McDonald's France provides equal-opportunity coronary fodder

Funny story written by Amethyst Ryder

Friday, 4 June 2010

image for McDonald's France provides equal-opportunity coronary fodder
Don't ask, just sell: McDonald's has a burger for everyone.

After over a half-century of heterosexist bias in marketing myocardial infarctions cleverly disguised as food, international fast food giant McDonald's launched a history-making advertising campaign in France targeting the gay and gay-allied market.

The advertisement, one in a series carrying the theme "Come As You Are," depicts a gay teenager smiling knowingly when his father casually comments that it's too bad his son attends an all-boys school, because in a mixed school he could "get all the girls."

"It was simple common sense," said a spokesperson for McDonald's. "The desire for a grease-oozing hunk of thrice-processed rainforest cattle slathered with mayo and slapped on a spongy facsimile of bread transcends the boundaries of sexual orientation. Our advertising should reflect that universal appeal."

Not everyone was happy with the new advertisement. "It's misleading and deceptive," stated American pundit Lush Dimball. "It makes it look like some French homo is really going to eat a red-blooded American burger with fries, when we all know that homosexuals eat stuff like salads and grilled salmon and fancy wines."

"Gay people are just like everyone else," countered a long-time customer of the fast food franchise over a supersized box of fries. "Not everyone has time to cook, and it's very narrow-minded to suppose that only Americans--or straight people--can enjoy a good quarter pounder with cheese."

"More unites us than divides us," agreed another customer, whose sexual orientation could not be determined.

"McDonald's really is the great leveler of difference," said consumer advocate Taylor Pierre. "Gay or straight, after a quarter century of quarter pounders with cheese you'll all be in the same position: lying flat with a lily in your hands."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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