Jessica Simpson Takes Credit For The Dallas Cowboys Victory
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jessica Simpson, the ex-girlfriend of Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, has told her next door neighbor Truman Rasmussen that she is taking credit for the Cowboys victory over the Oakland Raiders 24-7. "Tits" as Rasmussen aff...
Read full storySpoof Writer Skoob1999 Thought Wearing Women's Lingerie Was Cure For His Swine Flu
Popular Spoof writer Skoob1999 was photographed going out for the paper in an embarrasing state of undress. The humorist and organized labor rabblerouser was seen wearing only a pink, lacey teddy by neigbors and other passerbys. Within minutes, he...
Read full storyDead sheep wheeled into Supermarket
The RSPCA today hit out at youths who put a dead sheep into a shopping trolley and wheeled it into a Tesainsda store in south-east London. Staff at the store have named the animal 'Tesainsda's Finest Best Lamb Chops', and it is thought to have been r...
Read full storyCuba Is Preparing For An Invasion By The United States
HAVANA - Cuban President Raul Castro, Fidel's baby brother, has placed the entire island on notice of an impending military invasion by the United States. Castro, speaking on Cuban TV's equivalent of The Jerry Springer Show, El Cho de Geraldo Lava...
Read full storyMTV's Tila Tequila Says Her Boyfriend Shawne Merriman Has A Very Weird and Embarrassing Fetish
SAN DIEGO, California - Singer, model, MTV personality Tila Tequila has revealed that her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman has a very weird as well as embarrassing fetish. The Singapore native said that Shawne consumes up t...
Read full storyTiger Woods Seriously Injured In Wreck, Following Argument
WASH 5 News in Florida is saying that golfer Tiger Woods was injured when he hit a fire hydrant and then a tree outside his Isleworth home early on Friday morning. The Florida Highway Patrol said Woods was injured in the crash, which took place at...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Jealous of Joe Biden's Man Boobs
United States First Lady Michelle Obama admits that she is jealous of Vice President Joe Biden and his man boobs. She said in confidence to a White House staffer that "I really ought to have the biggest tits and be the biggest boob in the White Hous...
Read full story'Arbeit Macht Fries': Fast food outlet opens at Auschwitz concentration camp
Fast food conglomerate MacDiddly announced today that they are opening a restaurant in what might be the unlikeliest of venues - Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland. The camp, which saw the extermination of hundreds of thousands of Polish politic...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Tossed Off GMA But Chris Brown OK!
Apparently kissing a guy on the stage is out but beating the crap out of someone is overlooked. ABC's Good Morning America, which canceled Adam Lambert's guest appearance last week, say Chris Brown will be allowed to respond to a tape from Rihanna...
Read full storySwine Flu Incapacitates Spoofer
The dreaded H1N1 swine flu virus has finally penetrated the inner sanctum of satirical website TheSpoof.com, leaving Spoof writer Skoob1999 in a desperate struggle to hang on to life itself. As Skoob is a member of this Spoof reporting team, we fi...
Read full storyWhite House Party Crashers to Adopt "Balloon Boy"
The fake DC socialites who penetrated security to crash a White House state dinner may be headed for a penitentiary. Michaele and Tareq Salahi-who somehow tricked their way into President Obama's black-tie gala for the prime minister of India-"wi...
Read full storyAl Gore Linked to Ice Age, Extinction
ROSWELL, NM - The occurrence of multiple Ice Age periods has been well documented. However, Global Warming "activists" have been strangely silent about the phenomenon. Some suspect the shift to using the phrase "Climate Change" is a distraction. Y...
Read full storySanta Says Obama To Stay On Naughty List
Santa Claus admitted in an interview after the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade that United States President Barack Obama will remain on the naughty list for another year. "I don't want anyone to make anything racial out of this," said that Jolly Ol...
Read full storyO' Halloran - Murder with a Capital Punishment - Part 3
Previous Chapters: Part 1|Part 2 Part 3 "You brought O' Halloran into the case?! Are you fucking crazy???!!!" Lieutenant Kowalski is close to exploding as he slams his fist on the desk, sending pieces of cheeseburger spilling across the floor. Robo female cop has just informed her boss about O' Halloran and he's pissed. Well, he was pissed before she told him - he always liked to...
Read full storyTerminator Terminated! Agent Pouchedmouth In Charge
Not only does California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger park his little sports car in a tow-away zone and he and his wife talk on their cell phones while driving, it seems he's been skipping his tax payments also, according to a report out today by t...
Read full storyDoctor Confirms Smoking Is Good For You
Scientist, and man who know's what it's about, Dr Angram Philchpott has categorically stated, so it must be true, that certain things that at first were thought bad are infact good for you. Things like smoking, which are generally accepted to be f...
Read full storyUK admits "The recession is worse than we thought" even Gordon Brown overdraws his creditcard by 2 Million!
The UK has at last admitted to the fact that the recession is much worse than thought! Well, everybody knew that the UK lives on "PUMP" creditcards, disgustingly high house prices and over-inflatory prices generally. A normal worker earns 15 -...
Read full storyOprah To Run For President In 2012!
So now we understand why Oprah Winfrey has decided to end her popular daytime show after almost 25 years! It's to run for President of the United States! Many people who saw the Obamas on Oprah two years ago saw how out of her way Oprah went to...
Read full storyIrish Catholic Priests shock the Pope by acting straight and normal!
Irish Catholic Priests have shocked the world by admitting, "we have never played with little kiddies willies!" They even went as far as announcing that they were "straight", had female cleaning "bonking" partners and anybody who accuses them of...
Read full storyA North Carolina Senator Has An Amazing Answer To The National Health Care Issue
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - Senator Kazoo Mickler, Republican from North Carolina, was in town as the featured guest speaker at the Annual Tar Heel Textile Mill Managers Convention. Senator Mickler is spearheading a unique national health care pro...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham Has The Biggest Bunions In All Of The United Kingdom
MANCHESTER - Victoria Beckham in town visiting her aunt Olivia and uncle Talcott was photographed wearing sandals and the photos revealed that she has two humongous bunions. Victoria was asked by Brinley Burntwick, a reporter for The Manchester Mo...
Read full storyMan Sells His Identity on eBay…. Sued For Fraud
An elderly man has been sued by a disgruntled customer of eBay after purchasing the man's identity from the web site. The seller, Mr T.J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC has told investigators from eBay that he had done nothing wrong. "If anything" Mr. Mc...
Read full storyCan Cannes Can The Can-Can?
A secret movie, filmed in the 1920s has caused the movie and dance world to feel 'equal earthquakes of excitement'. The tewlve second epic shows black and white footage of ten ladies lined up and in a synchronosed manner, kicking their legs up, i...
Read full storyParis Hilton Sells Her Farts
In what can only be described as a revolution, hotel heiress Paris Hilton has 'bottled her bottom burps'. "People love my fragrances, so I'd thought that I'd give them something more personal", explained Ms Hilton. During the fictitious interview,...
Read full storyBeckham caught having a fiddle
Los Angeles, California. Football idol, David Beckham, has been spotted masterbating during the half time break of a major US league game. Witnesses say that the living legend had his trunks around his ankles and was really "going for it" in the neth...
Read full storyNick Clegg Reveals New Lib-Dem Logo - A Turd
'Angry-but-pointless' Lib-Dem leader Nick Clegg announced today that the party was to undergo a complete relaunch in keeping with aims for the general election early next year. "We in the Liberal Democrat Party always believe in echoing the views...
Read full storyPhelps in trouble with law
Los Angeles, California. The entire nation of the USA has been shocked to learn today that swimmer Michael Phelps has been arrested for cheating on his girlfriend. In unprecendented scenes, County police have used an old Puritan law still on the...
Read full storyBrunei's Prince Jefri Archer 'owes Dubai shaikhs $10 million'
Dubai - (Repo Man Cometh): Fugitive from UK justice Prince Jefri Archer is being pursued by Dubai bailiffs for the return of $10 billion owed to the McTomb-Raider clan of shaikhs. Jefri, 69, borrowed the money to replace a gaping black hole in Bru...
Read full storyPremiership bankruptcies loom as players sink under Dubai debt
London - (Rioters): The Dubai ponzi crash is threatening to bankrupt some of the UK Premier League's top players. Dozens daft enough to have bought into the Emirate's holiday homes scam face the repo man as Emirate debt collectors begin calling i...
Read full storyAdam Lambert - "Gordon Brown Fisted Me"
He may have been the runner-up in American Idol, and the centre of controversies including 'that kiss', but glam rocker Adam Lambert has run into a new storm over allegations in his soon-to-published autobiography. In the book, Lambert claims that...
Read full storyI'm a celebrity, get me out of here! scandal: predator versus predator.
Before the next series of "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!" was planned producers were warned by aboriginal natives that there would be a stalker in the jungle. Of course, Ant & Dec thought they knew what the aborigines meant because they kn...
Read full storyBordello falls....Epilogue
The dust kicked up as I staggered into the dilapidated ransacked wooden town following the train tracks long disused, weeds pushing up through the now irregularly spaced sleepers. I pushed my way through a collapsed chain link fence into the town, and headed down the main street. A creaking sign hanging above a partially collapsed building told me I had finally arrived at Bordello Falls. There...
Read full storyGlobal Warming is renamed - again.
For years, scientist warned of the effects of increased GHG (Greenhouse Guff) on the climate of the planet. Increased temperature caused by melted ozone layers would kill us all and spell doom. Then they realised that some places were getting cold...
Read full storyObama's Osama Banana Drama in Panama
Barack Obama was thrown into a diplomatic nightmare yesterday, when he made 'inappropriate' comments about Al Qaeda head-honcho Osama bin Laden's penis. The US president and his wife Me-Shell, had been invited to the Central American country of Pa...
Read full storyRev. Al Sharpton Wants The Name 'Black Friday' Changed To "African-American Friday"
BROOKLYN - Reverend Al Sharpton speaking from the Mens' Underwear Department at a Brooklyn Wal-Mart said that he is asking all U.S. retailers to stop using the term 'Black Friday' for the shopping sales day that takes place on the Friday after Thanks...
Read full storyEvery Television Weathercaster In America Will Soon Be Fired!
CHICAGO - Due to the economic situation not getting any better Chicago's television station KUTT, Channel 50, has announced that effective immediately it will be eliminating its two long time weathercasters. Station Manager Percival Davidoffer sai...
Read full storySelena Gomez Cries Out, "I'm Not The Hispanic Miley Cyrus, Miley's The Anglo Selena Gomez"
SANTA MONICA, California - Speaking from her apartment in Santa Monica, Selena Gomez said that she is tired of the media, the paparazzi, and the American pubic comparing her to Miley Cyrus. Selena recently yelled out at a concert in The Squaw Jane...
Read full storyBritney Spears Naked Circus Concert To Be Shown On The PlayGuy Channel
LOS ANGELES - Representatives for Britney Spears have finally reached an agreement to show highlights from her Naked Circus Tour on cable's PlayGuy Channel. Lagarino Comstock spokesperson for the PlayGuy Channel said that his group has been in neg...
Read full storyMicrosoft Vista Shuts Down Entire U.S. Defence System For Updates
Bill Gate's Microsoft Vista shut down the entire United States missile defense shield during an orange alert today while it configured new Windows updates. Taking over control from the hands of programmers who were readying systems in case of a s...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Balloon Attack Prompts Thanksgiving Day Parade Reroute
NEW YORK CITY, New York - It was a black Thursday when the Macey's Thanksgiving Day Parade had to be rerouted down Broadway after a catastrophic balloon failure in Times Square wreaked havoc on the festivities. Parade newcomer "Jacob Black," an 8...
Read full storySusan Boyle Rushed To The Hospital After Accidentally Biting Her Own Thumb
NEW YORK CITY - Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle was rushed to New York's St. Johnny Appleseed Hospital suffering from a semi-severe thumb bite which witnesses say she accidentally inflicted upon herself. Ms. Boyle was having lunch at the tr...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Dead Month Before June 25th!
A paper found in a trash bin has been discovered by a janitor who is offering to sell the three-page report that Michael Jackson was officially declared dead on May, 25th a full month before all the crap hit the fan, one month later. Apparently, a...
Read full storyMan With World's Largest Penis Fails Ultimate Test
Everything was set firmly in place, as with military precision, the 'Man With The World's Largest Penis' Bargis Tryhol, accompanied by legendary French marine biologist, Jacques Cocktail and a posse of submarine cameramen set out aboard the yacht 'Co...
Read full storyPriceless Alan Shearer Art Work Stolen
Priceless Artwork painted by former England and Newcastle Striker Alan Shearer has been stolen. The painting known as "Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight" was stolen from a safe at St James's park just 48 hours before it was set to be auctioned...
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