Glenn Beck Wants His Life Back

Written by Charpa93

Friday, 4 June 2010

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It has been years since Glenn Beck has been able to wake up in the morning, take a shower and relax with a cup of coffee and a Danish (his wife doesn't know about the Danish yet) and pore over the morning paper without his name getting smeared someplace therein. "Glenn Beck did this, and Glenn Beck said that, on and on," complains Beck. "Just once I'd like to read the paper without it being about me all the time. I want my life back."

Well, Glenn may get his wish. During his television show yesterday, before he could even get the words socialism and Obama out, his producer cut to a commercial. Yep, right in the middle of the rant.

Not so long ago, Fox News Channel would cut away from breaking news or (gasp) a televised appearance of the president to air Beck's show, but those days have gone bye-bye buddy, as Beck would say. Beck's show no longer brings in the revenue to support such a decision. In fact, about the only advertisers still with Beck are gold dealers, gun dealers and used car lots.

Could it be that Beck's rants are too much even for those who air his show? Could it be that Beck is way too far out there even for those who are way too far out there? Could it be that people are finally seeing Beck for the crazed lunatic that he is? Nah, they just wanted to see that funny commercial about the gecko again. You can never get enough gecko.

And what about the millions of viewers who've missed work and life events like babies being born and grandparents dying while they sat in front of the television to hear Beck go on and on and on about the most inane things. Maybe they'd like their lives back too. Maybe, just maybe, the earth can again spin on its axis without first consulting Glenn Beck.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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