BT workers to be balloted on Strike Action
BT workers are to be balloted on strike action after the firm failed to meet a union-imposed deadline for improving the welfare conditions for external workers. There has been a long running dispute over 'worker to watcher' ratios; currently for e...
Read full storySky buys Virgin Media channels
Sky has announced that it will going legal with the sellers of the Virgin Media channels. The Board of Directors at BSkyB have expressed their disappointment (and we would guess embarrassment) at being ripped off over the deal. Once the sale ha...
Read full storyTony Hayward and Kristen Stewart Trade Media Gaffs Over a Beer
New Orleans International Airport - After rushing to get to the New Orleans International Airport for separate flights out, Kristen Stewart and Tony Hayward found themselves at a bar and grill and decided to sit down and compare notes on who had the...
Read full storyBP Changes Name of "Oil" to "Chocolate Fudge"
New Orleans - Oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico has been renamed "Chocolate Fudge" according to a BP press release today. "Oil" and "Petroleum" has negative associations for many people, say Tony Hayward, "But everyone loves Chocolate Fudge!"...
Read full storyPanic at the DVLA - No decision yet on next Registration Plate numbers
The Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency has admitted tonight that no decision has been reached regarding September's UK vehicle registration plates. The problem has arisen because the two-digit year sequence numbers on registration plates has now re...
Read full storyDisgruntled Tea Bag Party Members Form A Spin-Off Party Called The Diet Tea Bag Party
ABERDEEN, South Dakota - After dozens of out-of-control in-house fighting skirmishes a faction of the infamous Tea Bag Party has broken off from the main blob and formed a new more forward moving sphincter group called The Diet Tea Bag Party. [EDI...
Read full storyLady Gaga Admits She Loves Taylor Swift
Just when you think you have Lady Gaga pegged as a tough-skinned, rough edged, avant-garde artist who only does cool, she throws you for a loop. In a recent interview, Gaga was asked what song she was embarrassed to admit she likes and she picked...
Read full storyDerrick Bird Killings "Weren't Random" Say Police
Police today confirmed that Cumbria gun killer Derrick Bird in fact selected his victims "with care". Bird, who is said to be resting this weekend after a draining day on Wednesday, apparently sent out a questionnaire to prospective victims the week...
Read full storyAl Gore Seen Sniffing Around Barney Frank
In most marital breakdowns, there is usually someone else involved. In most cases it's a person of the opposite sex. This seems to be true regarding the announced separation involving Al Gore and his vivacious wife of 40 years, Tipper. In this cas...
Read full storyRio Ferdinand injury blamed on stray bullet from Cumbria
England captain and star of the classic BAFTA award winning TV show 'Rio Ferdinand's Wind-ups', Rio Ferdinand is out of the 2010 World Cup after suffering a freak injury. Ferdinand was stood on the edge of the penalty box in a training session wi...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Dumps Liam Hemsworth - "He Thinks He's All That"
TUCSON - Miley Cyrus traveled to Arizona in order to sell some property she purchased two years ago. Miley said that she also realized that she needed to get away from L.A. after breaking up with boyfriend Liam Hemsworth. She was asked what had...
Read full storyLetters to the Editor - from the Southern Colonies!
Myrtle Beach Fun Times Sahib: I recently moved here from New Delhi to get away from the heat, the crowds, the violence and slum dog millionaires. While it is true I have not met any Pakis since I have been here, I have to date not found a curry shop. Since being forced to exist on your cuisine of deep fried green tomatoes, oysters, pickles, chicken livers, pork chops and Krispy Cremes my fa...
Read full storyFamous Snide Satire Newspaper "The Onion" Publishes A True Story
The Onion, America's premier satire and humor newspaper shocked the literate world today by publishing an absolute true story(!!!) in an issue. We will take a pause now to let you catch your breath from the shock... OK, that was long enough.
Read full storyBo Derek Still Hot; John Corbett Stuck in Cicely, Alaska
The years have been kind to the woman synonymous with the rating of a perfect 10, but Bo Derek's love interest, a certain Mr. John Corbett, seems to be stuck in 1990's TV style hell. Still sporting the slightly disheveled dark hair look, a bit lo...
Read full storyPaul McCartney: "Bush Was a Flaming Pile of Bumfluff."
Conservative lap dog and House Minority Leader John Boehner is asking the greatest contemporary composer, Sir Paul McCartney, after the former Beatle took a shot at ludicrous boob President Bush during a recent White House ceremony. McCartney was...
Read full storyWorld Cup Team Prepares but England Star Axed from Squad
Up and coming star David Laws is to be left out the England 2010 team. That was the news which stunned fans this week as the boys prepared for their first deficit-reduction match against Greece over the rest of this year. Laws had been widely expe...
Read full storySunny Stories
A spirit of optimism is sweeping the country following the establishment of a Coalition Government. The new mood is everywhere, with the media leading the way. The 'Daily Mail' is joining with their pals at the 'Guardian' to publish the 'Guardian...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Says She Is Very Sorry About Her Stupid Ass Rape Remark
LOS ANGELES - The star of The Twilight Saga vampire movies Kristen Stewart has issued an apology apologizing about having made some way out of line remarks. Stewart reportedly said to a reporter for Great Britain's Elle Em En Ooh Pee Magazine that...
Read full storyNew Wizard Of Oz With Dakota Fanning, Adam Lambert In 3D!
News today was that there is the possibility of a completely new Wizard of Oz that follows the original in story form, but in quite a different setting. For one thing, the "Kansas" scenes will still be in black & white but once Dorothy gets to...
Read full storyBritish Offshore Banking Facility Springs Leak, Money Everywhere
Hong Kong - It seems British conglomerates are having their fair share of problems these days with uber expensive leaks. There appears to be no end in sight to the BP oil spill off the southern coast of the United States which has now reached catastr...
Read full storyGary Coleman's body to remain in fridge with condiments
Gary Coleman dainty little corpse will continue to be stored next to the potato salad in a Utah fridge, because his funeral has been put on hold due to a family feud. Gary's ex-wife Shannon Price , the woman who continues to victimize Coleman even...
Read full storyMcDonald's France provides equal-opportunity coronary fodder
After over a half-century of heterosexist bias in marketing myocardial infarctions cleverly disguised as food, international fast food giant McDonald's launched a history-making advertising campaign in France targeting the gay and gay-allied market.
Read full storyBritish TV Presenter Kristy Gallacher Poses Nude For PlayGent Magazine
LONDON - British TV Presenter Kristy Gallacher, who only five months ago had a baby, has graced the glossy pages of PlayGent Magazine. The stunning 34-year-old beauty is one of the best looking lookers in Great Britain's TV presenting business.
Read full storyLetters to the editor Scottish version
Dear Sir Smile though your heart is aching Why is Nick Clegg looking so glum? He sits next to his new best friend, the Prime Minister, at PMQ's but he does not appear to participate. The Prime Minister throws his old Etonian jokes back at the Labour Party and sometimes the jokes are funny. Nick doesn't laugh. Is he playing both sides at the same time? Perhaps he is still hiding his fu...
Read full storyHeskey is an Algerian Mafia Spy!
Sensational news has just been revealed, in that Emile Heskey, the man that many did not want to travel with the England squad to the World Cup Finals, is in the pay of the Algerian mafia. Although generally classed as a donkey when it comes to fo...
Read full storyThe Sickest, Stupidest Contestant To Ever Appear On America's Got Talent Is Jeremy "The Genital Daredevil" Kinison
HOLLYWOOD - America's Got Talent has just entered into its fifth season and we can safely say that we have just witnessed without a doubt a person who is the sickest, stupidest contestant to ever set foot on the AGT performing stage. The fellas na...
Read full story"Extra Virgin" Label On Olive Oil, Women Being Looked Over
Hold your crotch until we can get through the "Extra Virgin" label on olive oil first. If you've noticed the terms "extra virgin, virgin, cold-pressed, lemon flavored and pure" on the olive oil at the grocery, what does it all mean? "You have...
Read full storyCrisis talks on Gulf
Miami, Florida. In what are expected to be important talks crucial to solving the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico, Duchess Sarah Ferguson, Islamist leader Osama Bin laden, Peewee Herman, Tiger Woods and Sir David Attenborough will sit down and thrash ou...
Read full storyWife: Film Company Caused David Carradine To Die While Masturbating with a Rope Around His Neck
Bored, alone, David Carradine decided to watch porn and play with whatever popped up. David Carradine's wife is suing the production company of the movie he was shooting when he died, claiming the company should never have left David alone with a...
Read full storyLetters to the Chief Resident Psychiatrist
Dear Dr. Morgenstern, I believe that over these past 6 months, I have proven my mental stability, social adaptability and feel that I no longer pose a threat to the woodland creatures of Yellowstone National Park. As I've demonstrated in our private and group sessions, I do not feel the least bit attracted to Elk, Moose, or Grizzly Bears anymore, and though, admittedly, I still have a slight...
Read full storyPresident Obama Encouraged To Imitate Jeremiah Wright
Supporters of President Barak Obama say that he should blast away before cameras about what BP is doing to the southern United States with the oil spill. "My word", stated Al Gore yesterday, "he should be letting it all hang out..like I did when t...
Read full storySpelling Causes Global Warming
National Spelling Bee. Chanting "Enuf is enuf. Enough is too much." protesters surrounded the Hyatt Hotel in Washington D.C. to display their anger at the dual whammy of atmospheric degradation and mental illness caused by spelling rules. Many of t...
Read full storyLamplugh killer Derrick Bird killed local estate agent
Cumbria - (MDMA Mess): Detectives were today tracing the 'E'-shaped trail taken by deranged Cumbria cabbie Derrick Bird's path of carnage. Starting with the fatal shooting of twin brother David at High Trees farm in Lamplugh the rampaging killer...
Read full storyAl Gore's Block Rockin' Beats
Author, businessperson and American environmental activist, Albert Arnold "Al" Gore, announced today that he is to dip his toe in to the world of music we call pop. Mr Gore says that he found his inspiration and realised his musical talents whilst...
Read full storyBlow Me I'm Easy
EasyJet is now the UK's National Airline - Figures published by the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) this week, show that EasyJet is the UK's largest scairline, measured by the number of passengers blown for the second year in a row. In 2009 over 28 bi...
Read full storyDems bunker up, say they will not vacate office if Tea Party candidates beat them in elections
DEMOCRATIC CAMPAIGN HQ, WASHINGTON D.C. - (ABSNN) -- With the national elections only six months away, and incumbent Democrats facing an angered electorate, members of the Democratic Campaign Headquarters in Washington D.C. proposed a drastic plan to...
Read full storyDerek Acorah buys his favourite restaurant
Derek Acorah is set to run his own restaurant in the Rojales district in Spain. Called Viloriens he has been visiting the restaurant for nearly two decades, and on hearing that it was too close, he stepped in and bought the concern outright. "M...
Read full storyAsh is Easy Sniffer
Ashley Cole has secretly been retained by EasyJet to identify clouds of pumescent eruptions in Europe..he is to be trialled in the cock-pit of a redesigned Jumbo Jet. It is thought that when he smells the pumice he will develop an "Ash Cone" which...
Read full storyNorth Korea Near War With South Korea!
A North Korean envoy said on Thursday that war could erupt at any time on the divided Korean peninsula because of tension with those "arsy hose" in Seoul over the sinking of a South Korean warship this past March. "The situation is very brave. It...
Read full storyReading School of Reading to clarify pronunciation
For many years, the Reading School of Reading has been the butt of jokes. Located on the outskirts of Reading, many people see the sign and wonder if it is pronounced as the REDding school of REEDing or the REEDing school of REDding. Now the new d...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Wants His Life Back
It has been years since Glenn Beck has been able to wake up in the morning, take a shower and relax with a cup of coffee and a Danish (his wife doesn't know about the Danish yet) and pore over the morning paper without his name getting smeared somepl...
Read full storyVictoria Secret Miraculous Push-Up Bra nominated for Optical Illusion Contest
Since Victoria Secret launched its new line of the Miraculous Push-Up, women and transvestites across the US have been rushing to their local VS store or perusing the selections on their website. This bra not only has the ability to increase your bu...
Read full storyCowell to intervene in Gulf oil spill fiasco
The renowned media-mogul Simon Cowell is considering a personal intervention in the Gulf oil crisis. He is thought to be negotiating with God for a cast iron, copper-bottomed guarantee of success, otherwise the deal is off. Cowell's spokesperson s...
Read full storyLady GaGa 'gagging for it' at Crossbow Cannibal tribute gig
Manchster - (Bloody Cheek Mess): "Eat yer heart out, Manchester!" was last night's gory theme at Lady GaGa's MENtal Arena cannibal tribute gig. A vampiristic rendition of Janis Joplin's classic Piece of My Heart stunned concertgoers who watched in...
Read full storyPope Disappears. Kidnapped?
The Vatican has announced the disappearance of Pope Benedict XVI. Papal spokesman, Cardinale Pippo Stronzopieno, said that he doubted that the Pontiff's corporal entity simply assumed into heaven. "Dat, no mak-a dee sens. He no-a go uppa to dee he...
Read full storySusan Boyle Raving Loonie sculptress scores 100% at art college
This writer has learned that Luz of McLuz, Susan Boyle fan and extremely accomplished sculptress, has achieved the rare distinction, of being awarded a grading of 100% for her Susan Boyle sculpture, in her second year college assessment. It is not...
Read full storySir Captain Picard Ties One On
In the wee hours Wednesday a man atop Big Ben was apprehended for disturbance of the peace and criminal trespass. As the man was rushed away by police he was heard shouting, "dammit Scotty beam me up". A reliable source, within the police ra...
Read full storyFeds Consider Idea to Seal Oil Well with Nukes First Proposed on TheSpoof.com
In a recent "news" story, a writer for TheSpoof.com suggested that BP "drop Bruce Willis into Gulf to detonate nuke, stop leak." Well, Federal officials are obviously reading, 'cuz they actually thought about trying it!! Well, not really. Energy Depa...
Read full storyPresident Obama Rejects Fear Of Kangaroos - After Cancelling Australian Visit, Again
President Obama has again postponed a visit Australia, which was due later this month. The first cancellation came in March where he says the passing of Health took a long and hard push, but a priority. Today he's blaming Oil in the Gulf of Mex...
Read full storyKindles Dance in Streets of NY, Mock Cheaper Rivals
It was meant for human pedestrians, but yesterday the Times Square Pedestrian Mall in New York City was taken over by pedestrians of the machine variety. Kindles, Amazon's electronic readers, staged a protest to warn the public against buying any of...
Read full storyChad Ochocinco Scores With Dancing With The Stars' Cheryl Burke
CINCINNATI - The star receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals Chad Ochocinco was in Cincy and his Dancing With The Stars partner was in Vegas but "85" says that the two will be together soon. While on DWTS Chad showered Cheryl with very, nice, expensi...
Read full storyDid "The Duchess of Pork" Sleep With Two Blokes For $450,000
LONDON - Fresh on the heels of her undercover sting operation now comes the latest allegations from the soap opera world of Sarah Ferguson, alias "The Duchess of York," who some are now referring to as "The Duchess of Pork." One of the world's mos...
Read full storyFormer UCLA Coach John Wooden, 99, dies.
Former UCLA Coach John Wooden, 99, died this morning at UCLA Medical Center. Wooden's health has been an issue in recent weeks, as he was briefly hospitalized about a month ago, a school source said. Wooden won 620 games during his career, which b...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Pleads "I Just Want to be Normal"
Rush Limbaugh is getting married for the fourth time this weekend and he wants privacy. So much so that he wrote the following to Page2Live in Palm Beach: "We try to live our lives as normal people. We do NOT seek media attention, we do not want it, especially for this. It is very special, obviously, and we just don't want any media attention." Try to read that paragraph without laughing out...
Read full storyBP Brilliant New Plan
BP executives declared today at a hastily scheduled press conference, that they have begun working on a "new plan." Since they have been unsuccessful in stopping oil flow into the Gulf of Mexico, they have begun working on a plan to remove the se...
Read full storyDerrick Bird Was Involved in Taxi Investigation
Gunman Derrick Bird, who slaughtered 12 people in a Cumbrian shooting spree was embroiled in a major investigation into an undeclared £60,000 taxi and was facing serious financial difficulties, a friend has said. The friend said today that he did...
Read full storyAl Gore Volunteers To Cap BP Gulf Gusher
Al Gore, distraught after separating from his wife Tipper, has reached a "Tipping Point" in his life, the Spoof can reveal. In an exclusive interview, the veteran politician and climate campaigner says that he fears he will never find his "Holy Grail...
Read full storyPepe's Car Wash Opens in Los Angeles California
Los Angeles CA: Entrepreneurship is alive and well in the USA. A new idea employing an age old calling has taken shape in the SMOG capitol of the world, combining cars, food, and adult entertainment. Pepe Smith has purchased a closed fast food res...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Has Glaucoma!
In case anyone has been worrying how Lindsay Lohan has been doing with her alcohol-sniffing bracelet and drug checks, she is doing fine. Police in Los Angeles say that she has been checked at ramdom twice already and has came through great. "Sh...
Read full storySarah Palin Blames Drill Baby Drill Comments on Evil Twin
Wasilly, AK - Finally, what the American people have been waiting for from Sarah Palin, the truth. No longer do we have to guess why she would backtrack on her famous "Drill, Baby, Drill" comment when, in fact, it wasn't she who said it. "I h...
Read full storyCupid Shot Down Over Local Farm; Mistaken For Wild Goose
Mobile, Alabama -- In a development that's sending shockwaves around the world, Cupid has been hospitalized after sustaining a shotgun blast to his left buttocks region today. "How the hell was I supposed to know what it was?" farm hand Billy Grey...
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