Kristen Stewart Says She Is Very Sorry About Her Stupid Ass Rape Remark

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 4 June 2010

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A photograph of Kristen Stewart's brand new puppy which she named "Vampire."

LOS ANGELES - The star of The Twilight Saga vampire movies Kristen Stewart has issued an apology apologizing about having made some way out of line remarks.

Stewart reportedly said to a reporter for Great Britain's Elle Em En Ooh Pee Magazine that the constant hounding by the paparazzi is so horrible that at times it makes her feel as if she is being raped and no one is there to stop it, since everyone is so busy saying look here, look her, and look there and horrible flashes are constantly going off in her gorgeous face.

She was asked if she really and truly believed that being hounded by the entertainment media was really comparable to being sexually violated. Kristen teared up and said that she now realizes that she made a dumb, stupid ass remark.

She compared it to the remarks by America's three stooges, Georgie, Dicky, and Donnie, when the three spent an afternoon concocting the cockamamie story about there being weapons of mass destruction in Iraq simply to get the backing of the American people, which they did, wrongly as hell.

But the three twits did it and pulled it off, until the media saw right through their politically motivated veil of lies and showed America and the world that the three little "boys" were caught with their lying little hands in the cookie jar.

Kristen has stated that she is going to be making a donation to the American Council of Downright Lying to show that she totally gets it and knows in her heart of hearts and her liver of livers that she was completely wrong.

She said that she hopes people will not take it out on her by not going to see her new movie The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, or by not purchasing her soon to be published book, Once In A While I Truly Feel Like I'm Really A Damn Vampire and Feel Like Sucking On Something.

In other news. Rumors that President Obama plans to gather up the Louisiana tar balls and ship them to be stored in the Arizona desert have, as yet, not been verified.

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