Doctor Hevitoffs consultancy magazine

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Sunday, 12 September 2010


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Dear Dr Hevitoff,

I have suffered from Scrotum Scrototis for two years now and wondered if there was a cure.

Yours Hopefully
Malcolm Mundane

Malcom, this is a rare condition that effects serial masterbaters. Go to the chemist and ask for a jelly glove, use when playing the pink oboe.

Dear Dr Hevitoff,

Recently, I found a lump on my back that seems to be getting bigger, is this a wart?

Quasi Modo

Quasi, I think you have a lump, that could grow into a hump.
Contact Dr Esmerelda at the Notre Dame Hospital in Hackney, she specialises in this sort of thing.

Dear Dr Hevitoff,

My nose has swollen and does not seem to be going down, what do you suggest?

Yours faithfully

Roxanne, try running very fast into a lamp-post or become a pantomime dame.

Dear Dr Hevitoff,

I keep walking into things, like closed doors and bus stop sheds, whats wrong with me!


Stevie, either your glasses are steamed up or your blind you prat!

Next week I will be answering questions regarding problem vaginas and boils on the bum.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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