrip has been studying the theory of dark matter first introduced in 1933 by Swiss astrop...
Read full storyPresident Obama Announces $376 Million Stimulus
Renovations have begun on the electrical wiring and plumbing of the White House, adding up to somewhere along the lines of $376 million. On-site construction administrators say the nearly century-old infrastructure is dangerous, but some are question...
Read full storyDemocrats, Republicans Agree to Raise Taxes on Poor
WASHINGTON, DC - After months of wrangling whether to raise taxes on the rich or lower taxes on the middle-class, Congressional Democrat and Republican leaders have agreed to introduce legislation to raise taxes on the poor. On today's "Meet The P...
Read full storyPope to Visit Children's Homes - Police Alerted
A huge security operation has been initiated following rumours that Pope Bendy Dick intends to visit several children's homes on his UK visit. Hundreds of CCTV cameras have been installed at each establishment and extra police deployed. The Vatic...
Read full storyNick Clegg's cock causes embarassment in Downing Street
Nick Clegg's cock is increasingly a cause of embarrassment within Number 10 Downing Street, this website can reveal. "It is enormous" said one female aide:"You walk into a room and, you know, there it is. It's very distracting because you can't conce...
Read full storyAmerican obesity linked to Chinese population
As any A-Level geography student knows, as long as they are not a member of the Flat Earth Society, China is directly opposite on the globe to the United States of America. This has lead one maverick biologist to come to a remarkable explanation for...
Read full storyDavid Beckham turns Mormon, takes Coleen Rooney as second wife
Becks has been a busy boy of late, he has been spotted running around wearing glasses and choosing push bikes for his ankle biters. He has returned to the pitch as well just recently for his footy team who play soccer, following a six month recovery...
Read full storyGhost Of Lincoln Boots Glenn Beck Out Of His Memorial
Glenn Beck returned quietly late at night after his speech at the Lincoln Memorial to gloat over his success. "I really had 'em in the palm of my hand!" he snickered to himself. The empty hall echoed smally his laughter. Empty, that is, save for another set of footsteps approaching. Beck frightened, turned to see a tall figure approaching him. The individual had a ghostly appearance. He had to...
Read full story"Ghost Busters" arrive at Ground Zero for their annual "Bash"!
Parallel to the official memorial services at Ground Zero another gathering of alternative groups is becoming very popular. Global "Ghost Busters", Buddhists, Hari Krishnas and other such groups also participated (albeit, on the Fringe) and the po...
Read full storyJennifer Thompson booked to do the Oxford Union next week
Jennifer Thompson, Wayne Rooney's close friend and confidante, has been booked to do the Oxford Union next week. Is this a move in keeping with the Union's usual modus operandi, to have the foremost personalities of the day speak to the intellectual...
Read full storyHidden Accounts find UK deficit
Auditors representing Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom and its Colonies (PLC) have released a statement overnight saying that they believe that they have found a substantial part of the UK economy deficit after forcing a number of...
Read full storyJennifer Thompson sacked by Manchester United
Jennifer Thompson, close friend of Wayne Rooney, has become one of the premiership's first high profile casualties. Appointed as physiotherapist to the club only days ago, as reported by this website, Jennifer Thompson was told to pack up her perf...
Read full storyKick Out The Jams, Obama Haters (Excuse Me, While I Kiss This Guy!)
LOS ANGELES - During a recent speech at Wisconsin's Laborfest, President Obama stunned an otherwise enraptured holiday audience with an off-the-cuff shout-out aimed directly at some of his more perpetually disgruntled critics within the overcrowded R…
Read full storyOn Consistency
'Terry, West Ham have lost again' 'But they are consistent, Penny. There is a pattern to their performances.' 'Sure' 'Have you noticed 3-0, 3-1, 3-0, 3-1. Beautiful, isn't it?' 'No Terry. It is 0-3, 1-3, 0-3, 1-3' 'Perhaps we should get a new Manager. He'll have to go soon if we don't improve.' 'Poor old Greenie had a bad day again.' 'It's tough' 'Anyway your prediction abo...
Read full storyGot giggy with it
Nature, at the very beginning, gave horse a forelock to swish away flies and insects. She, also, gave the horse a tail to constantly whisk away the blood sucking horse-flies from his sensitive testicles. Moreover, she granted the horse the ability to "shiver" the skin to get rid of flies landing on his body. Of course, man has supplemented nature's insufficiencies, such as 'fly repelling b...
Read full storySoccer club to assist players to choose the right wife or girlfriend
Prompted by recent relationship dramas amongst some of its players, Manchester United Football Club has taken the step of appointing a relationships guru. The purpose of this move is to help players pick partners who are more compatible and who are l...
Read full storySpecial Doggie Doo Creates Chia Pet Sculptures in Doggie Park
LAS CRUCES, New Mexico - Random chia pet sculptures have been mysteriously popping up at a local doggy park and, until now, no one knew how or why they were growing. Cute little sculptures of everything from Tweety Bird to SpongeBob SquarePants chia...
Read full storyKate Gosselin turns down role in adult film
America's Sweetheart and Mother From Hades, Kate Gosselin, has been very vocal in expressing her desires to try her backhand at acting instead of her kids' heads. Says Kate: "My career goals? Believe it or not, I've discovered that I've done enough y...
Read full storyTiger's Ex Dating Ann Heche
Freshly divorced Elin Nordegren has been romantically linked to on-again off-again lesbian Ann Heche, who is currently married to a man, but "is also exhibiting strong bi-sexual characteristics of late," according a psychiatrist for the teeny blonde...
Read full storyEmma Watson Farted At By Family Puppy
Consternation in America today, as Harry Potter actress Emma Watson, who played Hermione in the Harry Potter movies was farted at by a cuddly family pet dog named Abbie Gayle. A visibly shaken Miss Watson, who was vacationeering and studying sand...
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