England captain and star of the classic BAFTA award winning TV show 'Rio Ferdinand's Wind-ups', Rio Ferdinand is out of the 2010 World Cup after suffering a freak injury.
Ferdinand was stood on the edge of the penalty box in a training session with no one anywhere near him when he suddenly collapsed clutching his knee and began rolling about on the floor in agony.
At first all the other England players just stood there laughing as they believed the first player to run to his aid would be the victim of one of Rio's crazy wind-ups. Half an hour later, while Rio was still lying on the floor and apparently having difficulties breathing, Manchester Utd team mate Wayne Rooney tried to help his captain back to his feet but noticed there were several pints of blood pouring from Ferdinand's left knee.
Fingers were immediately pointed in the direction of Emile Heskey who defended himself by saying it couldn't be him because he was too busy picking himself up off the floor at the time, as usual. The other players agreed Heskey was shit so decided to call upon the detecting skills of super sleuth Fabio Capello to solve the mystery.
Capello strolled over to the scene of the crime and surveyed the grass surrounding the body of the unlucky captain. He squinted, mumbled something in Engtalian then bent down to pick up a small silver object. It was a bullet. Not any bullet but one that could only be purchased in a small village in a country far, far away.
He pulled out his magnifying glass and read the inscription on the bullet. 'Property of Frank's 24 hour Cheap Booze and Gun Shop, Whitehaven, Cumbria.'
'A-ha' thought Capello, 'Zis all finally makes sense'
Capello surmised that a bullet fired from a gun in the North West of England had somehow missed it's intended target and incredibly travelled nearly 6,000 miles to a football training ground in South Africa. He believed that it had travelled on a mythical path that he recently thought did not exist until he witnessed the miracle with his very own eyes.
The 'Trajectory of Lampard Penalty' as he named it states that a projectile struck with force becomes invisible to the human eye once it misses its intended target. Where this projectile ends up is a complete mystery as the observer is usually staring at the inside of his/her forearms so never observes where it is finally laid to rest. Therefore in theory the projectile could have travelled just 6 metres or could have continued for 6,000 miles until it finally strikes an inanimate object.
South African police immediately set off in hot pursuit of the culprit but later found that he was already dead so arrested a 21 year old man from North London instead.
Theo Walcott is set to appear before magistrates next week charged with not being a central defender so still won't be selected for Capello's World Cup squad.
