HAVANA - Cuban President Raul Castro, Fidel's baby brother, has placed the entire island on notice of an impending military invasion by the United States.
Castro, speaking on Cuban TV's equivalent of The Jerry Springer Show, El Cho de Geraldo Lavaplatos, said that he has been having these weird dreams that the American Yanks will soon be landing on the shores of his beloved Cuba.
When Senor Lavaplatos asked him why he believes his dreams could become reality he said that he knows that the American's want to take over all of the cigar factories on his island.
He said that he knows through a very reliable source that the rich Republicans of America are addicted to big Cuban cigars, especially that fat one that they call Rush Limbaugh.
Castro noted that he has seen photographs of "El Limbo" with a 10 inch cigar hanging out of his mouth. When asked if maybe that was not some kind of hidden underlying desire of a groinesque nature, el presidente grinned and answered in somewhat broken English, "Jes, of course eat ease. Dis man dat de American's call "Mushmouth" has a secret fetish of steeking big ones in his boca (mouth).
It ease not really normal for a grown man, who ease supposedly, as far as we know, secure in his manhood to steek a big you-know-what looking cigar in his mouth.
I mean eat ease almost as if he is trying to give off some kind of quasi gayish gaydar message or something. I am not accusing, I am just saying."
Castro was then asked what his plans for a U.S. invasion were. He said that he has informed the commander of the Cuban military forces General Tulio "El Taco" Galleria to start conducting war games.
When asked to elaborate he stated that they would be having bazooka shooting practice, grenade tossing exercises, and armored tank races.
He added that they are also working on a highly strategic and secretive mission of flying helicopters upside down for up to three miles.
When asked what was the purpose of flying a helicopter upside down Castro grinned and said that it was to confuse the American infidels.
El presidente was told that the maneuver would really not confuse the American infidels or any infidels for that matter because they would just merely have a puzzled look on their faces and say "Hey look at those stupid Cubans flying their helicopters upside down. What the hell is that about?"
President Castro became very upset and ordered the reporter to go back to his hotel room and pack his things because he was going to be escorted to the Havana harbor and placed in a canoe and told to leave Cuba and return to the U.S.
In a highly unrelated story. Reports coming out of France state that due to the extreme affects of recent botox and lip collagen implants actress Angelina Jolie, as opposed to Angelina Jolie the McDonald's Parisian fry cook, is up to a three lip gloss case a day habit.