Written by Linius

Friday, 4 June 2010

image for Ash is Easy Sniffer
Ash's Eruption covers Europe

Ashley Cole has secretly been retained by EasyJet to identify clouds of pumescent eruptions in Europe..he is to be trialled in the cock-pit of a redesigned Jumbo Jet.

It is thought that when he smells the pumice he will develop an "Ash Cone" which will erupt to cause the pumice to change the local ecosystem creating an "Ashfall" this can solidify and lead to fertilisation when it lands... women in Northern Europe are being told to stay indoors while the trials are being held, If they cum in contact it will cause "tuff muff" as the magma is intrusive, If "Ash" erupts it can lead to breathing problems and malfunctions in machinery,body function and clouds of it can threaten aircraft and alter weather patterns.

Therefore, people should take caution to filter the air they breathe with a damp cloth or a face mask when facing an ashfall. Ash is very dense. he knows not what he does.

An erectile fall of 300 millimetres (12 in) leads to the death of most vegetation, livestock, the wiping out of aquatic life in nearby lakes and rivers, and unusable roads. Accompanied by rain and lightning, ashfall leads too pervert outages, (Catholic)excommunication, and disorients people.

an unidentified Norwegian Scientist said :

"When Ash deposits on the ground after he erupts is known as "Ashfall Deposit". Significant accumulations of ashfall can lead to the immediate destruction of most of the local ecosystem, as well the collapse of roofs on man-made structures. Over time, ashfall can lead to the creation of fertilisation;

Though in 1902, the city of St. Pierre in Martinique was destroyed by an unstoppable pyroclastic flow from Grandad Cole.... which killed over 29,000 people.

Ashfall can also become cemented together to form a solid rock called tuff. Over geologic time, the ejection of large quantities of ash can produce an Super Ash Cone as big as Montezuma, then we will all be fucked.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Ashley Cole, volcano

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