The Vatican has announced the disappearance of Pope Benedict XVI. Papal spokesman, Cardinale Pippo Stronzopieno, said that he doubted that the Pontiff's corporal entity simply assumed into heaven. "Dat, no mak-a dee sens. He no-a go uppa to dee heaven-a. Eet wuzza kidnapp-a," he accused.
The College of Cardinals tried to convene an emergency meeting within the Sistine Chapel, but Japanese tourists threw them out. Instead, the cardinals ate a hearty meal at Da Piperno where they voted to have choirs of angels and archangels assist Interpol in the Holy Search. The white smoke, registering their concordance, was greeted with cheers from the worried masses congregating in the nearby piazza. Unfortunately, the little fire that was started to create the smoke, enveloped Piperno who is in ICU at Due Gemelli Ospedale in critical condition.
Insiders, within the Vatican, believe that Benedict was purloined by the Dutch Secret Police who were stymied in their investigation into the abduction and murder of Rameses Trojani, the creator and designer of the controversial Benedictine Condom.
